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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 06-21-2013, 11:07 PM
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Default Keeping sane through it all?

Just looking for any hope, advice or input as to how you stay sane through the whole ***ing process?

I'm doing my best to keep a cool head and not let the emotions 'blunder' my decision making but it's not easy.

There are days when I feel so relieved to be ending this God-awful relationship - at other times it's like there's a continuous loop of 'what ifs' in my head. Worse is the nagging feeling that I may have forgotten some very important detail, or that my lawyer may have been a bad choice?

It's not like we get another chance to do this right?

Signed: Nervous Nellie
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Old 06-21-2013, 11:43 PM
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You'll be fine. Take the time to make sure everything you send is well thought out and fair, businesslike and unemotional. Then don't send it.

Do something else, put it out of your mind and distract yourself with things you enjoy.

Then come back to it, re-read it and if it still makes sense, hit the send button.

Once it's sent, it's sent. No sense worrying about all the what-if's. Go back to doing what you enjoy and wait until there's something to stress about.

Wash, rinse, repeat.
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Old 06-21-2013, 11:55 PM
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Will do
Things could be worse - I admit - my home could be in Calgary (what a mess).
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Old 06-22-2013, 12:05 AM
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Indeed. In the words of my favourite actress, Dory: "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming...."
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Old 06-22-2013, 12:10 AM
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Lol! we are like graceful swans .... above the water we appear cool and dignified but below we're paddling like crazy!
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Old 06-22-2013, 01:13 PM
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I am on the same boat with you Janibel or even worse.

A year passed since the beginning of this nightmare and it doesn't seem to get any easier, just worst and worst with every day, every lawyer's letter, with every lawyer's bill and worst of all, every time our child needs to be returned (and it was always religiously done on time) it's heart breaking.

I was through hell before on more than one occasion but absolutely nothing can compare with this pain, absolutely nothing. I don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs. Meditation (not mediation) doesn't work. Can't read, can't watch TV, can't concentrate and it feels like I am slowly dying.
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Old 06-22-2013, 01:49 PM
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Sorry to hear of your pain Mother, I know it all to well. I'm just thankful that my son is old enough and on his own, though it still has had a n negative affect on him as he no longer wishes to speak to his father.

I have tried my best to explain to him that the issue is between his dad an me and that his father does love him. I do not want him to take sides as I feel it would hurt him in the long run.

It's also been a year for me and it's seems to be one 'shock' after another. I'm trying to be positive - not easy living in 'limbo'. The fear of the unknown can be gut-wrenching at times ...

Here's the best advice given to me: try to treat yourself with kindness and keep a gentle heart but in court prepare for it carefully, poker face and all. Don't let your emotions fog up your better judgement - divorce is after all a business transaction.

One day at a time or one hour at a time. I make lists, that's how I 'attempt' to stay sane ... I'll go to the grocery store, then I'll call my sister, then I'll have a cup of tea, then I'll walk the dog ... you get the idea.

Hopefully we will get through this. How do people do it, they just do it, what other choice do we have?

Take care,
Jan XX
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Old 06-22-2013, 02:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janibel View Post
How do people do it, they just do it, what other choice do we have?
Exactly! That's why I guess I am still alive.
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Old 06-22-2013, 02:19 PM
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I also try to remind myself of how a woman of my age/situation would fare in some other country - it helps me put things in perspective.

You're still alive, don't let your past define you.
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Old 06-22-2013, 02:33 PM
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It is hard after being married for over 4 decades but it can be done. Nothing worthwhile is ever really easy. Sometimes I have to force myself to do things, like going to places on my own, meeting new people. It's incredible how people are put in my path, just when I need them.

Here's two things that happened in less than 24 hours that may seem like small matters but to me are HUGE:

Yesterday I had been wondering if I should have my hair cut. I hadn't been to a hair salon in almost 2 years. I was walking, saw a salon and decided to go in...but it was 6:00 p.m....I wondered if they would be closing soon? The beautiful lady at the door welcomed me in and insisted I stay. I found out out very early in our conversation that she had also been severely physically abused by her then husband, was divorced and has since remarried. She gave the biggest hugs I've ever received. Btw, she did wonderful work on my hair.

Today I walked in to high-class jewellery store. The lady greeted me in a friendly but dignified manner. I asked her point-blank "Can you cut this ring off"? Without missing a beat she said "sure" and there would be no charge.

Talk care of your health, help others, and be open to new experiences and meeting new people. I haven't started the dating scene yet but have met some amazing people.
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