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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 10-10-2014, 05:34 PM
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Originally Posted by FightingForFamily View Post
According to statistics often mentioned by Dr Warren Farrell and others, during divorce men commit suicide at a rate 10 times higher than the average... but I would accept that 3 to 1 is a good overall average across life.

The problem is that men are less likely to share their problems with others (especially other men) and instead internalize them. They are not as good with emotions, don't know how to express them, and most men lack emotional support outside of their spouses (who are now their mortal enemies).

I do remember feeling so powerless and frustrated a few times that I wanted to drive my car into a wall, but it was a fleeting thought and nothing ever came of it.

As a man I have friends, many of them, but our friendships are about doing things together, common interests and hobbies and hanging out. Male friends generally do not get involved in the emotional problems of their other male friends.

Men have a hard time showing or admitting weakness and getting help. It took a lot for me to visit my family doctor and beg for antidepressants. Much to my horror, she refused to prescribe them and told me to "man up". She is no longer my doctor.

I had profound feelings of anger and sadness, but the part of divorce that finally drove me deep into depression and anxiety was being investigated for false allegations of child sexual abuse for nearly a year. I'm OK now but those feelings are always with me and can resurface when triggered.
A lot of this I think is propaganda to turn attention away from the fact that men get depressed because they get raped in court.

If your wife got allegations of child rape, thrown out her home, cheated on, a lifetime alimony, lost half her stuff while her philandering stay at home husband was sleeping with her sister, lost her children SHE WOULD KILL HERSELF!
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Old 10-10-2014, 05:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
A lot of this I think is propaganda to turn attention away from the fact that men get depressed because they get raped in court.

If your wife got allegations of child rape, thrown out her home, cheated on, a lifetime alimony, lost half her stuff while her philandering stay at home husband was sleeping with her sister, lost her children SHE WOULD KILL HERSELF!
Links, the same could be said of anyone male/female/aardvark ... sh$t happens in court - men aren't the only ones who get bamboozled by the legal system!
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Old 10-10-2014, 06:03 PM
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Links, the same could be said of anyone male/female/aardvark ... sh$t happens in court - men aren't the only ones who get bamboozled by the legal system!
I know but I would say the "vast majority" of the time they are. From what I read most people involved in the law agree that for whatever reasons courts tend to side with mom (not because they are women but because they are support receipients, primary caregivers etc...).
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Old 10-10-2014, 07:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
A lot of this I think is propaganda to turn attention away from the fact that men get depressed because they get raped in court.

If your wife got allegations of child rape, thrown out her home, cheated on, a lifetime alimony, lost half her stuff while her philandering stay at home husband was sleeping with her sister, lost her children SHE WOULD KILL HERSELF!
Poppycock. FFF is more accurate, women have the same thoughts of depression... But men don't tend to seek help for depression or thoughts of suicide - whereas, more women do. Also, men don't tend to have a social/familial system to support them - whereas, generally women do.

In addition, a large part of the equation is the weapon of choice - women generally use drugs, which are not as lethal and more easily caught, while men generally have easier access to and use guns- a rather more permanent choice.

You need to go further than the numbers on committing suicide, you need to go into the numbers on attempting suicide. And those numbers appear to evidence more women are attempting suicide. They just fail to succeed. And it is hard to beat a bullet to the temple.

All THAT said, May-May, if you yourself are feeling a little alone out there, I was supported by a few of my close friends for at least 3 years post separation - if you need someone to chit chat with and don't feel like you have someone to turn to, I'm always around and I'm heading into your area this coming Monday.
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Old 10-11-2014, 08:39 PM
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I've heard several people who've been both divorced and widowed say that in their experience, divorce was worse. There's the lack of social support (friends may feel they have to choose sides, or [in my experience] just not want to talk about it all; the nagging feelings of guilt or shame (if I'd only been a better wife/husband, maybe it would have been different), and the betrayal or injury caused by the person you were closest to in the world. Those factors aren't there when a spouse passes away, which is not to minimize the impact of being widowed.

I think that anyone going through a divorce should grab all the support and listening that he or she can find. I also think that sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you don't know that well, rather than a person you are close to.
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