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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 02-28-2016, 03:01 PM
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So let them feel no pressure, no pushing. Just a place where Dad is and calls home and they can be themselves. As you said Mom will make hers a place of all about Mom but you need to make your home all about them. Accept them, let them make decisions regarding what they need.

I would think the first time they would likely come with just some clothes for the time they are there, but as they realize you are cool with their decisions and letting things go back and forth as they need they will likely start bringing more and leaving more.

As long as when they come they bring the fun and laughter of being with you and when they leave they leave knowing you are there for them unconditionally and you have the echoes of their happy times in their home with you then that's what matters. Not half of everything they own.

Concentrate on them the people.
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Old 02-28-2016, 09:53 PM
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I tell my kids they can take whatever they want wherever thyey want, there are so many other real problems to worry about that IDC if they a 10$ pair of pants or a toy back and forth, the divorce cost $100,000 and I pay her so much money every month everything else like this is small potatoes...
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Old 03-06-2016, 10:46 PM
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Funny... no I should say " strange ".

After I saw and talked to the kids yesterday, I send a new text message to them to let them know that I was happy to see them and couldn't wait to see them next Thursday for our first visit. Once again, no response.

I remember my gf asking the children if they were anxious to come back at home after so many months and if they were happy about it. My S15 was speechless and D13 murmured she didn't know. Looks like they are always worried of what to say as if they were being watched or heard. D8 had lots to say. She's excited to see our little T-cup chiwawa and going back in the hot tub. No matter what, I can tell, she's the one who will always stand up and express what she really feels.

I know I'll have to be patient but I need my kids, S15 and D13 to accept and realize that things has changed and they will now spend time with their father in another home than the one they are still living with their mother. If we can run into a real schedule, where they can sleep, eat, take a shower, a bath, play games, do their homework, watch TV, play with friends... maybe it would be easier to settle.

The system makes it so slow and hard to reach 50/50, no wonder the children are a little reluctant to change.
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Old 03-20-2016, 01:14 PM
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Now that I'm starting to see my kids, they reply and communicate by text messages when they're not at home with their mother. D13 had several sleepovers during the March Break and every time she was with her friends, she would text me some messages. Very brief little messages but this is all I need for the moment. :-)
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Old 03-21-2016, 12:20 PM
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Happy to hear things are going well!
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Old 04-14-2016, 01:11 PM
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Hi M007,

I have been through what your going through. If you love your children they will know, and I you can never lose them.

I had to change cities, jobs, and abandon gf and business to pursue them, but now all 4 of my children have chosen to live with me.

Don't give up, and always show them you love them. They will respond. It just takes time.
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