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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 01-07-2016, 08:10 PM
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Default Moving on....Final Minutes of Settlement (for now)

Here we are .. LAO ran out of money. In fact my lawyer stated that while they were speaking with the Legal Aid guy all my ex's lawyer did was complain about how little Legal Aid paid him.

Puffing chests out, intimidation and poker faces were his game. He wasn't going to trial this entire time and he knew it.

Regarding trial .. I prepared heavily for the last year. I want to thank more than anybody.. Mr T. His knowledge-base of family law is more than impressive. If you thought you learned a lot from his posts here on ODF....you should have seen his e-mails. Really Mr. T....I can't thank you enough. You literally picked me up off the ground, slapped me in the face to wake me up and kept me going this entire time.

Arabian ... you know how much you helped me out also. Extremely knowledgeable, funny and a hoot to chat with. Both of you, more than anybody else, had first row seats of my life the past two years and what it entailed. I really cant thank you enough.

Rioe, Goodmom, Strait2Hell, Headwaters, Blink, Beachnanna, ONMomma, Rockscan, Tayken, Janibel......geez...so many others. I cant thank you enough. I hope I'm not bothering you if I come on here for advice in the future.

So we have an agreement marked "Final Minutes of Settlement"

Not the exact wording but you'll get the jist.

Keep in mind it's far from perfect...but it's a start.
Quote:
The parties agree to parent D4 in the following manner.

1. The parties shall consult with each other on all issues concerning D4's health, education, religion and general well-being (joint)

2. If the issue is related to parenting then the parties agree to attend family counselling at __,or__,etc. If the issue is relate to health decisions, they will consult the child's pediatrician.

3. In the event that the parties are unable to agree on any of the above issues, they agree to attend mediation at legal aid Ontario, should either of them qualify, or another agreed upon mediator.

4. In the event that the parties are unable to agree after mediation, either party shall be free to submit the issue in question to the court for a final decision.

5. Both parties shall make emergency health care decisions with respect to D4 at times when she is in their care and notify the other of emergency and serious illness

6. Schedule:

- Alternate weekends from Friday after school until Monday before school
- Every Monday and Thursday from after school until next morning with mom
- Every Tuesday and Wednesday from after school until the next mornign with her father
- Other times agreed upon


7. Week on week off for summer holidays
8. Week on Week off Christamas
9. March break alternating years
10. Parents b-days and D4's b-day celebraed on our own parenting time
11. Halloween: Mom even years ; Dad od years
12. Mom gets moms day ; dad gets fathers day: Sat 7pm - Sun 7pm regardless of schedule.
13. D4 can contact parents a any reasonable time by telephone, text or facetime

14. The parties agree that by Feb 1, 2016 D4 shall attend school in the mother's neighborhood, provided that the mother explores other school options proposed by the father. The mother agrees that she will explore the option of moving her residence closer to the Father's home or workplace.

15. Both parties attend all extra-curricular's regardless of schedule

16. Both parties may make inquiries and be given info with respect to D4's education/Health

17. Mother will apply for a daycare space for D4, in order to get on a waiting list to support the mother in her ability to seek employment. The father shall consent to the daycare placement subject to reasonable cost.

18. Pick up's drop offs shall be at the school or daycare, if possible. If not possible, the parties shall share transportation to/from their homes.

19. Both parties shall provide their current addresses and contact info within 48 hours of any move

20. Mother = Birth Certificate/Health Card ; Dad = SIN card/Passport. Each shall provide a copy to the other of these documents.

21. Both parents may travel outside of Canada with child, provided they provide the other parent with at least 30 days notice of the travel, a detailed itinerary of the travel and contact info to ensure the child can have contact with the other parent. The non-travelling parent shall provide a consent to travel letter upon request .

22. Dad will pay CS amount ___ based on his income

23. By May 1st each year, parties shall exchange Notices of Assessments in order to determine if the CS needs to be adjusted.

24. The mother is currently seeking employment. Once she is employed full time for over 30 days she shall provide the father with evidence of her income, and the CS shall be modified using the offset approach.

25. The father shall claim D4 as a dependent for income tax purposes in even numbered years. The other shall claim D4 as a dependent in odd years. The parties shall share the Child Tax benefit and any other available tax credits as per the CRA guidelines.

Signed by both parties and witnesses.
So there it is in a nutshell. FAR from perfect and tons I wanted added or switched around a bit.

I was so filled with joy that I finally had 50/50 shared parenting that all the rest seemed small.

Yes if she decides to not follow the agreement I have to :

a) Family therapy; if that doesn't work:
b) Mediation; if that doesn't work
c) Court for a final order

Yes school will probably be in her area. That part is kind of confusing to me since the order is also encouraging her to look at schools in my area and/or move to my area... but its in D4's best interest to be in school with her same-age peers, regardless of area.

Holidays like Thanksgiving, Easter, etc...not dealt with .. I know.

I did in fact try to resolve these things but LAO mediator guy was pretty insistent on writing it like he did..and I did get shared parenting, 50/50 and school.....financial stuff and a lot of other important things.

Mobility? The guy said no need. Does anybody know if the mobility clause from the previous motion would still be in effect? (just in case?)

Anyways .. there it is.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 01-07-2016 at 08:38 PM.
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Old 01-07-2016, 08:41 PM
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first off congrats for getting this far. Would be nicer if the agreement was more black and white instead of the gray areas. You know that she will use whatever angle she can.

I would say that with this new signed agreement that the older motions are null and void.
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Old 01-07-2016, 08:58 PM
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Yea I know SOTS .. lots of gray. Hopefully ex and I can work through the gray's as a team. I'm in high hopes that this is a new beginning. Focus purely on the present and future. Our child deserves that.
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Old 01-07-2016, 09:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Yea I know SOTS .. lots of gray. Hopefully ex and I can work through the gray's as a team. I'm in high hopes that this is a new beginning. Focus purely on the present and future. Our child deserves that.
Its a start. You have a lot more then you did before down on paper and signed.
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Old 01-07-2016, 09:16 PM
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So much weight lifted off my shoulders. I know we can do this. I'm ready.
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Old 01-07-2016, 09:54 PM
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gratz - I guess... I am not really satisfied :/

- I am nto sure that wording is going to be enough for CRA

-What is that schedule?
M D D M D D D
&
M D D M M M M
-She gets 5 days in a row including friday/monday which are often days off?

You were better off getting something like I got 3 weekends out of 4 from Thursday till Monday.... blah....



-No set phone calls

-14 is just useless

-No imputed income, she is never going to work

-21 is crazy - 30 days notice?

-Does it even say anywhere that the parents will "share residency". I havent dont the math but I wonder if you are going to end up under 40% somehow.
____

Despite what you've been through you are too optimistic your ex will cooperate - she won't. Think parallel style parenting....

Last edited by Links17; 01-07-2016 at 09:59 PM.
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Old 01-07-2016, 10:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
gratz - I guess... I am not really satisfied :/

- I am nto sure that wording is going to be enough for CRA

-What is that schedule?
M D D M D D D
&
M D D M M M M
-She gets 5 days in a row including friday/monday which are often days off?

You were better off getting something like I got 3 weekends out of 4 from Thursday till Monday.... blah....



-No set phone calls

-14 is just useless

-No imputed income, she is never going to work

-21 is crazy - 30 days notice?

-Does it even say anywhere that the parents will "share residency". I havent dont the math but I wonder if you are going to end up under 40% somehow.
____

Despite what you've been through you are too optimistic your ex will cooperate - she won't. Think parallel style parenting....
Howdy Links. First off congrats to you on your recent court appearnaces. Impressive.

Yep, I'm not overly thrilled about the entire outcome either buddy. I guess I'm passed the point of being concerned about which days I get and which I dont.

I disagree that 14 is useless. It states "The parties agree that by Feb 1, 2016 D4 shall attend school. I dont care where it is .. that sentence rocks.

She doesn't go to work then I guess that's her life choice, but the courts are asking her to be seeking employment .. so I hope she can at least prove she's doing so. Lot's of work here in Ottawa. Didn't take me long to pull something like this up: Statistics Canada Hiring 35,000 For 2016 Census That Will Replace Harper's Voluntary Survey

Links .. I'm a glass-half-full kind of guy. This entire thread...for 2 years what have I said? I just want equality and for my parental rights to be recognized.

Is this over? Yea I truly doubt it.... but this was a step in the right direction.
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Old 01-08-2016, 12:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
22. Dad will pay CS amount ___ based on his income
Given you will have shared custody based off your parenting time outlined in your final minutes, you *should* qualify for shared CCTB benefits.

Your minutes seem to say that your time will be specified in order, and you have a statement that says you both should share these benefits, but CRA may deny you since there is a statement only specifying that Dad will pay child support. We have seen where CRA has denied a shared custody parent based on that wording. They may also deny you eligible dependant claim, because a child support payor is not eligible.

Wording is key for CRA. If possible, your wording should be tweaked to reflect each parent will pay the other child support. That is their magic wording.

Last edited by dad2bandm; 01-08-2016 at 12:24 AM.
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Old 01-08-2016, 09:23 AM
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Its not perfect but its better than what you had. Plus she has run out of funding for a lawyer so it should be quiet for a while. There will be adjustments of course but Im sure you will work through it. Hopefully she has had the scare put in her to play nice or lose your kid. See how it goes and determine if it needs tweaking. The next few months will be interesting.

Note for future readers though, make a list of what you want and a list of what you will settle for. Add to those items strong language to help with potential issues. Take that list with you to sc and make sure the language is iron clad. Or as iron clad as can be in family law!
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Old 01-08-2016, 10:18 AM
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Schedule is a little awkward during school year. 50/50 but somewhat in moms favour with the 5 day stretch as opposed to a true 2/5 schedule, but it is 50/50 and with the standard days for each during Mon-Thurs, activities can be planned. The summer being week on/off is great for you with you having summers off.

Altogether a pretty good deal from where you started. Joint 50/50 for you, good summer and holidays, and a little bit of face-saving for mom who can tell herself she has that 5 day stretch during the school year and you don't.

Now you just have to plan something super fun for your week of March break!
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