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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 02-28-2016, 10:23 PM
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Default moving out as trial separation to see if we really want that?

Has anyone had experience with one person moving out (temporary) to a nearby separate condo, etc just for space if you are in the ambivalence stage of whether to stay or go? But just to have some time and space? If so, what did you learn and did it end or help the marriage (o you stay)? And how long did you move out for and did it provide any clarity to combat the uncertainty of what to do in an ambivalent marriage with issues? Thanks for any advice.

I think this may be a good way to take space and see if it is what should be done but would welcome insight from others. I should add we had a pre-nup drawn up a few years ago that is very solid. Also if anyone knows,, is it financially ok to temporarily leave the matrimonial home or does that mean you forfeit your share or rights to it?

I do not think my spouse would go after me and punish me for that as we are both on board with possibly taking this separate time.

Last edited by amanda911; 02-28-2016 at 10:25 PM. Reason: add info
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Old 02-28-2016, 10:40 PM
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There is an expression "Out of sight, Out of mind" Normally, cheaters do this type of thing so they can immediately get time with their new flames...

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Also if anyone knows,, is it financially ok to temporarily leave the matrimonial home or does that mean you forfeit your share or rights to it
No, but if I were you I would write something up now if you decide not to move back in , what exactly will happen (sale of house, at what price, by what agent etc...) so when things go down hill, it will already be dealt with.

Statistically, divorce doesn't make you happier over the long terms so unless the spouse is a complete piece of work, everybody else will also have their issues.
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Old 02-29-2016, 01:19 AM
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Depends if there are children involved and what financial aspects of division are. Normally any lawyers would advise against leaving the home until an agreement is in place.
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Old 02-29-2016, 07:52 AM
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Moving into another home creates additional financial burden. If your name is on the mortgage of the matrimonial home then you are legally responsible for it as well as your husband.

Moving into your own place will not change things. Your husband will not change. Either you are committed to the marriage or you want to end things.

This is a very important time and I would recommend that you seek legal advice.
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Old 02-29-2016, 12:33 PM
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I don't think a 'trial' separation ever fixes a marriage. You have to be together, working as a team, to fix a marriage. 'Trial' separation is, in my opinion, merely a cowardly way for one person to try to let the other person down gently by lying and giving false hope that it is only intended to be temporary. Just rip the bandaid off.
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Old 02-29-2016, 01:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
I don't think a 'trial' separation ever fixes a marriage. You have to be together, working as a team, to fix a marriage. 'Trial' separation is, in my opinion, merely a cowardly way for one person to try to let the other person down gently by lying and giving false hope that it is only intended to be temporary. Just rip the bandaid off.
I agree with this. Either wholeheartedly try to fix the marriage or resolve firmly to part and stay parted. I myself hate confrontation, but I finally had to give an "ultimatum" to my first husband. Either we both do our absolute best to work on and save the marriage, which is what I wanted, or if he didn't want that, then we needed to part. I had too much pride to stay in a marriage where I wasn't making the other person happy and didn't feel wanted. He chose to leave, and although I was devastated, I survived and came out stronger.
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Old 03-10-2016, 09:15 PM
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I did both before throwing in the towel. 4 months of counselling and then we did a trial separation for one month.

Looking back, I would have made the trial separation about 6 months, with specific rules (ie no dating.... its supposed to be about discovering if you miss having that other person in your life). Its so difficult to gain perspective on a marriage when you are in it, and its not going well. So I think it can work in the right circumstances.

We rented a student residence in a local college for the summer months and then swapped time between there and the marital home (communication was kept to a minimum). It was basic, fairly cheap and short-term.

jh
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Old 03-11-2016, 01:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
I don't think a 'trial' separation ever fixes a marriage. You have to be together, working as a team, to fix a marriage. 'Trial' separation is, in my opinion, merely a cowardly way for one person to try to let the other person down gently by lying and giving false hope that it is only intended to be temporary. Just rip the bandaid off.
Excellent point. Also, there is no legal definition of "trial separation". You are separate and apart. There are no trials of this. I would simply drop the concept of "trial separation" all together as there is no such term legally speaking.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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