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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #161 (permalink)  
Old 06-25-2016, 01:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
I think timing would be very tricky. Too soon, and a judge would say "she hasn't been job hunting very long yet, give it more time, don't clog the court's time" and too long, and a judge would say "you've been fine with paying up to now so let's continue."

I wonder if it would be good to send the ex an email every now and then, asking how her job hunt is going, remind her to send you her NoA, etc, warning her that the order says she's to find a job and you are financially unable to keep these unfair offset payments up much longer which means your daughter's dance and stuff will have to be stopped. Send her any notices of jobs that fit her qualifications you may notice, tell her you're rooting for her. Anything friendly but firm that you can keep as documentation proving that you are not acquiescing to the unfair CS system but anticipating her upholding her end of the order.
Hmm I wonder if he does go this route if he can say that he will give her time once daughter is in mandatory school (say three months or so after sept) to find work or he will be forced to take it back to court? That way she is on notice of further action and she may slip up and send back an email that hangs herself?
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  #162 (permalink)  
Old 06-25-2016, 07:30 PM
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I've thought about sending some emails.

But I know she'll instantly go the "he's pressuring me" route.

What are others thoughts on sending emails to at least have evidence that I'm not okay or acquicenceing this?
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  #163 (permalink)  
Old 06-25-2016, 07:46 PM
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Once a month you can send a list of job postings you thought should be would great for.

In trial you can question why she didn't apply to those jobs.

I've seen it done before. I don't know if it's necessary.
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  #164 (permalink)  
Old 06-25-2016, 08:44 PM
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She doesnt have a problem asking you about your child support. Or taking money from the government while working under the table. Cant be too hard to send her jobs. Maybe every saturday after youve "read" the paper. "Hey saw this position, thought you would be great for it" etc.
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  #165 (permalink)  
Old 06-25-2016, 09:41 PM
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I don't know you guys. I kinda disagree with most of you. LF32 and his ex have been separated for how long now? Going on 3 or 4 years? This woman has had enough time to get her shit together IMO. I'd go after her sooner rather than later. CS is the right of the child is it not? That does not equate into one parent pays and the other doesn't, particularly when both parents are well-educated.

I'd nail her hard and fast. The way the Ontario courts work it will probably take a year of those fucking case conferences anyhow. I'd get it started Sept 1 - as soon as the kid is in school (have the 1st case conference set for 2nd week in September).

I don't understand the thought process with waiting a year or two. I think a judge would see it for what it is - a lousy separation agreement, sloppily drawn up where child's best interests were not considered. You DO have a separation agreement right? Or is this thing still up-in-the air with quasi-Orders? (whatever you do - DO NOT GO ANYWHERE NEAR THAT LAWYER YOU HAD BEFORE.

Another thing to think about is the longer she is out of the work force the stronger her argument is that she is unemployable and needs "retraining." Ontario government is extremely generous with tuition/post secondary education grants.

Just my opinion. Hate laziness. Kid deserve the best that BOTH parents can offer - one parent staying home on welfare just doesn't cut it IMO.

Edit - I don't see having income imputed as a means to lessen LF32's CS obligation. I believe that even at minimum wage the ex would provide a better standard of living for the child - that, in itself, is something I'm sure the court would consider seriously.

I would NOT be writing to your ex. You aren't her coach, buddy or pal. She is a parent and should act like one and provide for her child.

Last edited by arabian; 06-25-2016 at 09:46 PM.
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  #166 (permalink)  
Old 06-26-2016, 01:13 AM
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Totally agree with Arabian on this one. As I posted before on that same thread, impute her income as per her qualifications and what she use to earn and bring this on before the judge ASAP as you don't want to show that you were OK with this B**S**t. Again and always for the purpose of the best interest of the child.
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  #167 (permalink)  
Old 06-26-2016, 01:40 PM
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My rationale for waiting before trying to overturn this is that you shouldn't presume that a judge will look at recent signed agreement and think "well, they agreed to xyz but obviously what should have been there is abc, so I will order abc". A judge might just as easily think "well, Dad read this agreement before he signed it, and he had legal advice, so why is he coming back just a few months later saying that he didn't understand what he signed and he wants something different?".

I think your case would be stronger if you allowed the current order to fail - if a year went by and Mom has still not found full time work, you can definitely claim that the order is not achieving what custody orders are meant to achieve, which is support for the child from both parents according to their ability. That's a stronger argument for rewriting the order than "oops, I didn't actually understand what that sentence meant".

I'd also recommend not sending Mom job ads, employment tips, or anything else helpful. You aren't her coach. One plainly worded email saying that you expect her to transition to full-time employment soon and you look forward to receiving information about her work status would suffice to make it clear that you aren't accepting this as a status quo you're happy with.
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  #168 (permalink)  
Old 06-26-2016, 03:21 PM
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Theres so many problems with this situation which is why its so hard to figure out what the right answer is. Remember that LF32s ex was desperate to settle because her legal aid was running out and she was staring down a loss of custody (potentially). She would agree to anything which is what she did when the judge told her to get a damn job. PROBLEM 1

That order was translated into the order they both signed by her scumbag lawyer and his incompetent lawyer. PROBLEM 2

Then there was the order for cs outlined that got put into FRO. That wont be changed without a new order. PROBLEM 3

It doesnt matter what is said or done, he needs a new order to change the order with FRO now and that new order should have an imputed income or a straightforward clause about offset. Thats the bottom line.
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  #169 (permalink)  
Old 06-26-2016, 03:49 PM
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You guys raise really good points.

Material Change of Circumstance? This will likely be the difficult part. Change has to be something that, had it been known at the time the agreement or order was made, would have resulted in different outcome.

Or

Best interests of the child.

I'm not sure how the best way to proceed would be or if there is any way to proceed. This might be why others are cautioning about proceeding?

If that's the case then I guess LF32 would have to accept that his ex will likely never get a job.
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  #170 (permalink)  
Old 06-26-2016, 07:25 PM
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This is the bottleneck. When to proceed.

I'll keep listening to all of these great points and decide where to go from there.

I'll make sure I'm not paying full table CS when I have 50/50. I think I have a pretty good grasp of how to handle the court process. Was thinking this summer bit perhaps later ... not sure.

Let's not forget she's wait 3 years ... then half a year since she signed her signature on a final order to find employment.
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