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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 06-26-2013, 09:18 PM
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Sos, that's great to know that you have ended that toxic relationship. "Toxic" is probably an overused word, but it is such an apt description for the connection between the perpetrator and the abused victim. The perpetrator literally poisons us in many ways, including the physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
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Old 06-27-2013, 11:10 AM
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I have always loved this poem and want to share it with you! it is by an anonymous author!

"Comes The Dawn"

After awhile you learnthe subltle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with your
head up and your eyes open with the grace of
a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
for tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
And futures's have a wayu of falling down in mid-flight.
And after awhile you learn that even sunshine
burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate
your own soul instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn you really can endure....that
you really do have worth.
And you learn and you learn...with every
goodbye you learn.
-Anonymous

Somehow this poem gives me strength and courage!!! Hope it does the same for all of you!! It is tough but I have figured out that several minimum wage jobs turns into quite a bit of money. It is amazing what a gallon of paint can do!! Oh and a glass of wine or a shot of whiskey can be a good thing!!! LOL
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Old 06-27-2013, 11:19 AM
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Thanks for the poem. I know a couple of women in my life who could use these words of wisdom.
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Old 06-27-2013, 11:25 AM
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Thanks for reminding me of the poem. I don't why I didn't recall it. Virginia Shoffstall wrote it I believe in 1971. This poem should be on the walls of every shelter house in the nation.
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Old 06-27-2013, 11:26 AM
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Your welcome!! Please share with them! Hope you are having a beautiful day wherever you are!!! The sky is blue here and I feel ALIVE and hopeful and courageous today!!! Trying to pass on the good feeling!!
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Old 06-27-2013, 11:29 AM
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Thanks for the authors name. My copy says Anonymous and I have had this on my bulletin board since the 80's. Somehow I have kept it despite all my moves!!!
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Old 06-27-2013, 11:31 AM
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We all need to feel that no matter what has happened in our lives, we are surviving and thriving, and each day is a blessing, to be used to benefit not only ourselves, but others. I'm going for my walk now. Its's a beautiful day!
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Old 06-27-2013, 03:02 PM
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'So you plant your own garden and decorate
your own soul instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.'

What a wonderful poem, it made my day!

Thank youfor posting this SOS
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Old 06-27-2013, 03:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by caranna View Post
Sos, that's great to know that you have ended that toxic relationship. "Toxic" is probably an overused word, but it is such an apt description for the connection between the perpetrator and the abused victim. The perpetrator literally poisons us in many ways, including the physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
So true! whenever I think of the STBX I feel physically and spiritually ill. The antidote is time, time and yet more time. I am looking forward to the day when he will no longer have any real impact on my well-being.

The tears will dry, the bruises will heal, the heart will mend itself ... all in good time.
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Old 06-27-2013, 04:21 PM
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It will happen...instead of your day being consumed by thoughts and feelings of him or him, you can just let moments happen and I think eventually it becomes to be a thing of the past that doesn't even require a daily moment. Don't think about the time wasted in giving yourself to that person but change your thinking to I won't let him/her control any more of my time. Use that time that you used to give to them for taking care of yourself. It is so freeing and remember that you are not being selfish but healthy people don't give everything of themselves away to someone else. You must cognitively figure out what about you attracts people that will take everything and what about you that needs to change so it doesn't happen again. I am sure those of you (like myself) that are in these relationships are generous, kind, and loving people to the detrimate of your own well being. Therein lies the problem...change that and still be who youare but have boundaries!! Blessings to you all and to me this amzing day!!!
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