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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #31 (permalink)  
Old 05-31-2014, 12:07 PM
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LF32 without a substantive police report filed and presented to a judge at the onset, your STBX should not have been able to do what she has done. Period. She should have been made to trot her sorry ass back to the matrimonial home with daughter. If she wanted to leave the home that would be her prerogative, but to abduct the child is disgusting really.

For you to be denied seeing your daughter for 3 months without knowing what dirt the other side allegedly has on you, simply should NOT be happening. It is wrong, wrong, wrong.
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  #32 (permalink)  
Old 05-31-2014, 12:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
All of this pretrial conference crap I read about is ridiculous.... judges writing notes on the endorsements to leave coded messages to the next judge - just ridiculous IMO. I am still yet to understand WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL OF THIS IF EVERYONE IS NOT GOING TO COOPERATE AND GIVE FULL DISCLOSURE?????
The point is: (and I'm seriously jaded to be honest) it's a very lucrative industry for all involved --- I have no problem with lawyers, judges and court clerks earning decent wages for all their years of training BUT I do take issue with the way their business is run ... and yes family law is a business.

If we only knew half of what went on behind closed doors, most of us stay married to the Devil himself rather than expose ourselves to this BS!
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Old 06-01-2014, 12:48 PM
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Originally Posted by mememe View Post
I feel the court system supports "bad behaviour"----until court date. Then....depending on the judge...they find an excuse for the bad behaviour, or, if you have a good lawyer, and if you have been "above board" yourself, maybe, maybe you will get a good judge that will do the right thing. But it is luck of the draw on the judge......so all your good behaviour may be meaningless.
This is why good lawyer bring conflicted matters to trial faster and don't sit back and wait for more nonsense to generate.

Again, to each their own I guess. I see it from a very different (researched) prospective and not the Lundy Bancroft nonsense side of the fence I guess.
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Old 06-01-2014, 01:21 PM
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I don't have the means to have a lawyer right now. I should researchs ways to push for an early trial?
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Old 06-01-2014, 06:39 PM
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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
I don't have the means to have a lawyer right now. I should researchs ways to push for an early trial?
In my opinion going to trial might not be the best solution for you as trial is best for uncooperative spouses unable to negotiate or agree on anything. Since your priority is child custody --- the courts will want to see if (at least one of you) is capable of keeping things civil for the child's sake.

Your best strategy is to keep pushing for mediation and remain flexible. So far you have done exactly that.
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Old 06-01-2014, 06:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Janibel View Post
In my opinion going to trial might not be the best solution for you as trial is best for uncooperative spouses unable to negotiate or agree on anything. Since your priority is child custody --- the courts will want to see if (at least one of you) is capable of keeping things civil for the child's sake.

Your best strategy is to keep pushing for mediation and remain flexible. So far you have done exactly that.
However, knowing there is a trial looming can give an ex incentive to participate in the mediation or negotiation process. Otherwise they just drag things out longer to preserve a favourable status quo.
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Old 06-01-2014, 09:14 PM
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It's all about willingness to cooperate and communicate for joint custody at trial correct? Is this the ex's objective? To just say "no communication", "I don't want to cooperate", "I don't want mediation". "I want to tell the judge at trial that I deserve full custody and he gets EOW because there's no way we (She means just her) can communicate". I read so many canlii cases like this where one party just refuses to cooperate/communicate and gets full custody because of it. Please say that's not how it works. All I want to do is be reasonable, communicate, cooperate and work out a nice 50/50 joint plan.
Also, with my mound of e-mails, registered letters asking for access, mediation, ourfamilywizard, to exchange parenting plans, etc. Its abundantly apparent that I have been unaccepting of this from the get go. I sure do hope the status quo quest will end poorly for the other party. Seems so dirty.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 06-01-2014 at 09:20 PM.
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  #38 (permalink)  
Old 06-02-2014, 09:51 AM
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I agree with RIOE.

Mediation works if both parents are willing and able to focus on the child's interests. If both parties are aware that if mediation fails then there will be a trial, the outcome of mediation is more likely to be a decision based on the child's interests. Unfortunately mediation can be used as a time and money pit by an unreasonable party, with the intended function of wearing down a reasonable party. The leverage provided by the prospect of a judge's decision instead of mediation is most effective if the long legal process before a trial is ongoing. It makes the possibility of a judicial decision more real.

Don't employ a mediator who is unaware of up-to-date jurispriudence, because up-to-date jurisprudence is what decisions should be based on. Avoid a "professional" who encourages decisions which are based on their own biases instead of on judicial decisions, which are based on the law and children's interests.

Be aware that mediation is an attempt by the mediator to bring the two parties to the middle. If one party starts at a self-serving and unreasonable position and the other party begins where the child's interests lie, and the two parties should agree to meet in the middle between those two, the result is going to be a long way from where the child's interests are. In this case, a trial is likely to result in a much better decision.
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