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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 05-12-2006, 03:34 PM
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Hi everyone - I'm not sure if this is odd or not but in the last month there have been murders of wives by their estranged spouses - todays spoke about how the husband joked about killing his wife if she left him. This is what my ex always said to me.
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Old 05-12-2006, 06:12 PM
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2hopefull,

Uttering threats is a serious crime if convicted.

Criminal Code ( R.S., 1985, c. C-46 )

http://laws.justice.gc.ca/en/C-46/index.html

264.1 (1) Uttering Threats — Every one commits an offence who, in any manner, knowingly utters, conveys or causes any person to receive a threat (a) to cause death or bodily harm to any person; (b) to burn, destroy or damage real or personal property; or (c) to kill, poison or injure an animal or bird that is the property of any person. (2) Punishment — Every one who commits an offence under paragraph (1)(a) is guilty of (a) an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding five years; or (b) an offence punishable on summary conviction and liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding eighteen months. (3) Idem — Every one who commits an offence under paragraph (1)(b) or (c) (a) is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding two years; or (b) is guilty of an offence punishable on summary conviction. R.S. 1985, c. 27 (1st Supp.), s. 38; 1994, c. 44, s. 16. . . . . .


http://laws.justice.gc.ca/en/C-46/index.html

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Old 05-13-2006, 12:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2hopefull
Hi everyone - I'm not sure if this is odd or not but in the last month there have been murders of wives by their estranged spouses - todays spoke about how the husband joked about killing his wife if she left him. This is what my ex always said to me.
I have not heard of any recent stories, at least in the media. Is your ex threatening you??? You should report this to the police and have an "escape plan" in place if you feel unsafe.
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Old 05-13-2006, 02:55 PM
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it's my word against his - he was always good at making it a joke in front of everyone and now it's done with no witness. What's worse is that he is using his lawyer to harass me - as long as he is not the one writing and demanding this and that - it's ok. He knows what frightens me.
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Old 05-13-2006, 05:57 PM
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I hear you 2hopefull and have walked in your shoes. Domestic abuse always happens behind closed doors and abusers are master manipulators. Abuse is almost always about control, and it is very difficult to litigate with these types of people. They most often turn to the family court system to continue the abuse, by dragging out procedures, nasty lawyer letters & affidavits, needless and endless motions, etc, I call it legal bullying. The overall goal of the abuser is to maintain control over you and prevent you from moving on with your life. Legal bullying is a very effective way for the abuser to maintain control as the nature of family law is that if you have children it is never truly over.

In your case don't try and litigate this on your own, you will need a lawyer. Let your lawyer know that you are frightened. Never be left alone with him, and make sure drop offs and pick ups of your child is done either through a third person or in a public area.

Stay strong,
Grace
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Old 05-15-2006, 01:15 PM
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It is my understanding that it is legal for a person to record his/her conversations without informing the other person.

If you agree with that, then you might consider recording the threats and going to the police with that.

Just a thought.
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Old 05-18-2006, 07:17 PM
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Red face Did it!!

Hi, everyone!! Wow, I had to comment here!! After 14 years of verbal, emotional and mental abuse, I had finally made up my mind to leave. I already had a place and everything planned and set up. He had been even more of a jerk lately and I had had enough. I put the house up for sale and finally I guess he knew I meant business. Well......... when he came home from work that day and saw the sign.....he started with the threats. He said, he was gonna drive his truck into the house, burn the house down, and knock me into next week. I had had enough!!! I called 911. I had just started telling the dispatch what happened, and he unplugged the phone. You know what happened next..........lol yup, 3 of them.......cruisers up the driveway!! Long story short, because our 12 yr old son was home and heard everything, and told the police what he heard when they asked him, my x was arrested and spent the night in jail. The next day, he had to get a surety to sign him out and he had to live with him......( his boss). He wasnt allowed to come near me or the kids. Two months later, he pled guilty and is now on probation for 1.5 yrs. Has to stay away from me.........no contact with me at all. I went to court for separation and custody etc.......he never showed up for anything. Live and learn I guess. But anyway, please know that the police etc take uttering threats very seriously!! And because I had a witness(my Son).......who was sick of how his Dad was treating me.......it was cut and dry. But please dont fool around with someone who is threatning you........it only gets worse and yes, in alot of cases the ones who dont dial 911 can end up not seeing the next day. I found out later on that my x has been doing cocaine for about the last 5 yrs.........hence the violence.......I didnt know until after I had already left; I thought it was all just because he was drinking more. Like I said, live and learn........this girl is alot smarter now, and I am happy and I am with someone who treats me properly...........and is a better step-Dad than their real Father ever was. As long as you learn something..........it wasnt a waste of time!!
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Old 05-23-2006, 04:08 AM
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all u need to do is to go at the nearest police station and lodge a complaint against him . he disturbing u mentally and u should not let urself down at this time right now .

good luck and be courageous
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Old 06-03-2006, 02:17 AM
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If you're being threatened, call the police. Keep calling until someone listens. Let them think you're wasting their time, let them think you're nuts. Who cares? Document, document, document. Leave a paper trail of every instance, whether they can prove it or not. The day will come that someone will hear it and you'll have reports to show it wasn't the first time.

In the mean time, have a plan in place. Is there somewhere close by that you can run if he should try to follow through on his threats? Is there someone you can call if you feel truly afraid that he might? You need a plan. You need to think ahead to any reasonable or unreasonable scenario you can think of. It is NEVER, NEVER (did I say NEVER? lol) something you should take lightly. You never know what a desperate, hurting, unreasonable person might do. You just never know. Trust me. I learned the hard way.
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Old 06-18-2006, 06:25 PM
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I was in your shoes once as well. Error on the side of caution and take his threats seriously. Report them to the police, each and every time. Let them get sick of you until they have finally had enough and go and talk to the guy. Rage is one of those very unpredictable emotions. I recorded conversations, kept a journal of "events" including visits to the police stations (over and over) and documented who I spoke to there, let family and friends know of the situation (possibly your neighbor as a safety precaution and as a safety zone for your children), created passwords that only my children and I would know should I need someone to pick them up if I couldn't and also created special phrases we could say to one another as a warning sign for help.

Unfortunately, my situation continued to escalate (breaking in, knives, being run off the road by him or his buddies and endless threatening phone calls) until I moved out of the province leaving behind everyone I knew.

Laws have changed since then (15 years ago) and police take domestic violence very seriously. Report everything and take precautions including restraining orders if need be. Let him know that you too are serious and that this behaviour will not be tolerated by you.
Good luck and don't be afraid to seek counselling for you and your family. You need to unload as well.
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