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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 11-17-2005, 03:30 PM
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I found this site while searching for legal information to assist me with my separation agreement/divorce as I don't feel that my lawyer has enough time. As well, I really don't want to pay her the $$$$$ for things that I can do.

My ex & I have been working on a separation agreement for over 1.5 years now &, although we've made some strides, there are a few issues left to settle on. Those issues are notional costs associated with the transfer of the house over to my ex wife, "child" support for our 20 year old daughter who is a deadbeat student and cohabitates with her boyfriend, and division of the household contents - her lawyer figures that 50% of a 1300 sf, 3 bedroom home is the TV/TV stand/satellite receiver and control!!!!!!!!!!!! & I'm being nitpicky

I was once told by a friend that the first year after their separation was the worst year of their life! Well, I must agree.

I have gone on with my life & have met a wonderful girl - one who I knew over 22 years ago! We've been together over a year now & planning on living together & eventually marrying but firstly I have to get this golldarn separation agreement & divorce stuff out of the way! (No, my girlfriend is NOT pressuring me!) I must admit that she's getting sick & tired of this situation as she's been through it herself & it's like reliving it again!

Hope that I can get some feedback from others on here. Maybe you'll see that I am being unreasonable about some issues but I feel that I'm most reasonable. I've been the only one who is willing to make any consessions about the separation agreement! I'd love to sit & talk with my exwife to get everything "ironed" out but her lawyer says that everything has to go through her

G
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Old 11-17-2005, 06:18 PM
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Have you tried mediation?
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Old 11-17-2005, 08:29 PM
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I've suggested it but she says her lawyer says "no" that we have to go to court. I thought that it would be an method to try before court but her lawyer has primed her from day 1 that court was the way to go?????
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Old 11-18-2005, 01:04 AM
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Just an opinion

In regards to your daughter, sounds like she is living a common law relationship with her boyfriend. I am not sure why you should be expected to pay child support for her if in fact she is.

A parents responsibilty for paying child support ends when the child has withdrawn from parential control or has become married. A common law relationship is similar to being married.
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Old 11-20-2005, 11:28 PM
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Hey Gwen,

Sometimes paying childsupport where you think it is totally worthless can be very depressing.... the ex can also use this to her advantage if she so chooses....

good luck
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Old 11-21-2005, 04:21 PM
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If my ex doesn't accept my latest proposal, it's off to court we go. I don't want it but I'm just tired of the banter back & forth between lawyers. Her lawyer has advised her not to discuss any issues with me as they are all to be dealt with through her office. (I must note that there have been no accusations/actions of violence between either one of us). I would hope that most lawyers would promote working together to get a separation agreement together but not hers!

G
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Old 11-21-2005, 05:06 PM
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You want to avoid court if at all possible. It is very $$$$$$. Although you may be able to have her pay part of your court costs if she is being unreasonable.

Have you looked into collaborative law? I would be interested in anyone that has used this approach to comment.
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Old 11-21-2005, 10:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gwen
My ex & I have been working on a separation agreement for over 1.5 years now &, although we've made some strides, there are a few issues left to settle on. Those issues are notional costs associated with the transfer of the house over to my ex wife, "child" support for our 20 year old daughter who is a deadbeat student and cohabitates with her boyfriend, and division of the household contents - her lawyer figures that 50% of a 1300 sf, 3 bedroom home is the TV/TV stand/satellite receiver and control!!!!!!!!!!!! & I'm being nitpicky
Generally the household goods aren't worth fighting for, unless there are specific items of great value. For family law purposes, they're valued at "garage sale" value (OK, that's not a technical term, but you get the idea). Generally the appraisals of the entire contents of a household I've seen come in at $5,000 to $10,000, which is small compared to legal fees involved in fighting them. Come to a fast compromise on this.

For the notional disposition costs for the house, like a lot of things in family law, you'll be able to find cases that go both ways. But generally, these are not included unless the house is going to be sold in the near future.
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Old 11-21-2005, 10:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gwen
I've suggested [mediation] but she says her lawyer says "no" that we have to go to court. I thought that it would be an method to try before court but her lawyer has primed her from day 1 that court was the way to go?????
Have court proceedings been started yet?

Given the issues involved, you may want to try counsel-assisted mediation. Her lawyer may be more comfortable with that. However, there are many lawyers who always refuse mediation as a matter of principle. I don't agree with that, but you can't force someone to go to mediation against their will.

Another option is a "private settlement conference." This is basically a settlement conference before a family law lawyer who's fairly senior. Both you and your wife (with or without lawyers) could present your position to the senior lawyer, who at the end gives a careful recommendation as to how a judge would decide the case. This would be based on the understanding that unless something unusual happened, you and your wife would follow the recommendation and an agreement would be entered into on those terms.

I think a lot of lawyers are more comfortable with the private settlement conference process because it resembles a routine step in the court process. As well, it's a lot quicker and cheaper than going to court.
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Old 11-21-2005, 10:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gwen
Her lawyer has advised her not to discuss any issues with me as they are all to be dealt with through her office. (I must note that there have been no accusations/actions of violence between either one of us). I would hope that most lawyers would promote working together to get a separation agreement together but not hers!

G
Sometimes this is good advice, sometimes not, depending on how well the spouses are able to communicate. Often, the communication degenerates, not so much into arguments or violence, but rather mind games that are very destructive. So, in this sort of situation and others, it's best to let all communication go through the lawyers. Not sure how well you and your spouse are able to communicate...
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