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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 01-08-2016, 07:39 PM
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Default I'm Happy

Quote:
Originally Posted by dinkyface View Post
Some trouble spots I see:

- Yes, you have 50-50, but you never get to take advantage of long weekends (i.e. stat holidays and school PD days) because she has always Mon and Thurs nights. Would be better if you had Weds+Thurs and she had Mon+Tues. That would also mean less switching between houses, and also avoids her having 5 days stretches while you only get 3 day stretches.
- Xmas week on/off: There are 3 weekends in the school break period. You may argue about whether the first or last weekend is regular schedule, or if it is included in the period to be split. We do the latter, with a midway Sat evg handover, and it works well. Every year you get either Xmas or NewYears.
- Summer vacations Week on/off: normally this is a 9 week period (2015 it was 10). Who gets the 5 weeks (first and last) and who gets 4? Suggest yearly alternation of who gets the first week. When does the week on/off start - before or after first weekend? Also, hopefully you can both be flexible so that 2 week spans can be arranged.

Otherwise, CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Awesome post Dinky .. thanks. This is precisely why I posted the details of the order ... for you guys to school me on what needs fixing.

All of this will be fixed up in the coming months/years. I agree with most of your points .. but again, trials done...I have 50/50 and happy as hell right now. Plain and simply .. I feel really damn good.

But I agree .. some things need tweaking ... and tweaking I shall do...in the future.

For now I plan on enjoying my daughter, my family .. and my happy life.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 01-08-2016 at 07:45 PM.
  #22 (permalink)  
Old 01-08-2016, 07:54 PM
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It is not unusual, after a lengthy court battle, to have some regrets even if you are the "winning" party. I recall feeling the same way after many successful instances. I would tell my lawyer "we should have asked for this" or "why didn't the judge award that" and my lawyer would patiently remind me of a few things:
a) if you want to spend the money and take this back to court then that's fine but we have to wait 6 months. b) You received what you requested on your cross-motion or c) Family Court is not perfect and rarely are parties totally happy with the outcome.

You agreed to a settlement. You did not have a judge rule on your matter.

You are wise to enjoy your "happy life" now. You will have plenty of time in the future, when your ex is in violation of the agreement, to make a motion and litigate the matters (or in your case, go to counselling, mediation and then court - a very lengthy process).

For now, it is over. You have to accept the good with the bad when you make a settlement... each party has made concessions.
  #23 (permalink)  
Old 01-08-2016, 08:12 PM
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Well said Arabian ..

I'm also less nervous because for the rest of my life I will self rep. I know the FLR's, CLRA's like the back of my hand and am fully confident in myself in terms of forms, speaking, litigation, etc. This will save me a hell of a lot of money.

I read this quote somewhere:

Quote:
Don't wait for things to get better. Life will always be complicated. Learn to be happy now or else you will run out of time
  #24 (permalink)  
Old 01-08-2016, 08:25 PM
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Good for you LF32.

Be sure to pick up ALL of your files from your lawyer's office as soon as possible so as to ensure that nothing gets lost. I've read on here many times about people who go self-represented try to get documents/files from their former lawyers only to face a bill for the lawyer to go through things and make copies.

Also so a good idea to file your notice of change of solicitor now, rather than later , so you get any and all documents filed by the other side. End things succinctly but make sure you don't leave any loose ends.

Do all of this PRIOR to paying your final bill.

Last edited by arabian; 01-08-2016 at 08:28 PM.
  #25 (permalink)  
Old 01-08-2016, 11:03 PM
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I'm looking for lesson learned to grow going forward and also inflate my ego (maybe help the peeps jammed into the system machine gearing)

I will start with

1) LF32 got a APPLICATION into the Courts in a timely manner (within a few months)......after the EX took off.....this is CRUCIAL

Most people DON'T and is a huge mistake...BUT WHY?.....everyday that goes by when YOU don't have the kid .....the other parent starts(is planning) getting CUSTODY

2) EVERY DAY you'll be reminded your losing custody on purpose by EX...and be called a LOUSE....this is by design

Your defence is go to the school your kids are at (get involved) the kids baseball game/dance class.......doctors appointment's

and sit there with a stupid smile on your face

3) is a Emergency Motion a good idea? It was "technically" LF32's breakthrough on his basic right to see his kid BUT will be is a slap down (parents worst fear) because it's for a parent that intends to ...take kids FAR AWAY (no proof obviously...deny deny)


4) the Government is what LF32 dealt with ALL levels(the minions)

- The OCL hacks
-CAS
-uninterested Cops
-LAO scumbag lawyers with no oversight
-Ontario Works free money toss out
-shelters and victim advocate freaks

Only 1 person assisted LF32......a Judge(s) they ain't stupid as the system

5) Conferences are useless unless like LF32 your smart about it going in...meaning Judges ain't stupid (bears repeating)

6) Trials are reserved for complete loser situations it's for the YES or NO types and with growing kids where everything is changing... YES or NO is meaningless at some point because NEW issues crop up.

7) Only 1 item of LF32 became "case law" a no brainer on school for a toodler BUT it is a custody question BUT AGAIN it's different...when custody is without prejudice(gargled legal wilderness)....but ANYWAYS you get what you pay for as a lawyer(lost)

8) LF32 beat back an army of the political "shawn of the dead",(by design) his lack of money (and EX's) caused barely a ripple on the Family Court surface

So lessoned learned.....if you stick to it.....love the forms and process....you get ..er...uhm.....right back to where common sense was.

Now LF32 can BASK in the glory his EX knows (without a free LAO scumbag lawyer) he's calling the shots (her lesson) going forward

Meaning ....he's NOT gonna back off on the "best interest's of his kid" with or without a Trial and "case law" or a million bucks spent....He's good to go anytme anywhere and the "system" knows it (and will support him) (see government minions above gave up)

Last edited by MrToronto; 01-08-2016 at 11:35 PM.
  #26 (permalink)  
Old 01-08-2016, 11:32 PM
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For the purpose of others reading this in the future

there is no " tweaking". Once you have a final judgement or consent you cannot reopen the discussion without showing a change in circumstance which is not easy.
  #27 (permalink)  
Old 01-08-2016, 11:56 PM
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The DAY was yesterday when the Court Order came out or Consent Order afterbirth

A kid usually is halfway through Grade 2 when junior kindergarten was the ISSUE before the Court

Always remember (look ahead) this when going to fight in Court.

The future

...the "change in circumstances" is narrowly defined by the Courts and LF32 has a fresh agreement...so not even on the radar

But I strongly urge LF32 to keep up what he is doing(naturally)....because D4 needs a real parent and in a few years a "change" of circumstances may have to be SOLE CUSTODY to him

But we'll see (my bet his EX and OLD GOAT will force an issue and LF32 eventually takes Custody) I win! (again ...yawn)

Last edited by MrToronto; 01-08-2016 at 11:58 PM.
  #28 (permalink)  
Old 01-09-2016, 09:41 AM
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Don't worry about the details. All what matters are TIME and MONEY. Time to spend with the kid, and money to spend that time well. Your minutes of settlement is perfect.

Somebody mentioned the that your settlement doesn't deal with long weekends. Those are very valuable for all three of you, and cutting them half with an exchange is very inconvenient for both parents and sucks for the kid, probably even a rabid ex would agree to extend the access during those times. The next long weekend will come up I think in February, so you will see it soon, probably that's the only thing I would put in the settlement that in case of a long weekend the access is extended.
  #29 (permalink)  
Old 01-09-2016, 10:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
For the purpose of others reading this in the future

there is no " tweaking". Once you have a final judgement or consent you cannot reopen the discussion without showing a change in circumstance which is not easy.
That's fine. You're more concerned about my schedule than I am. :-)

If she feels holidays shouldn't be equal we can give family therapy a shot. If not we can go to mediation. If not the order states to go to court .

I'm taking a stab in the dark that I wouldn't need a huge amount of material to support my position of Equal division of holidays ...that's pretty normal.

Circumstance: .. dealt with some holidays in order .. anticipated that ex would share all of the since we were moving forward in a positive fashion

Change: We were wrong. Ex doesn't want to share holidays (long weekends)...need intervention.

Am I concerned about this now? Nope. As I've said...I'm happy. Links .. too bad you waited until the case was over to get involved and give advice. But yea...it is in fact tweakable ..in the future .. if ex wants to be HC ..

It's all in how you present the change in circumstance. This one wouldn't be rocket science...equal holidays.
  #30 (permalink)  
Old 01-09-2016, 01:05 PM
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I think a material change is more than that but anyways it's not that huge of a deal with long weekends. Sure it would be nice, but you have 50-50. If you had 40 or under I could see this being an issue but in reality to bring this to court would be a waste. Something like this I would request from the ex, if she refuses, you request again next long weekend. We all know there will be some bigger fish to fry as time goes on and that's when you can bring up the issue of long weekends.

I am sure you are just thrilled for 50-50 and won't let something like a long weekend ruin that for you.
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