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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 10-25-2012, 03:41 PM
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The collaboration part, yes; the language of the decision making clause in the agreement, no.

If there is status quo and the children are thriving and the other parent is ready to fight tooth-and-nail against any changes in access/residency, then having joint custody is not going to make any appreciable difference in the odds of gaining shared custody level at a later date.

If the parents are truly collaborating and both are concerned with their children's best interests, needs, and wants, then it is likely that the other parent will agree to a change in residency if the children wish it. I do think the issue that tips the scales is the parties' interpersonal relationship, not the wording of the agreement.
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 10-25-2012, 04:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Mess View Post
To add to what Tayken wrote, the Child Support Guidelines (the actual legislation, not just the tables) refers to "shared custody" in section 9. The CRA also uses the term "shared custody". This term is thus fairly well defined to mean the child resides between 40-60% with each parent.
It is a shame that legislation actually states "shared custody" versus "residency". I have gathered evidence (real, you can hold in your hand) of about 25 cases of people actually using their court orders to screw up the CRA and the other parent.

It just makes explaining things to the CRA so much harder because a lot of times people screw with each other through the organization and you have to explain in long unnecessary letters what defines "shared custody" to the person evaluating if you qualify under the terms of the court order and/or agreement.

As "access time" actually is what relates to the definition of "shared custody" and not the actual line that reads:

x. The Applicant shall have sole custody of the child.

y. The Applicant and Respondent shall split access time on a 50-50 basis of the child.

Give that to the wrong CRA agent with a crafty definition that you should get all the credits and payments because the custody is not "shared". Happens all the time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unevenplayingground View Post
Basicly, the various terms associated with "custody" aren't necessary in an agreement, it's far more accurate to describe the residency schedule and shared/exclusive decision making. In terms of negotiations or even just general conversation, no one seems to use the same understanding of "custody" anyway, so why not just do away with the term?
A very good question.

Last edited by Tayken; 10-25-2012 at 04:21 PM.
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 10-25-2012, 04:18 PM
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Originally Posted by baldclub View Post
Tayken, with all due respect, I understand the difference the difference between shared custody and joint custody.
Ok...?

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Originally Posted by baldclub View Post
I was trying to ask if the fact that he remained in the decision making process (whether real or just a matter of options given the age of the child) as a joint custody parent would show his involvement and thus increase chances later for shared physical custody?
Think in terms of this:

Joint custody in the model of shared parenting
Joint custody in the model of parallel parenting w/ split decision making
Joint custody in the model of parallel parenting w/ consent required
Sole custody to a single parent

Shared physical custody is what?

Joint custody in the model of shared parenting --- with 50-50 access?
Joint custody in the model of shared parenting --- with 60-40 access?
Joint custody in the model of shared parenting --- with 80-20 access?

See how many stupid permutations and combinations of custody and access that can be applied? It just makes everything a pile of mess and has people talking about "shared physical custody" which is??

The only element of the term you are using that could be "physical" is residency. Custody is a logical definition based on decision making and not the physical location of a child. Access is about the physical location of the child.

The terminology of family law sucks hardcore.

Good Luck!
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 10-25-2012, 04:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mess View Post
The collaboration part, yes; the language of the decision making clause in the agreement, no.

If there is status quo and the children are thriving and the other parent is ready to fight tooth-and-nail against any changes in access/residency, then having joint custody is not going to make any appreciable difference in the odds of gaining shared custody level at a later date.

If the parents are truly collaborating and both are concerned with their children's best interests, needs, and wants, then it is likely that the other parent will agree to a change in residency if the children wish it. I do think the issue that tips the scales is the parties' interpersonal relationship, not the wording of the agreement.
Excellent point. The definition of "collaborative" needs to be very clear and concise. Like "with a common objective to success" or something. Not going to spill more beans on that one.
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2012, 06:28 PM
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How long is your posting?

Are you planning on moving back to kingston area when posting done?

Get this in court asap and get an order to facilitate your access while being

posted to other areas.

I had to get an order stating that my access would change around my

training/ deployments without negatively affecting how the courts viewed me

as a father.

As others have stated, do not give up joint without a fight.

You did not choose to move away, you do not choose when and where you

are sent for training, the judge in my case was appalled that my ex was trying

to use my service to my country against me.

Your not the first or the last military member to be in this situation.

Hang tough.
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2012, 07:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kev_b View Post
How long is your posting?

Are you planning on moving back to kingston area when posting done?

Get this in court asap and get an order to facilitate your access while being

posted to other areas.

I had to get an order stating that my access would change around my

training/ deployments without negatively affecting how the courts viewed me

as a father.

As others have stated, do not give up joint without a fight.

You did not choose to move away, you do not choose when and where you

are sent for training, the judge in my case was appalled that my ex was trying

to use my service to my country against me.

Your not the first or the last military member to be in this situation.

Hang tough.

Nice to hear the judge felt this way, regarding your parenting and service to your country.
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