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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 09-06-2013, 07:04 PM
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Default Mediation "Worked"

After 3 years of her antics... and with 3 weeks to go to trial... 2 bankers boxes full of documents... 479 files in my PC Divorce folder... 689 (non-deleted) emails... 3 fully read and earmarked Bill Eddy books... we had an intense 6 hour mediation session where she basically took the offer that's been on the table for 2.5 years.

I'm drained.... and relieved.... but incredibly pi**ed at the system and these laws.

I put "worked" in quotes, as I am now stuck with support payments with no end. Our separation is 3 weeks passed the day where "rule of 65" kicks in. She's fully retired at 49 years old (no desire to work). I'm now facing a massive financial rebuilding and potentially 40 years of support payments. How did the laws ever get like this ????

I have a mountain of anger and bitterness to work through... not only dealing with what she's dragged us through, but the financial destruction, and the legal system which supports this nonsense. Now, after a lifetime of financial diligence, at 52 I face an almost insurmountable rebuilding effort while she kicks back for the next 40 years on my dime.

aaarrrggghhh....

Thanks to everyone who has provided guidance through this crap... this forum, and you people, are phenomenal... I'm not going anywhere for a while... I just hope I can give back what I've got from it.

< end of vent >
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Old 09-06-2013, 07:51 PM
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whaaaa? Did the "rule of 65" play large in your settlement?

So she doesn't have to work anymore? Age 49? That's amazing. You must be a rich dude or have extraordinary circumstances or, while you have to pay indefinitely, the amount is relatively small?

Sometimes 40 yrs of support payments are better (small ones) than a large lump sum which takes all of your home equity. I'm sure you knew what you were doing in negotiating this. Hopefully.
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Old 09-06-2013, 08:17 PM
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I'm not rich. The payments are not small. The technical term is "indefinite"... I am extrapolating 40 years for life planning purposes.

She has never worked during the marriage (much against my will).

I chose a fixed end date in the mediation as a "hill to die on", however mediator and my lawyer said if it went to trial, 95% the court would find sympathy with her and apply the "indefinite" clause.... there are other "extenuating" circumstances where the court would also find sympathy with her... complete garbage in my opinion, but everyone told me "court would find sympathy" with her.

They "softened" it with I can apply to retire and reduce payments.... starting at 60... but this just means the court battles will be going on for life.

I was my first divorce mediation. I hope I knew what I was doing.
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Old 09-06-2013, 09:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SomeGuy View Post

She has never worked during the marriage (much against my will).

I.

That's the biggie I'm afraid.

Please think before you start a career of going to court to fight this. My ex has taken me to court 7 times and failed each and every time.

You are much further ahead to get your ex to agree to something and then have it written up.

Had my ex kept his g/f out of matters he would have done much better I can assure you.

Take a break from this for a while and reflect. Don't do a "knee jerk" reaction. There will be plenty of time to go to court if you decide to try that route.
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Old 09-06-2013, 09:12 PM
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Do try to find some information on 'early retirement' and how it can be viewed as a means to avoid support payments - better yet, get a decent lawyer who will keep you from trying this as it won't work.
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Old 09-06-2013, 09:25 PM
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SomeGuy - by the way, sorry to hear things didn't go as you had hoped. Sounds like you have accomplished much though.

Hope you managed to get a stepped-up SS agreement which basically gives your ex incentive to work. Those are quite common nowadays, even with spouses who haven't worked before. I understand that judges like them as well.

Be good to yourself -you've earned it. Terrible ordeal you've been through.
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Old 09-06-2013, 10:13 PM
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Thanks Arabian - it's my only regret... other than that ALL the rest of the issues went my way... which is what they should have since day one.

If I could do it over again .... It now is what it is.

My story around the water cooler is developing into "she had this offer 2.5 years ago.. only the lawyers won". I'm a living, breathing, textbook example of this.

No short term intention to challenge. My best case would have been 16 years of support anyway, so a bit of time to figure out the next steps ...

Cheers
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Old 09-06-2013, 10:24 PM
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I have a maxim that I live by - "to be satisfied look at those beneath you (less fortunate than you)". When I hear about story like yours and I know I got off the crazy bus after only a short marriage I feel great!
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Old 09-06-2013, 11:22 PM
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And one of my major maxims is - "Everything happens for a reason".

As Arabian says - "Take a break for a while and reflect".

Man this forum is therapeutic.
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Old 09-06-2013, 11:52 PM
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Did your pension get equalized? Surely when you retire, you can argue that your support should go down or be eliminated so she isn't double dipping.
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