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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2007, 02:44 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Wellesley, Ontario
Posts: 109
Denisem is on a distinguished road
Default long walks!!!

Looking for someone who likes long walks, sunsets and .....just

I am really not looking for anyone.....I don't trust anyone....

I would not be good for anyone right now....I need to heal first. When I do...look out...I'll be looking for a good ...camping....but for now I will wait until I am ready.

That might take is hard to trust.
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2007, 03:00 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 311
About_Time is on a distinguished road

Yeah trust is a hard think to regain. I basically just made a conscious effort to trust people again - but I'm much less forgiving of breaches of that trust now.

Either way, no need to rush. I dated a woman for about 3 months and then realized I really didn't want to be dating anyone after all. Now I'm enjoying focusing on me for a bit
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2008, 12:56 PM
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 59
tombiosis is on a distinguished road

Trust is the major issue for me as well...I find it very hard to meet new people now. Once bitten twice shy n'est ce pas?
I think if you're looking, it won't happen. Once you are happy on your own, you stand a much better chance of attracting someone when you least expect it.
At this point I can't even imagine myself trusting someone ever again, which is really unfortunate, and depressing...
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 05-07-2008, 03:33 PM
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ftinmouth is on a distinguished road
Default things my father taught me

things my father's record taught me:
marry once if you think you should.
twice if you learned something the first time.
after that, admit that your people picker is broken.

my ex and I married for what we thought was love, but neither of us will make that mistake again.
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 06-24-2008, 04:16 PM
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rykersprincess is on a distinguished road
Default Once again...

That is sad. My second partner deliberately broke my trust to revenge a perceived wrong. What does that say about my ability to pick people??? I am exhausted at the idea of starting over again. Anyone out there with advice? I am a well educated, well employed person who works with people for a living. Why can't I figure this out ?
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 06-24-2008, 05:13 PM
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Posts: 311
About_Time is on a distinguished road

Dating is a crapshoot. As people who have already gone through at least one failed relationship, we can now take that experience and narrow down our choices - weeding out those we know won't be a good fit. The silver lining to each failed relationship is that each time we can narrow down what we are looking for further, increasing our chances of success (as long as you commit to not repeating the same mistakes over and over, as many do).

In the end though, it's still a roll of the dice. That's why some people get lucky the first time out and others roll a few snake eyes before finding the right person. Ultimately it becomes a test of endurance: how long are you willing to play before you either win or walk away from the table?

For me, as hard as it might be some days, I'll probably keep trying. The only other option is to simply accept that you'll never find someone, and I'm not quite that tired or bitter... yet

And for rykersprincess, I don't think it's necessarily a reflection of your ability to choose. I mean, it might be a factor obviously, but ultimately I think a lot of relationships sour for other reasons. You might have picked the perfect guy for you ... but people change, or we find out more about them, or we learn they haven't been truthful about themselves. We try to make the best choices we can but none of us have enough information early in a relationship to be 100% certain.

Just try to be as certain as you can be and roll the dice. There is only so much we can control in the process.
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 08-24-2008, 10:21 PM
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Location: Ottawa
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Kimberley is on a distinguished road

Trust, yep that is a big one, not that I have much of that left. It's tough to learn to give that to someone after you've lost it so completely, but perhaps with time, it can be re-learned.
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 08-25-2008, 08:37 PM
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newatthis is on a distinguished road

I am hoping too that when I am ready I will be able to find someone. How? I am not sure. When? Who knows... the one person I trusted implicitly left me for someone he met online. I am reading a lot and trying to see not only his mistakes but mine as well. I am hoping that I will find someone and not come off like a psycho about trust and actually be able to have a good relationship. I loved having a best friend that I could depend on and share my life with. I hope that when the time comes I am able to gamble again, hopefully I will see a good thing when it is there. Good luck to everyone... If having a partner is something you want... all you can do is try.
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 04-20-2009, 07:34 PM
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 53
Stubbs is on a distinguished road

I'm beginning to use the rules a single friend of mine has for dating:

1. She has to have a full-time job.
2. She has to be responsible for her own finances.
3. She has to have her own transportation, or have the wherewithal to get around with needing a chauffeur.
4. She has to get along with her own family.

There are negotiables and deal-breakers outside of that, but the 4 rules are solid.
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