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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 07-10-2012, 12:08 PM
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I read your post and I feel for you and your son.

You are entitled to spousal support and he HAS to pay it. I know in Ontario the payor is legally obligated to pay and I imagine this is the same in any province.

If he has a job, he has to file taxes so there is income being recorded somewhere. If he is being paid under the table and hiding the income then you report him to the Canada Revenue Agency and they most certainly investigate him and his employer.

Do not take the SOL approach because you are entitled to receive this money. Talk to a lawyer, they will most times give you a free consultation. Fight fire with fire. He is making money somewhere and you will be able to prove it. You need to get him in front of a judge.

Good Luck and don't ever take the approach of being shit out of luck. You haven't lost yet. You are right in this case, you've got some work ahead of you though.
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 07-10-2012, 10:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I'd be questioning the FRO BIG TIME. He hasn't paid so he doesn't deserve to operate a vehicle period. In Alberta they do put people in jail AND take away vehicles. I'm sure Ontario is no different. You probably have to start calling once a week to FRO and try to get them accountable. Just doesn't make much sense to me. As an employer for many years (over 25) I got regular updates all the time about deadbeat parents. I was careful about hiring and checked the list every time we hired someone.

My ex is self-employed and if he doesn't pay me they cancel his license. No excuses.

Check into it again and for your child's sake don't let him get off the hook on this. Persistence pays off. Yes it is stressful but you have to do what is right for your child. I am quite amazed that you want to have anything to do with this person. You certainly don't sound overly bitter - many people on this forum would applaud you for not threatening no visits with your child for non-payment of support. You are a better person than I am. I wouldn't give him the time of day and would discourage future contact with my child. If he's cheap with his wallet then he will be sure to be cheap with his heart. That is just my personal opinion though. Hope things work out for you.

Good luck!

Arabian thanks for replying.

Sorry don't know how to quote your post in pieces. I'm as technically savvy as...a garden slug!

They have done a "DL withhold" which means he can't renew it. However this happened like a few months after he has just renews it for five years! He's told me he will just drive without one anyway. And w/o insurance (if that happened).

I did call two times about the vehicle insurance asking why don't they revoke that...I'm not trying to be a b***h but I'm just trying to see if perhaps the enforcements they do would actually make him start paying. I also mentioned the car (nothing fancy he has no credit so it was not much $ I guess). I also mentioned what's next? Jail? Anything? (desperate)
That's when she got snarky and was just telling me that there are real criminals out there who are walking the streets. Jail would potentially ruin any future employment for him.

I will take your suggestion in calling more. Honestly when she was (I feel) kinda mean, I have not called. Basically each month more interest accrues more support owed but no CS.


Do you (or anyone) think it would really make a difference???



He calls once a week to talk to our son. I merely answer it (he's three, too young) and pass it to him. As he's young, so from my end, it's not much of a conversation. He just says phrases. It lasts about five minutes then he's done and I hang up. I do not usually talk to his dad though.

He has never once come to visit him. Yet he has friends and family an hour away who I would drive to (with sufficient notice) for a visit.

I would label myself very sad over this all...very sad for my lil hero. I just adore him and it's hard for me because I'd do anything for him and his other patent is not that way.
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 07-10-2012, 10:21 PM
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Sorry I meant:

Do you (or anyone) think it will really make a difference in my case if I were to call them like once a week???

Would I just keep enquiring about the insurance and vehicle??? My ex does not own any property beyond his car.

Thank you everyone.
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 07-10-2012, 10:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Teddie View Post
I read your post and I feel for you and your son.

You are entitled to spousal support and he HAS to pay it. I know in Ontario the payor is legally obligated to pay and I imagine this is the same in any province.

If he has a job, he has to file taxes so there is income being recorded somewhere. If he is being paid under the table and hiding the income then you report him to the Canada Revenue Agency and they most certainly investigate him and his employer.

Do not take the SOL approach because you are entitled to receive this money. Talk to a lawyer, they will most times give you a free consultation. Fight fire with fire. He is making money somewhere and you will be able to prove it. You need to get him in front of a judge.

Good Luck and don't ever take the approach of being shit out of luck. You haven't lost yet. You are right in this case, you've got some work ahead of you though.
Thanks for your reply Teddie.

This is what my ex does:

He works in the construction. He gets a job and asks that they pay him under his partial business name which is his first and last name. (for pretend, his business name is John Doe Plumber so he has them make it out to simply John Doe)

He also asks that they do NOT pay him the HST on his work. He is self employed and he is required to do charge HST and then remit it to government.

They make out pay cheque to his partial biz name, w/o HST, and he goes to their bank (e.g, BMO) and pays a fee to have them cash the cheque. The $ never goes into his biz account and he never has anything in his personal. This has to have been going on a long time cuz the enforcement agency said they are looking to freeze his accounts but to date, there has been zilch in any account for them to freeze.

FYI: how did he learn how to get paid this way??? An Internet website against all enforcement agencies!! These non-payors look out for each other...


All that said....

1. Should I inform the CRA of this? As far as I know he continues to be up to his eyeballs in back taxes. However he is supposed to be getting HST and then remitting it.

I have his social insurance number and his HST number but like I said he's not getting paid HST.

I don't want to be a b****h but it does irk me that he won't pay taxes on all this income and he should be getting paid HST.


As far as court, several lawyers told me not to bother pursuing much in that way because, given all the enforcemdnt measures already in place, and the way he's getting paid and the fact he owns no (substantial) property, I would simply get another court order for CS that I would never receive.
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 07-10-2012, 11:15 PM
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No HST required if you invoice for less than $30k - possibly that's why?

But I can't see how worrying about that is going to help you.
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 07-10-2012, 11:46 PM
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Thanks dinky face, that's true re $30k. But he makes way more.
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 07-11-2012, 01:37 PM
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My answer to your asking 'why would soeone be like this?'

Because he's an asshole. A rather big one at that.

I feel bad for your child. I hope one day DAD has a change of heart, and starts doing the right thing.

When the time comes, all you can do is say 'Your Dad loves you very much', and change the subject. Don't badmouth Dad - because your child is half Dad and will take it as you bad mouthing that half of him/her.

One day - when he gets older - he will see who or what Dad is and come to his own conclusions.

I would suggest maybe getting the child involved with Big Brothers / Big Sisters when they are a little older. That can help with the absence of a father figure.

What a jerk....
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 07-11-2012, 02:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wretchedotis View Post
My answer to your asking 'why would soeone be like this?'

Because he's an asshole. A rather big one at that.

I feel bad for your child. I hope one day DAD has a change of heart, and starts doing the right thing.

When the time comes, all you can do is say 'Your Dad loves you very much', and change the subject. Don't badmouth Dad - because your child is half Dad and will take it as you bad mouthing that half of him/her.

One day - when he gets older - he will see who or what Dad is and come to his own conclusions.

I would suggest maybe getting the child involved with Big Brothers / Big Sisters when they are a little older. That can help with the absence of a father figure.

What a jerk....
Thank you wretched Otis.

This is helpful. Thanks for your suggestions. I never thought about Big Brothers. I hear there is a big backlog for "Big"'s. But it's such a good idea. Thank you.

Good advice all around.

Thank you.
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 07-11-2012, 04:04 PM
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My father died when I was 6 years old - and I had a 'big brother' from the time I was 8 or 9 until about 14 (when my friends started to become much cooler to hang out with).

Helped me immensly, I still get and give cards with him (Christmas, etc) some 30 years later.

During my University years I volunteered in the organization. I can't speak highly enough of the influence it has had on me from both angles.
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 07-11-2012, 08:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wretchedotis View Post
My father died when I was 6 years old - and I had a 'big brother' from the time I was 8 or 9 until about 14 (when my friends started to become much cooler to hang out with).

Helped me immensly, I still get and give cards with him (Christmas, etc) some 30 years later.

During my University years I volunteered in the organization. I can't speak highly enough of the influence it has had on me from both angles.
Thanks for your reply.

My father died also when I was young.

Personally, even though my son's dad only calls once a week, trust me, I would have loved to have had even those few minutes every week with my dad.

I will look into our local Big Brother chapter and see what's the earliest age he can start.

Thanks!
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