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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 10-09-2014, 10:19 PM
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The legal system in Ontario is a mess. It's a system that favours those with high conflict personalities, and bankrupts those who are trying to get what they are owed/deserved.
I'm wondering if anyone has any status on people going through divorce, and how many have committed suicide ? how many have contemplated ?
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Old 10-09-2014, 10:56 PM
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I for one can tell you that the legal system in Quebec is just as messy - the problem is nationwide. Canada's divorce laws are outdated.
I don't have any stats to share with you, though as far as contemplating suicide, I'm certain many people have come close to that point. Divorce being one of life's most difficult challenges to face.

It poisons every aspect of an individuals life - their finances, their relationship with children and extended family, friends take sides, most ppl have to move, change jobs/find jobs ect.

Of course it reeks havoc with our health, leads to depression which sometimes leads to thoughts of suicide. Best thing to do is seek medical help and make the best of a horrible situation.
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Old 10-09-2014, 11:00 PM
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May-May, I think there are many studies that indicate those in the process of divorce/separation have a higher rate of suicide. I can't think of any other life event where we are as consistently stressed and sad - it takes a toll on all of us.

It's key to have a strong support system for yourself. I had 3 or 4 friends who really stepped it up and were my rocks. They kept tabs on me, made sure to visit our new home regularly for dinners, playdates, etc. and kept me busy. I'm forever grateful.

Where are you now in the process? Has he not sold the mat home/disclosed yet? Ughhh.
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Old 10-10-2014, 01:00 AM
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Its mostly men that kill themselves.
-Lose your wife (sometimes betrayal)
-Lose your children
-Get Replaced
-Become an ATM
etc....

Its pretty sad....

For Women its can be like:
-Get a new boyfriend
-Get supported my ex-husband
-Stay unemployed as long as possible
-Get single mother props
-Get lots of child benefits and support
-rinse and repeat?

NOT ALL WOMEN, but for WOMEN it never gets that "BAD" because there are so many safety nets and systems to support.
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Old 10-10-2014, 01:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post

NOT ALL WOMEN, but for WOMEN it never gets that "BAD" because there are so many safety nets and systems to support.

It gets plenty bad for many women depending on their age and financial circumstances - the safety nets you mention are out there and are about as efficient as the legal system . It's not perfect but it's all we have ...

Regardless of divorce, males have a higher percentage of suicides 3 to 1 according to this study:

Men’s Suicide Rate is 3 Times That of Women | Psych Central News

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Old 10-10-2014, 06:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
Its mostly men that kill themselves.
-Lose your wife (sometimes betrayal)
-Lose your children
-Get Replaced
-Become an ATM
etc....

Its pretty sad....

For Women its can be like:
-Get a new boyfriend
-Get supported my ex-husband
-Stay unemployed as long as possible
-Get single mother props
-Get lots of child benefits and support
-rinse and repeat?

NOT ALL WOMEN, but for WOMEN it never gets that "BAD" because there are so many safety nets and systems to support.
Oh boy Links, you're not the only one who got screwed, and it's not always crazy women like you seem to think.

Sometimes it's like this too.

- man cheats
- man moves away from children
- man refuses to pay child support
- man stops using access to children

I have no stats but in divorce no one wins, everyone loses.
Most importantly the kids.
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Old 10-10-2014, 08:29 AM
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I hate to even say this, BUT when I read in the news about a man offing his wife during a divorce, I wonder why it doesn't happen more often....

Of course it's not right, but when someone is in a altered state of mind, anything is possible....
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Old 10-10-2014, 08:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OntarioMomma View Post
Oh boy Links, you're not the only one who got screwed, and it's not always crazy women like you seem to think.

Sometimes it's like this too.

- man cheats
- man moves away from children
- man refuses to pay child support
- man stops using access to children

I have no stats but in divorce no one wins, everyone loses.
Most importantly the kids.
Or even better, is when a woman does all of the above...
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Old 10-10-2014, 09:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by movingON1975 View Post
I hate to even say this, BUT when I read in the news about a man offing his wife during a divorce, I wonder why it doesn't happen more often....

Of course it's not right, but when someone is in a altered state of mind, anything is possible....
It does happen more often than you think; it just doesn't always make the news. Of course, my job gives me some availability bias.

I've heard that the top two sources of stress are death of a spouse and divorce. I think it's perfectly understandable that they are the top two, because both involve the loss of a person's main emotional support in dealing with stress. I've always been confused about why they aren't in the other order though. When a spouse dies, all friends and both families rally around to support the survivor, there's lots of sympathy, an insurance payout, etc. When a spouse leaves, the money is divided, the friends and families are divided, and depending on the circumstances, often those who remain aren't entirely supportive because they blame you for the relationship breakdown. I suppose the emotional circumstances around divorces are various enough that on average, they rank lower than a death. Personally, I believe I would have coped much better with the stress of my ex dying than I did with his cheating and lying and abandoning.

And some related thoughts/opinions:

In stressful times, men more often react with aggression and women more often react with depression. Suicide in men strikes me as an expression of aggression turned on themselves, and probably in some ways as a perceived form of punishment against their ex. Men commit suicide when they have everything (children) taken away and have nothing left to live for. Maybe women do not commit suicide nearly as often because their children are not usually taken away - they may remain depressed, but they do not have that same overwhelming sense of loss and they still have responsibilities.

Last edited by Rioe; 10-10-2014 at 09:22 AM.
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Old 10-10-2014, 09:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OntarioMomma View Post
Oh boy Links, you're not the only one who got screwed, and it's not always crazy women like you seem to think.

Sometimes it's like this too.

- man cheats
- man moves away from children
- man refuses to pay child support
- man stops using access to children

I have no stats but in divorce no one wins, everyone loses.
Most importantly the kids.
When this occurs the system is "not working as intended". Enforcement of child support pretty much escalates up to but not including the death penalty and if you want to evade your responsibilities you pretty much have to destroy your life.

In your scenario the man still loses his children who will grow up to hate him and invariably he will want contact with them again in the future.

The scenario I am putting forward is "business as usual".
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