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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 06-19-2014, 05:59 PM
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Default More money, she won't get a job

I'm happy to support my kids. Our interim agreement is about to get rewritten and she's going to ask for more money. She told me she'll never get a 9-5 job because they are soul sucking. She doesn't have a degree but she has skills and experience. I don't know how I'll afford more alimony. I've gone bankrupt already as a rest of this (and her unwillingness to get work, chasing unreasonable business dreams). Our shared custody kids (minus one who has chose to live with me full time) don't even have a dedicated bedroom in her new communal living house shared with 4-5 other adults. Just venting here. I know I have it good compared to many.
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Old 06-20-2014, 10:53 AM
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She may not want to work, but that doesn't mean you can't have an income imputed to her. Just because she is lazy and believes work is soul sucking, doesn't mean she gets to suck your pay cheque instead.
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Old 06-20-2014, 11:18 AM
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Someone is sure sucking...
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Old 06-20-2014, 11:43 AM
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Get sole custody and give her visitation if she isn't providing the necessities of life for a kid in "her communal living arrangement".

Custody means taking responsibility for the kids.

Otherwise, evade the support payments but keep supporting your kids partially I don't think they'll do much as long as the "tap flows" even if it is just a little, especially since you have full custody of one kid.
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Old 06-20-2014, 11:53 AM
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I glanced back at your first post. You had made mention of a rental property (I assume this was a revenue property). Did you lose everything through bankruptcy?

I would think that each parent would be responsible to provide basic housing for the children unless one parent doesn't want custody. Your ex has had plenty of time to line up a place with bedrooms for the children. What gives?
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Old 06-20-2014, 12:01 PM
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Caution: be careful of wording. Because kids don't have their own bedroom or they are living with other adults does not dictate a departure from the "necessities of life".

Nor does communal living dictate a change of custody.

These flippant statements empower people to pursue a direction that is neither realistic or logical. Maybe the living situation is less than desirable but unless there is hard and fast evidence of an acceptable standard of living conditions, there is little one can do.

Basic housing is shelter I assume. Women's shelters are "basic housing" and have less from the sounds of it than this mom.

I'm not defending mom at all. But doesn't sound like you have a realistic claim if you pursue her housing/living conditions.
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Old 06-20-2014, 12:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vocircuspants View Post
I'm happy to support my kids. Our interim agreement is about to get rewritten and she's going to ask for more money. She told me she'll never get a 9-5 job because they are soul sucking. She doesn't have a degree but she has skills and experience. I don't know how I'll afford more alimony. I've gone bankrupt already as a rest of this (and her unwillingness to get work, chasing unreasonable business dreams). Our shared custody kids (minus one who has chose to live with me full time) don't even have a dedicated bedroom in her new communal living house shared with 4-5 other adults. Just venting here. I know I have it good compared to many.
I would call CAS and just inquire about what their standard is. I know a young mother of two, she can only afford a 2 bedroom apartment so she sleep on the couch because CAS told her that if the kids (boy and girl) didn't have separate rooms her children would be taken away. Her daughter is 6 and her son is 4. Ask them what their take is on the communal living situation. It may or may not be acceptable to them. I am NOT saying call on your ex to gain custody, but finding out CAS's view on the situation could be important.
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Old 06-20-2014, 01:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
I would call CAS and just inquire about what their standard is. I know a young mother of two, she can only afford a 2 bedroom apartment so she sleep on the couch because CAS told her that if the kids (boy and girl) didn't have separate rooms her children would be taken away. Her daughter is 6 and her son is 4. Ask them what their take is on the communal living situation. It may or may not be acceptable to them. I am NOT saying call on your ex to gain custody, but finding out CAS's view on the situation could be important.
Having been around CAS workers for the past 10 years, I would have to say that worker gave incorrect advice.

It is best if the kids can have their own room, especially if they are opposite genders. But I'd have to be pointed to the legislation that specifies they must have their own room. Especially for children of that age. Older kids, I can definitely see the need, but again, not sure it is required.

CAS workers are known to say things that aren't actually true. Sometimes the worker doesn't know what the requirement is, or truly believes it, but is wrong. Other times they say it, knowing it likely isn't true, but serves their purpose.
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Old 06-20-2014, 01:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
Having been around CAS workers for the past 10 years, I would have to say that worker gave incorrect advice.

It is best if the kids can have their own room, especially if they are opposite genders. But I'd have to be pointed to the legislation that specifies they must have their own room. Especially for children of that age. Older kids, I can definitely see the need, but again, not sure it is required.

CAS workers are known to say things that aren't actually true. Sometimes the worker doesn't know what the requirement is, or truly believes it, but is wrong. Other times they say it, knowing it likely isn't true, but serves their purpose.
I would agree, think how many poor single mothers wouldn't be able to splurge on personal vacations when the non-custodial parents had vacation with the kids - if they had to use child support to pay for things like housing then they'd LOSE custody and go on welfare at a cost to the state.
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Old 06-20-2014, 02:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
Having been around CAS workers for the past 10 years, I would have to say that worker gave incorrect advice.

It is best if the kids can have their own room, especially if they are opposite genders. But I'd have to be pointed to the legislation that specifies they must have their own room. Especially for children of that age. Older kids, I can definitely see the need, but again, not sure it is required.

CAS workers are known to say things that aren't actually true. Sometimes the worker doesn't know what the requirement is, or truly believes it, but is wrong. Other times they say it, knowing it likely isn't true, but serves their purpose.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
I would call CAS and just inquire about what their standard is. I know a young mother of two, she can only afford a 2 bedroom apartment so she sleep on the couch because CAS told her that if the kids (boy and girl) didn't have separate rooms her children would be taken away. Her daughter is 6 and her son is 4. Ask them what their take is on the communal living situation. It may or may not be acceptable to them. I am NOT saying call on your ex to gain custody, but finding out CAS's view on the situation could be important.
Having researched this topic, specifically in regards to CAS guidelines on it, these are the few references I have been able to find:

FAQ - CAS Cornwall

Quote:
At what age is it appropriate for children of the same or opposite sex to share bedrooms?
As children of the opposite sex age, their privacy becomes important. Young children sharing the same rooms is often a necessity for many families, but as children mature and begin to reach puberty there is a need for privacy. However, once a child reaches the age of six or seven, they naturally become conscious about their bodies and differences between the sexes. Sharing a room with a sibling of the opposite sex can make a school ages child embarrassed and uncomfortable. Different sleeping arrangements should be made as the child ages.
Frequently Asked Questions | Family & Children's Services of St. Thomas and Elgin County

Quote:
  1. Can children of the opposite sex share a room/bed? If yes, is there an age limit?
  2. There is no easy answer to this question. Pre-school children can often share a room, however, once a child reaches the age of six or seven, they naturally become conscious about their bodies and differences between the sexes. Sharing a room with a sibling of the opposite sex can make a school aged child embarrassed and uncomfortable. Different sleeping arrangements should be made as the child ages.
In regards to sharing a bed, there should be enough room in the bed to allow the child to sleep comfortably. Once again it depends on the child, their age and their social/sexual development.
The above discussion relates to "average" children with "average" life experiences. Children who have been sexually interfered with should not share a room with opposite sex siblings and may not be able to share a room with same sex siblings. If the child exhibits sexually inappropriate behaviours then a child requires their own private sleeping arrangements to ensure their safety and safety of their siblings.
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