Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce Support

Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 01-17-2017, 12:04 AM
arabian's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,854
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

my ex is supposedly going to visit with our son next week. This will be the first time in almost 4 years. I'm sure I will hear all of my ex's rants about my son's deficiencies (physical, mental, career, financial) and how they are all correlated to me. Tis the norm with divorced/separated people is it not? This poster's situation is likely the same kind of thing?
Reply With Quote
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 01-17-2017, 05:05 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 396
Ange71727 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by trinton View Post
I thought the children were happy and well adjusted for the past 8 years? Sounds like he's got a very significant material change under his belt. This was not forsean when the order was made.

As per your concern, Can you prove he lied to doctor about medication not going well? Can you prove he didn't have access and couldn't have observed the child when he was on medication? If the child was losing weight on medication and dad noticed and called doctor then thats the end of that. The medication didn't work well for the child.

The child is clearly not thriving under the current regime.

That's my opinion court wise.

Friendly wise, you have to get your anxieties and paranoia under control. It's normal to feel anxiety when dealing with child custody access. We've all experienced it.

Ps. You should get the doctors clinical notes.

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk


I can prove it. I also have the email from the doctor stating what his advice would be under the true circumstances.
My son is happy generally Trinton. I don't believe it to be a material change or useable by my ex because HE is the one forcing the change. If he is ok with medication for years and it correlates with better marks and a more confident child and then things start to go down a bit progress wise when he forces his son to quit the meds - who is causing it? I think he'd have a tough time arguing that it's my doing.
The original decision was based on doctor's recommendation given the observations and forms filled out by teachers and parents therefore my ex couldn't say it is me who forced this drug with negative repercussions. I could argue the opposite. There also is no proof of weight loss on this recent attempt with the meds....because there were no appetite issues.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 01-17-2017, 05:54 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 396
Ange71727 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by trinton View Post
I thought the children were happy and well adjusted for the past 8 years? Sounds like he's got a very significant material change under his belt. This was not forsean when the order was made.

As per your concern, Can you prove he lied to doctor about medication not going well? Can you prove he didn't have access and couldn't have observed the child when he was on medication? If the child was losing weight on medication and dad noticed and called doctor then thats the end of that. The medication didn't work well for the child.

The child is clearly not thriving under the current regime.

That's my opinion court wise.

Friendly wise, you have to get your anxieties and paranoia under control. It's normal to feel anxiety when dealing with child custody access. We've all experienced it.

Ps. You should get the doctors clinical notes.

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk


You are absolutely right that I am anxious and paranoid. That is a whole other area I need advice on dealing with!
Re: your comment "the child is clearly not thriving" - this is exactly my fear. While he isn't failing, he is back to being the unfocused and off task child he was a few years ago. This is not at home - at home he is the same as ever. At school there is a change since being off the meds.
I should mention that he's had the same teacher two years in a row now which is what prompted the observation that perhaps he should return to the meds. This teacher knows my son well now and sees the change.
IF my ex uses this argument (speculation), could I not counter that he is altering the course of action of the last 2 years and causing the "material change" himself?
I do agree that medicating without official diagnosis is not ideal; however in this case the doctor felt there was strong evidence in support of trying it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 01-17-2017, 06:51 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 2,901
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

What does your agreement say about medical decisions? You discuss but the final decision is up to you if you cant agree? If yes, remind him of that.
Reply With Quote
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 01-17-2017, 07:20 AM
LovingFather32's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 4,515
LovingFather32 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Meanwhile, ex's argument was that he wanted to wait until the results of the psycho-educational assessment were in to decide whether to medicate or not
This is not unreasonable. Does he have Inattentive type or Hyperactive type?
A psycho-educational assessment will provide VERY important baseline data that will determine the correct regime to take.

We NEVER try a bunch of meds on kids before having one of these completed. It can really mess with their physiology and behaviors. Your ex is correct in this matter.

I've heard too many cases of Dr's slinging multiple meds on these young kids and the adverse effects have been heavily documented at the schools.

In my opinion, concerta is the best one to take because it lasts all day...no med administration at school.

Quote:
This is not at home - at home he is the same as ever. At school there is a change since being off the meds.
That's strange. Usually with ADHD the symptoms can be seen at home and at school. At school probably a bit more, but all parents I talk to see it at home as well (troubles with selective attention, etc).

Quote:
could I not counter that he is altering the course of action of the last 2 years and causing the "material change" himself?
Naaa, he just wants a professional report done to take the right course of action for his children.

It does indeed sound more and more like he has his material change though.
Reply With Quote
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 01-17-2017, 07:28 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 396
Ange71727 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Why is the child medicated without a diagnosis? You started out your post about wanting information for court. Well this is a biggie IMO.

Sometimes our children are not succeeding in school... they are distracted... they have hormonal changes which can have an effect on academic testing. Not a big deal in the large picture considering how long a person is in school. Kids also go through a rebellious stage and those teenage years are really, really difficult for many families.
'
You say your son is "struggling" - what specifically is the problem? Focus, irritation, loss of interest? Those are pretty normal things for teenagers. Loss of appetite and weight loss are a physiological issue and can be directly correlated to medication.

It seems to me that you and your ex need to get on the same page with regards to addressing the issue. This is not related at all to the balance of custody, rather a parenting thing. This has no reflection on the parenting. I think your ex very well might have valid concerns. Too often people are "labelled" has suffering from something without valid, corroborative testing... a doctor's easy way out... a parent's excuse for a child with behavioral issues.... indication for a requirement for tutors. You name it, there exists a plethora of rationale for medication.

Yes you very well may be correct in thinking your son needs to be on a trial for a new drug. However, without a formal diagnosis I would be hesitant to proceed.

What, pray tell, is the problem anyhow?
The problem specifically is with his inattention and focus issues in class. He is not a behaviour issue at all, but has great difficulty focusing on the lesson and staying on task independently. He is generally happy as I have mentioned before; however, I see his confidence dropping as he is not performing as well this year. He is sensitive and sees others able to focus and learn easily and wonders why he cannot. My son himself wanted to go back on the medication this year.
Believe me, I was extremely hesitant at first. It is a big decision to medicate a child. I work with kids and have seen great benefits so decided to try it for my son. His dad has been supportive until now, which is the troubling part for me. Why let him try a partial trial and then suddenly abort mission? Wanting to wait for an official diagnosis does seem logical I agree, but why then allow your son to be on a drug for over 2 years, with proven results and then pull the plug now?
Reply With Quote
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 01-17-2017, 07:34 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 396
Ange71727 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
This is not unreasonable. Does he have Inattentive type or Hyperactive type?
A psycho-educational assessment will provide VERY important baseline data that will determine the correct regime to take.

We NEVER try a bunch of meds on kids before having one of these completed. It can really mess with their physiology and behaviors. Your ex is correct in this matter.

I've heard too many cases of Dr's slinging multiple meds on these young kids and the adverse effects have been heavily documented at the schools.

In my opinion, concerta is the best one to take because it lasts all day...no med administration at school.


That's strange. Usually with ADHD the symptoms can be seen at home and at school. At school probably a bit more, but all parents I talk to see it at home as well (troubles with selective attention, etc).


Naaa, he just wants a professional report done to take the right course of action for his children.

It does indeed sound more and more like he has his material change though.
So, in your opinion, he can say there is a material change because his son is not doing as well this year at school due to being taken off the medication he was proven to be doing better on previously? Could I not argue that DAD is the one who is CAUSING this "material change" then? I have the doctor's emails about recommending a trial run. I also have proof he never witnessed adverse affects on the increased dose as he did not even see his son during this period. A judge is not going to consider that pretty pertinent?
Reply With Quote
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 01-17-2017, 07:37 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 396
Ange71727 is on a distinguished road
Default

To answer you LF, it is inattentive type.
Also, I should add that I am in the "field" and would have more exposure to affects of medication on kids than my ex would as I deal with kids (MANY are on medication) for a living.
Ps. I agree with you about Concerta.

Last edited by Ange71727; 01-17-2017 at 07:41 AM. Reason: add comments
Reply With Quote
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 01-17-2017, 07:38 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 396
Ange71727 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
What does your agreement say about medical decisions? You discuss but the final decision is up to you if you cant agree? If yes, remind him of that.
It says decisions are JOINT pertaining to health and well being. I can't make any final decisions.
Reply With Quote
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 01-17-2017, 08:19 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 2,901
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Is there a natural remedy he could take in lieu of the medication? Do you have a dispute resolution clause?

I agree with the others that medication should be a last resort but it doesnt sound like it was a knee jerk reaction on your part and this is a dick move on your ex's part.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Thoughts on hiring a private investigator nogoingback Financial Issues 39 04-08-2015 06:39 PM
Joint chequing account for shared expenses - thoughts? billm Financial Issues 22 05-10-2013 09:55 PM
4 way conference - need advice / thoughts Dee1973 Divorce & Family Law 13 09-04-2012 12:29 PM
Thoughts on using a Certified Business Valuator to calculate imcome to imput? CycleDad Financial Issues 2 06-06-2011 05:09 PM
Any thoughts on this? smissttt Divorce & Family Law 8 02-21-2010 05:31 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:59 AM.