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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 01-08-2016, 09:36 AM
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Originally Posted by PeacefulMoments View Post
Schedule is a little awkward during school year. 50/50 but somewhat in moms favour with the 5 day stretch as opposed to a true 2/5 schedule, but it is 50/50 and with the standard days for each during Mon-Thurs, activities can be planned. The summer being week on/off is great for you with you having summers off.

Altogether a pretty good deal from where you started. Joint 50/50 for you, good summer and holidays, and a little bit of face-saving for mom who can tell herself she has that 5 day stretch during the school year and you don't.

Now you just have to plan something super fun for your week of March break!
Yep. Did the math and it's 50/50 .. joint custody. That's the meat can potatoes of it. I'm not at all concerned about how many consecutive days in s row I have vs ex...as long as it's equal. I'm so not picky about that.
Regarding financials .. CRA. ..Etc. The intent of the order should be very clear to any agency reading it. If they need clarification I can definitely get that done procedurally for them.

This order is is a start.....and I get to kick my feet up, put away my court papers ...and enjoy life more.
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Old 01-08-2016, 10:55 AM
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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
...
Regarding financials .. CRA. ..Etc. The intent of the order should be very clear to any agency reading it. If they need clarification I can definitely get that done procedurally for them...
Read through the many threads here, where CRA often finds any little ambiguity in order wording, to deny the offset support paying parent child tax benefits/dependant claim, even when the order specifically states shared custody and that such benefits are to be shared.


Congrats by the way. You are in a *much* better place than before. It will make *most* things easier to deal with, having this order.

Not to be the pessimist, but I would keep your court papers handy. Some will say, that your ex will now have to cooperate more, exhausting her Legal aid and having to lick her wounds. Given your ex's past behaviours, she will probably just start causing you new issues, based on any grey areas she deems, in the order. There is what is in the order...and then there is what your ex interprets as being in the order.
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Old 01-08-2016, 11:59 AM
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Congratulations LF32.

Sure there are some grey areas and for sure your ex will make up new dramas. Miss communications, daughter too sick to travel. Car breakdowns etc.

But you will be able to deal with them with a firm, concise, pleasant manner and not be worried about your access.

For the holidays you do not have set out just following the regular schedule. Eventually they will roll around and work out evenly. You can celebrate Easter and Thanksgiving anytime.

I would follow the order exactly, of course, do not change anything for a year at least. Mao if ex asks to change a date or a holiday just politely say no you would prefer to leave the parenting plan as is.

It's like going into a classroom of teenagers for the first time. Your first moves as the teacher in charge sets the relationship up for,the rest of the year.

In my classrooms no one moved until I said so! Rulled with an iron fist the first while. Then when I got to know the students and they me I relaxed the rule. Respect earned through my " great teaching" allowed me to eventually have a relaxed classroom with students who knew the expectations and had earned the freedom within the classroom.

I am sure you can relate to that being in the educational field.

Treat your ex like the new classroom and you will be fine.

Good luck

Hope to see some interesting posts from you.
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Old 01-08-2016, 12:18 PM
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Given your ex's past behaviours, she will probably just start causing you new issues, based on any grey areas she deems, in the order. There is what is in the order...and then there is what your ex interprets as being in the order.
You're not being a pessimist .. you're being realistic. I will always have a copy of the court doc's on me. I already know she will interpret the order differently and problems are sure to arise. I guess I'm just a tad worried about the process.

If she decides not to put D4 in school in Feb like the order states .. or decides suddenly that she wants to move to QC (and gives y 30 day notice)...we're to go to family therapy($)? Then mediation ($) if the latter doesnt work? Then finally court? Quite the process.
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Old 01-08-2016, 12:26 PM
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Not to be the pessimist, but I would keep your court papers handy.
Make sure your lawyer sends them to the doctors, school and other professionals involved with the children too. Your lawyer should provide some insight into what the order means (joint custody and equal access). Often professionals are lacking in understanding of the concept of joint custody and always assumes one parent is the "custodial parent".
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Old 01-08-2016, 01:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
Make sure your lawyer sends them to the doctors, school and other professionals involved with the children too. Your lawyer should provide some insight into what the order means (joint custody and equal access). Often professionals are lacking in understanding of the concept of joint custody and always assumes one parent is the "custodial parent".
I wouldn't do that, wait till they refuse to give you some info first before getting them " involved"
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Old 01-08-2016, 02:01 PM
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Good for you LF32,

It's not perfectly clear (never is with family court). For now you'll have to wait and see how well your ex respects what seems to be a fair settlement.

Item (13) lets D4 call you anytime - that's reassuring, good one.

The mediation idea sounds more like a cash-grab to me, we all know how well that will go considering your ex's uncompromising behavior up until now. Though with her legal aid all dried up, she might come to her senses and actually start 'working' with you?

Your situation is improving .... you worked hard for it, so give yourself a pat on the back and a big hug to your soon-to-be-student sweetie D4
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Old 01-08-2016, 03:09 PM
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Some trouble spots I see:

- Yes, you have 50-50, but you never get to take advantage of long weekends (i.e. stat holidays and school PD days) because she has always Mon and Thurs nights. Would be better if you had Weds+Thurs and she had Mon+Tues. That would also mean less switching between houses, and also avoids her having 5 days stretches while you only get 3 day stretches.
- Xmas week on/off: There are 3 weekends in the school break period. You may argue about whether the first or last weekend is regular schedule, or if it is included in the period to be split. We do the latter, with a midway Sat evg handover, and it works well. Every year you get either Xmas or NewYears.
- Summer vacations Week on/off: normally this is a 9 week period (2015 it was 10). Who gets the 5 weeks (first and last) and who gets 4? Suggest yearly alternation of who gets the first week. When does the week on/off start - before or after first weekend? Also, hopefully you can both be flexible so that 2 week spans can be arranged.

Otherwise, CONGRATULATIONS!!!
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Old 01-08-2016, 03:12 PM
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I wouldn't do that, wait till they refuse to give you some info first before getting them " involved"
What purpose does seeking out conflict serve? Most school boards require you file the order with them. Also, depending on province, doctors may require a copy of the order to have on file too.

There isn't a registry for court orders in Canada unfortunately. There should be so one does not have to inform all parties like this. Also, by informing them you preempt any actions the other may be taking that require your consent.

Well informed professionals will only act professionally if they are INFORMED of the situation.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Old 01-08-2016, 03:15 PM
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Wow... Good job


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