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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 02-24-2016, 01:54 AM
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Default Kids won't reply to me... is it them or their Mother?

I think this is the hardest part of going through a divorce.

When we were still living in the matrimonial home and sharing our parental time, kids would be spending more time with me than her. I was always doing something to keep myself busy and the children would stick close as they were curious to see what I was doing. Probably they were spying on me for their mother LOL. The thing is, when I lost access to the house after she changed the locks almost a year ago, it didn't take long after to completely lost contact with my kids. All communications had stopped the same day and around the same time. Since then, I would text and email them with no response... until the incident occurred.

After the incident through last week, I was restrained to communicate with them in any ways unless their is an agreement in place. I saw them five times during the summer and then nothing. When I finally got discharged for my mistake last week, I send a message to them to let them know that I was able to talk to them again and I would like to hear from them. Nothing... my message was read by both of them but no response.

Is it because they really don't want to talk to me or their mother is telling them not to response? I had a confirmation from CAS that the mother told the kids about the incident. My doubt is that the mother uses the criminal charge to her advantage to dissuade the kids from keeping any contact with me. Funny thing is that the kids had the same relation we use to have when I saw them this summer. Now, in her affidavit, she's stating that they don't wish to see nor spend time with their father at all. I'm pretty sure she's playing a game with them. Wouldn't be surprise that she threats to remove their iPods or cuts the WiFi access if they talk with me. Either she controls everything or "Brainwash" them in order to get more and more. Unreasonable she is.

I'm asking for just a simple "Hi dad!"... or at least... "HI" would be just fine with me. No response at all is just painful.
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Old 02-24-2016, 02:05 AM
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That would be painful, and I'm sorry you're going through this. It may be difficult for them as well and may take some time for them to come around and open that door again, especially if there is stress on them that they may face repercussions from the other parent.

Have patience and continue to reach out to them with little notes to let them know you are thinking of them.

The waiting sucks, for sure, but keep trying.
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Old 02-24-2016, 08:08 AM
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note this down, might be proof of PA, you can fix it soon
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Old 02-24-2016, 08:34 AM
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This happens to a lot of people sadly. Your ex is probably influencing them. You will have to get used to being ignored. Dont stop sending messages though. Keep telling them you love them, you hope theyre having a good day and youre thinking about them.

And document EVERYTHING.
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Old 02-24-2016, 08:39 AM
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if they are reading the messages then maybe they are not sure how to respond yet. I agree with the others, keep sending brief messages to them. Try not to flood them with a constant barrage (like once an hour or something like that)
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Old 02-24-2016, 08:56 AM
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And dont send messages like "why wont you talk to me" or putting down their mother etc. Keep them neutral and child focused with no expectations attached.

If the child is being alienated then they are in a difficult position and have their loyalty questioned. By saying anything negative about the other parent or making demands, the other parent will use it as a weapon. "See, your father hates me and is using you to hurt me". Neutral, short, non demanding messages are things they have to remind them you love them.

Their mothers love is conditional on them hating you. Remember that at all times and how hard it is for a child to understand that.
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Old 02-25-2016, 01:09 AM
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Yes my messages are very short and sweet and I am not sending numerous messages. This morning, I send one and they both read it but still no response. I just told them to have a good day, I was hoping to see them soon and that I love them. That's it. I'll probably send another one this weekend just before the motion.

Thanks a lot for your support. I did some electrical and painting today to keep myself busy. Well I should say... she kept me busy lol. There is always a "to do list" when you buy an old house. I can't wait to get my kids to choose the color of their rooms.
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Old 02-25-2016, 10:52 AM
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Good next communication. Message a picture of the room and ask them to start thinking about a colour for their room.

I think I remember that your daughters are not little more close to teens so the damage Mom is doing will,most likely come back to bite her.

Just keep the contact up. Never forget their birthdays, Easter, Valentine's etc. If you expect Mom is not passing on the gifts sent through the post then text the girls and ask them if they liked the first you did send.

They will in time make up their own minds.
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Old 02-25-2016, 01:40 PM
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I have a different strat, for now I don't see my kids for 10 days straight (then I see them 4 days, 3 days off, 4days again) , I tried for a while or phone calls etc... but I just gave up and got shared custody instead.

My kids say their mom stops them from calling and stuff and I dont like to stress them about it, I know they love me (I'm the best dad ever ) and when they're with me they are great with me.

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Good next communication. Message a picture of the room and ask them to start thinking about a colour for their room.
I am not sure I agree with this type of thing, I think its ok for the kids to just focus on the parent they are with 100% of the time when they are with them rather than the other parent constantly intruding.

All this is short term pain, focus on long term and minimize conflict.

Obviously, this ruins the children in the long run but that's life...
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Old 02-27-2016, 11:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
I am not sure I agree with this type of thing, I think its ok for the kids to just focus on the parent they are with 100% of the time when they are with them rather than the other parent constantly intruding.
I agree with this for the simple reason that I don't want her to interfere with the kids while they are with me. To keep it clear, I'll show the example by not interfering when she is spending her time with them. Fare as simple. I will discuss any topics with the children when they are with me. It's the only way I will have 100% of their attention and the confidence that their answers and wishes are 100% from them and not influenced. Same with the stuff I'll buy for them (clothes, toys, make-ups, jewelleries, accessories, gifts, ect...), they'll get it when they'll be under my parenting time and it will stay at their dad's house, their other home.
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