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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 08-26-2012, 08:18 AM
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Default need advice on coping. so sad.

So my husband of 8 years walked out last sunday. I honestly had no warning. I don't even know what to do. For the first 3 days I was sick everytime I tried to eat or drink. Now I can eat very small amounts. I can sleep a bit but I keep waking up all night. I have come to realize that any friends I thought I had I don't. I live in a very small town and my situation is the #1 topic for discussion. I just want to know if it gets easier. Luckily we do not have kids however this also means I am completely alone.


Any ideas on how to get through this.
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Old 08-26-2012, 08:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lost and alone View Post
So my husband of 8 years walked out last sunday. I honestly had no warning. I don't even know what to do. For the first 3 days I was sick everytime I tried to eat or drink. Now I can eat very small amounts. I can sleep a bit but I keep waking up all night. I have come to realize that any friends I thought I had I don't. I live in a very small town and my situation is the #1 topic for discussion. I just want to know if it gets easier. Luckily we do not have kids however this also means I am completely alone.


Any ideas on how to get through this.
It gets better. Be thankful you did not have kids with him or it would be harder. You may think you had no warning but as time goes on you will remember little things that were pointing towards him walking out.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Its hard on friends to know what to say to you or they may try to avoid you because they think that is best or whatever. There has to be a couple of people you can reach out to.
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Old 08-26-2012, 08:52 AM
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I have reached out to "friends" they either are too busy or do not reply to me. I really do feel like I have no one.
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Old 08-26-2012, 09:28 AM
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I know how you feel, and you are not alone. My situation was different in that I left after 42 years because of abuse. I also didn't sleep or eat for days it seems.

I did however see a lawyer the day after leaving, and along with legal advice and actions, he advised me to see my doctor because of the abuse. She was God-sent. I continued to see her for months and even with the 10 to 20 minutes we had, she listened to me, and with only one or 2 sentences, each bit of advice she gave me was filled with gold. She had so much wisdom and she was young, in her 30's.

Any women's groups out there that would be helpful? Counsellors? I saw a counsellor and joined a women's group and made it my focus to help the women there. It was priceless. Is there a minister you could speak to?

I lost friends because I think in many cases they felt threatened, thinking "it" could happen to them, too. But I gained so many new friends who are true blessings.

Believe me, it does get easier.
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Old 08-26-2012, 10:05 AM
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Go to your doctor or if you have an Employee Assistance Program through your work health insurance call them. They will put you in touch with someone you can talk to.

It does get easier. Looking back over my life I see that when one door closes there is always another bigger and better door right around the corner. In a few years you'll probably see this was just a stepping stone to get to where you're supposed to be.

Keep your chin up, you'll get through this (sending a big hug your way)
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Old 08-26-2012, 10:39 AM
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Does anyone know if there are any support groups in Kanata.
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Old 08-26-2012, 10:47 AM
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Have a look at these, that will get you out the house.

The Separated/Divorced Support/Social Meetup Group (Nepean, ON) - Meetup

http://www.funabalu-singles.com/ (this group is intented for group activities)


Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup
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Old 08-26-2012, 12:14 PM
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There is this one which could be west end area (doesn't specify the exact location other than Ottawa)

Support Group for Separation and Divorce (Ottawa, ON) - Meetup

This is a support group run by a trained therapist for anyone going through a separation or divorce. This is a traumatic time and it does help to share. Learn to let go, forgive and heal. This eight week group is designed to help you move through the process with the support and the tools you need. If you are looking for healing, strength, support and practical resources you've come to the right group.
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Old 08-26-2012, 12:17 PM
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lost and alone, remember in time the good things - they will be with you forever. Friends - if they are not your friends today - they never were.... What you need is somebody to talk to... there is a chance you may find that person(s) right here! I have several and they have made a difference in my life and I think I have in theirs as well - we all have something to offer in our own way. The gut wrenching feeling like someone kicked you in the stomach?? You said it yourself - each day is a little better and time will heal.

You are facing the seperation today (although this being sudden you still face sitting down with the person that "just walked out" and come to terms with what both of you want moving forward but do not wait for him) The first thing is to secure your finances - ensure that whatever money you have stays with you. Fair if you have joint funds is 50/50 - get yours out today. You do not mention your house, the bills that get paid every month - looks like he left everything behind for now? If so I believe it is within your rights to change the locks but until a court order, he has the same right as yourself to live in the house - it is possible to live apart under the same roof.

A very good eye opener - although quite jaded is a document called "The List" which you can do a search right here for the link to download. It is good in that it lists everything you may never have thought of in 10 years but neccessary non the less. What you are going to do in the next few days and the next weeks and months will be what you need to "move on". I believe there is good in every person and that includes you!! Remember this in your journey which will see lots of personal growth, new friendships and this may even include yourself? You do not need your spouse or the friend's you never possibly never really had (but remember this is just as new to them as it is to you.... you may find a few of these people come back to your life so it will be your choice to let them back in so do not close any of those doors just yet).

And welcome to our forum, the place that saved my sanity (and still does a year later!!) You could not have landed in a better spot to ask questions and help you learn what you will need to know even if you have a lawyer - you will need to learn a great deal about many things.......

Last edited by ddol1; 08-26-2012 at 12:21 PM.
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Old 08-26-2012, 02:40 PM
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Keep busy. Get your documents in order. Washing walls seemed to help me out of the funk believe it or not. Then I got mad. I was able to turn my anger into productivity. Never looked back.

Feel for you as you said you had no idea the marriage was going to end. That's got to hurt.

Small towns can be a blessing or a curse as everyone knows everyone's business.

Friends you lost weren't really your friends. As time goes on the loss of these people from your life will diminish. Still very hurtful.

Keep moving. You will have the rest of your life to reflect. Start critical thinking and protect yourself and your assets.

Welcome to the forum!
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