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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 08-13-2011, 06:20 PM
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Just my opinion - to be totally clear.
Him giving YOU gifts is pretty obvious as to the psychology behind it. Altough it actually is the wrong thing to do when you like a girl.
But it runs like this "I like you and therefore want to give you compliments and gifts so you will like me back".

So I guess the past WAS just that.

This new thing might very well mean he has given up on trying to win you back. If he ever was. I have no idea.
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Old 08-13-2011, 10:38 PM
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Wow...my ex didn't buy me gifts when we were married ! Can't imagine him buying me something now that we're separated !

Don't overthink it...Just accept them and politely say 'Thankyou', and play with the kids and the gifts like they wanted ! What a wonderful gesture...
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Old 08-13-2011, 11:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wretchedotis View Post
Just my opinion - to be totally clear.
Him giving YOU gifts is pretty obvious as to the psychology behind it. Altough it actually is the wrong thing to do when you like a girl.
But it runs like this "I like you and therefore want to give you compliments and gifts so you will like me back".

So I guess the past WAS just that.

This new thing might very well mean he has given up on trying to win you back. If he ever was. I have no idea.
My ex and I give each other gifts all the time, xmas, birthdays, valentines, easter etc and sometimes, just because. We each make sure the children are covered for gifts for the other parent as well. Neither of us has ANY desire to win the other back. Ever. We simply appreciate each other for who we are, respect the fact that each of us is and always will be the other parent of our children and that we were once something special to each other - and for a very long time. We will always be family through our children and we treat each other no differently than we would any other family member, it has nothing to do with wanting to get anything/anyone back or expectations of anything in return.
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Old 08-13-2011, 11:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
My ex and I give each other gifts all the time
Is this something that you both did right after your separation / divorce ? or is it something you both 'grew' into ?
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Old 08-13-2011, 11:33 PM
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Neither, really, we just never stopped doing it, regardless of what was going on between the two of us. My ex is a great person who means a lot to me. Doesn't mean I like or agree with everything he does but then again, I didn't when we were married, either. Whether or not he does it for me is irrelevant but I know why I do it for him and he has his own reasons as well. We are both well aware that none of those reasons include getting back together.
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Old 08-14-2011, 01:20 PM
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I wish I could allow myself to think of my ex in that way.

Unfortunately, I need to keep the frame of mind that she is the 'enemy', or else I'll end up in trouble of one kind or another. Either that or walked all over much like a door mat.
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Old 08-14-2011, 03:02 PM
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Blink-You and your ex have a 'unique' relationship. Congratulations at still being able to acknowledge each other with gifts/tokens...Besides Gary I think you deserve a beer as well ! ha
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Old 08-15-2011, 10:43 AM
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I usually get our daughter to pick out a flower for her mom for Mothers day, and make a card. She also makes a card and picture for her for her birthday and Christmas. I think its important for our daughter to understand that I do not hate her mom and that I want her to feel that I am encouraging positive feelings towards her mom. Its not that I spend much money at all, I mean what is a $10 flower and a home made card worth to me really, but its special for our daughter to be able to give Mom something and know that I am encouraging her to be happy with mom. On the other hand my ex fights me for fathers day access and christmas access and anything in between. But at the end of the day our daughter should know that I am the one that is positive and her mom is negative. I hope at least.
I would take the gift for face value, not worry about it. You put the child support and spousal support behind you and a gift for your birthday should not change this.
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