missing my kids

[mamoosha]

I have a 9 year old that wants to live with me. I have raquested 4 times to get an OLC and my ex refuses to get one for our daughter. He is afraid the the"truth" will come out. He has put me into an "almost a broke state". I am still wondering how I ended up in this mess, A legal battle that just won't go away. Every other day I get a new letter from opposing counsel. he want to get rid of my spousal support. I can't work yet as I have anxiety issues thanks to him. I had to give him my kids as I could no longer pay my mortgage and utilities and it was getting to the point that the food started to be an issue. My ex decreased, without an order, all the support by 2/3 of what I was suppose to get. "Due to the economic downturn. W/E
2 1/2 years ago we got separated (after 11 years of him having adultry). Until March'08 he said I can't take this any longer. Marriage, the kids bla bla bla. So we both went to seek counsel. His lawyer made up a pathetic separation agreement and my lawyer advised me not to sign it but what happened with me is that My EX also said that I could go and look for a house. He would give me half of the proceeds of the sale...but not to go after his RRSP's So, 2 1/2 years later I dont even know what else he wants, he has kept me in the courts or the lawyers office always defending the most supid things. 60K later im not ahead any further but now I don't own a house, don't have my kids(couldn't afford them as he never payed his section 7 and put me iinto over 30k in debt. I sent him to the FRO...so now he wants me to sign that paper to releive him from any past due money. If that's the only thing I have left to hold on to, then I'm not letting him off. The lawyers ate all my assets. and Now he has all three of my kids that I didn't want him to have. I moved to Alberta as there are more opportunities for employment and a better life for my little one, as the older ones wanted to stay in Ontario as all their friends are there and I respect that but, my 9 year old who was solely raised by me as her father was never home and always travelling (so he calls it) SHe wrote a letter to the judge to listen to her. All she wants is to live with mommy. She is very tight with me (at least she was), she's not allowed to talk to me, her father won't let her. We tried the OCL but again he had to approve the OCL..I am devestated the I had to leave all my kids with their dad as they are being shipped around from family member to family member to care for her. It would of been so damn easy if he would put his vengence aside and let the 9 year old live with her mommy especially as those were her wishes. So where is the law for the little ones. She has been taken away from her stability, to being a back seat passanger, with the aunt(who has three little boys herself), all night after school. I cant get her back, he won't let me talk to her. I bought her a cell phone and even then he won't let her talk to me. He is a control freak. Any suggestiions.
Everyday I wonder...what did I do to deserve this. NOTHING. My EX is just a revengeful person who won't stop until all the blood is sucked out of my body.

[billiechic]

He does NOT have to approve OCL involvement. The judge can order that the OCL be appointed, even if he refuses. Once both parties submit their paperwork the OCL will decide if they want to take the case.
Requesting the involvement of the Children's Lawyer in Custody and Access cases

After a court action about custody and access has begun, one or more of the parties (the applicant and respondent in the case) may request the appointment of the Children's Lawyer.
It is not necessary for parties to serve the Office of the Children's Lawyer (OCL) with a Notice of Motion and Pleadings for an order to appoint the Children's Lawyer in Ontario Court of Justice, Superior Court of Justice or Superior Court of Justice, Family Court cases.
Judges will consider the Intake Criteria before requesting, by order, the involvement of the Children's Lawyer in a case.
A printed form of the Order is available to every family law Judge. When the order is signed it will be forwarded immediately by one of the parties set out in the order (or by the court), by facsimile (416-314-8050) or mail to the Office of the Children's Lawyer.

[dadtotheend]

If the court makes an order for OCL involvement and one of the parties doesn't complete their intake forms, the OCL will close the file, afterwhich another court order needs to be obtained requiring the intake forms to be completed.

That's exactly what happened to us when my ex claimed (i.e. lied) that she submitted them. No doubt she, her family and her lawyer knew that the ugly truth would come out in the OCL investigation, which it ultimately did and so they lied about completing them hoping that I would just give it up. Well funk dat!!!

Not completing the intake materials caused a three month delay in our proceedings. I was furious at the time because I knew that she was just playing her usual game of running from responsibility and hiding the skeletons as best she could. We were forced to return to court and obtain another order - waste of time and money.

This is a prime example of why you need to remain doggedly determined in the face of horrific pressure and not let the delay tactics get you to cave.

[billiechic]

A 3 month delay is better than nothing being done becasue you didn't push for OCL involvement.

Mamoosha it is up to YOU to push for what you think is best for your kids. That is your job as a parent. If you think OCL involvement will help, then ask the judge to make it an order!

[mamoosha]

I really don't know anymore what to do. All I ever do is reply to nonsence from his Lawyer...I really mean nonsence..I'm so broke and My little girl just bbm'ed me telling me daddy is so mean and yelling like crazy at me. She was fine and peaceful with me but his big shot lawyer seems to get away with everything. I can't seem to win anything with his counsel team. What am I to do when her life would be more peaceful (like it use to be) he works and travels for a living and has no time for 3 kids. The older ones are self sufficient but my baby she's sooo upset. She just wants to be with her mommy. Last I remember we don't live in a communist country with Hitler (being my Ex) controlling our whole families life and future with my kids. Wow, I'm just in shock that it turned out this way. Yes, I backed out from this battle (over what, I still need to figure out) as I would be living on food stamps soon. Meanwhile Mr Corporate Executive VP of UBA international has the power over everyone. I just don't get this law.

[mamoosha]

I can't afford to go to court anymore, as my lawyer costs me $500.00/hr then he sends a copy to his assistant...$350.00/hr, and then to her assistant $125.00/hr. So before I even write a letter or he reads a letter. I'm broke. This is my 3rd lawyer 1st one quit, felt too intimated by his law firm..2nd one did both divorce/criminal law. Well criminal was less of a headache for him and it showed on his face how frustrated he was with my ex. So I tried a 3rd one...suppose to be one of the best..oh ya, and the most expensive, who doesn't give me much advice just responds beautifully with his legal team. But that got me far, real far......BROKE and no kids. Now what do I do with no money and totally intimidated by this legal system. I'm so heart broken that I can't face his legal team by myself and I can't afford a lawyer. So ya. no where to go

[dadtotheend]

The lawyer's letters are designed to play into your anxieties and scare you. They mean jack.

Ask for another order for OCL involvement.

And keep pushing towards trial, always. Get a settlement conference, then a trial management conference etc.

[mamoosha]

I get it all. But I'm financially drained because of him. Where do I go from here. Legal assistance is a joke, they would probably run away when they see the mess my EX created.

[dadtotheend]

Borrow, self-represent, or quit.

[mamoosha]

borrow....my parents are old and dying, no siblings
self represent....well, my nerves can't handle anymore stress at this time
Quit....NEVER!!!! We don't live in a communist country with big shot executives controlling good and loyal ex wifes, who stood by them for 18 years (11 of them, while he got laid) and you say quit....never, Maybe the media will listen and help me out.