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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 06-06-2006, 07:32 PM
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Default My story

OK so here goes my story, I hope I don't bore you.
I have been married for 13 years. Prior to that I had dated this woman for 4 years. We met very young. I have always been very insecure with women/girls. When I met this person I did not really feel like I was in love, and the releationship kept going even though I wanted to break it off several times. I sort of figured well its not tht bad.
We got married because it was sort of the next step. We really have had a good life together. We enjoy the same things and have gotten along pretty good. But to be candid, I don't think I ever really had a true love with this person. For me it was much easier to just be content with my situation rather thatn rock the boat. I know this was not a good idea. But at that time I was very insecure and had a confidence problem. I like to think I have changed with those aspects.
For the past couple years I have thought of leaving her, but again whats the point. I mean we have built a good life: a house, two great kids and all the toys that go along with this. I never hated her, but never really truely loved her.
So, just about 1 years ago I meet this woman (its kinda of a long story of how we met). I was not out looking, but when we met (job releated) sparks flew and I saw fireworks.
Had contact with her, for business purposes twice a few months past meeting her. Well to make a real long story short we met again in late December of 05 and hit it off like I have never done before, ever. We ended up getting together and having an affair.
This affair or whatever you call it made me realize that I don't think I really ever loved my wife like this. I mean I didn't even really realize that one could feel like this. I have talked to many a friend about this mess.
About 2 months ago I confessed to my wife that I was in love with another woman and was leaving. Thus I packed a bag and left for one night. This was very scary for me to be displaced like that. So, I ended up calling her the next day and saying I wanted to work it out. I am still not sure if I want to or not. Anyway she wants to work it out also and we are now going through marriage counsiling, just started this.
I admit I have been still seeing this other woman. Only no sexual contact. I feel that I am very much in love with this other woman. But I also think that my wife never really did what is possible for me. So, I now realize that another woman or not there is much more out there.
We have two kids and I am afraid of hurting them if I left. I love my kids and would do whatever I need to, to keep them safe.
I don't know if I am asking you all a questing or just venting, but I hurt. I love this other woman like no other, but my wife is not a bad person and a good mother. There is just so much in a divorce that scares the heck out of me that I'm not sure if I can do it.

Paul.
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 06-07-2006, 02:38 AM
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Paul,

That is a difficult situation your in and no mater what someone will be hurt.

You could always try counseling or perhaps a separation. I think your spouse must care about you quit a bit to ignore everything that is happened. Sometimes, it is hard to appreciate something until it is gone.
It is difficult to give advice to this. Really the decision is yours to make.

lv
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Old 06-07-2006, 05:14 PM
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Thanks for the reply. I know this is the worst of the worst situations. I just needed to sput off. Confusion is my middle name. I fear loosing the kids, not having enought money to simply survive and the kids not having enough money also.

Paul
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Old 07-25-2006, 10:43 PM
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Default Hang in there...

Paul,

I went through the same situation where she fell in love with a co-worker and now realizes that she has lost the greatest thing in life. Unfortunatelly for her, I am the one pulling the plug ever since cause she wanted to come back but I won't give her a chance.

Basically what I'm trying to say is pretty much like above where you don't know what you've lost till its gone.

It takes years to establish a healthy relationship but it takes little to break it up. There's nothing wrong with dreams of adventures but its never prettier on the other side of the fence...

Good luck in your adventures but my suggestion is to remain stable, dream of adventures and love life.....

Hope this helps.
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 07-27-2006, 01:38 AM
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It sounds like your wife really loves you, as LV has already said . You have two little children who have a stable family home with mom and dad who get along at it sounds like a very nice unified family.
You may be confusing love for this woman with lust b/c you've been with your wife since you were young.
What I'm going to say is VERY IMPORTANT: would you really throw all of that away for a woman who would sleep with a married man. She doesn't sound very ethical or empathetic towards other people. I know you may be defending her in your mind right now, but think about it.........do you wnat to destroy three people who you've made a life with; two little children that you love and love you, for a woman who has no problem being a homewrecker. If she's done it with you and your family, she will do it again.
What you have is far better and stable than what you would end up with. Would you trade your family life for someone like this woman. I think the answer is obvious. Stats show that a person who cheats with a married spouse or cheats when they're married themselves will do it again.
THINK OF THE TRADE OFF---IT'S A NO-BRAINER. For those little kids I hope you do the right thing
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Old 08-05-2006, 02:24 AM
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I think there is a song for this: The hardest thing I've ever had to do, holding her, loving you. .... The 2nd hardest thing I've ever had to do, telling her about you... if she'd give me one good reason, I'd be gone, but she hasn't done, one thing wrong, I think it's by Clay Walker? anyhow, wow, I wish I had more advice for you. I hope you can think it over, and make the best decision for all involved. The sooner the better...
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Old 09-20-2006, 09:10 PM
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Default thank your lucky stars

I think you should be grateful that your wife is willing to give you a second chance. (I didn't and don't regret it.) That doesn't mean that you should stay in the relationship however if you have no feelings. My advice is if you want to play in the field then you need to end things with your wife and your girlfriend until you get it together for yourself. Sorry, don't mean to sound harsh.
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Old 05-06-2007, 02:54 PM
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If it was me, I would stick with your current wife. If she's that forgiving then she's in it for the long run. I wouldn't trade her for the world, and be thankful that she is such a good mom. You owe it to her and the kids to stick by her as she has stuck by you through your infidelity. Make it work, your wife sounds great!
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Old 05-06-2007, 09:48 PM
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Default You are lucky

If I were you I will stay with my current spouse.You are very lucky to have such a forgiving wife.Cheating is the only thing I won't compromise upon.Women like your gf are not one man woman.She has no ethics. Even if you sacrifice your current family she will never ever be a loyal partner to you.
But at the end again decision is yours
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