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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 11-23-2015, 03:02 PM
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Default Just venting... striving for equal time/treatment

It's been almost 10 years...10 friggin years...

And the ex still says stupid things.

We don't have an order, as we have basically come to an understanding, that neither of us wanted to go to court. When things get tense, it gets talked about, but then it dies down.

So, we share custody. She has more time of course, because she would not budge from actually sharing the time, as she felt it meant more child support for her, at the time, and I'm the Dad, so I should be lucky I get as much time as I do.

Ex's attitude still hasn't really changed, when it comes to S9.

I pay her offset support - used to pay her full support, back in the days, for a few years, but basically told her, that's crazy. We have shared custody, you won't tell me how much you make, so I'm going to pay X dollars a month for offset. If you don't like it, take me to court, but since you're not providing your disclosure, I'm guessing you're still getting more than you would. So I'll take my chances.

She wouldn't provide her income. When she would, she stated she would only provide for a timeframe, when she was on maternity leave, with her 2nd child (duh...nice try).

She has full weekends with our son. When son is with me on weekends, she dictated this arbitrary "son must be back by Xpm" on Sunday, for me. It's BS...but whatever, we were doing that. I caved, to avoid crazy, and court, thinking, we could discuss it as time went on, and son gets older.

Everytime I try to discuss, that's a gong show.

It's come up more recently again. On weekend, son is with me. Ex is asking favour, about picking up son during my weekend with him, for her parent's celebration dinner. I could say no, but that would bring up BS again, and things have been okay for awhile, so why rock the boat.

Tell her "sure, that's fine, if I can drop him off after X time" because we already have plans right before. He'll be gone for a few hours. It's very disruptive, as it's smack in the middle of dinner/evening Sat. night. Ask if son can stay Sunday night, so we have more time. She has said yes, a couple of times before recently.

(Hmmm...I'm ranting a lot...maybe I should start new post)

Last edited by dad2bandm; 11-23-2015 at 03:13 PM. Reason: Clarified discussion point.
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Old 11-23-2015, 03:05 PM
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This time, huge issue for her. "why, it's just a dinner. So what, your dinner plans are affected. This happens every year anyway, you should be used to it"

It's true. She pulls this every year, when it's my weekend.

It's not the particular dinner per se, but the intrusions, and the fact I already have a shortened weekend...

Anyway, in her reasons about why we should not totally share weekends with our son (she should have more time, I should have less), she pulled the:

Quote:
"You have him way more than the average father...it's not changing"
And

Quote:
"And pay a hell of a lot less than any other guy out there for child support"
(due to offset support)

10 years later... and still not an equal parent in her eyes.

Last edited by dad2bandm; 11-23-2015 at 03:25 PM. Reason: Clarified offset support.
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Old 11-23-2015, 03:09 PM
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And...

In her eyes, I don't have a "shortened weekend".

Oh, and... when our son has brought it up to her, he only wants to spend extra time (equal weekend time) with me, because I let him do whatever he wants with no electronic device supervision, etc. And that's why our son has focus issues at school.

Because of Dad's house. (rolling eyes)
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Old 11-23-2015, 03:18 PM
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And apparently, now she's thrown in some stupid comment, about the offset support, saying she doesn't need to provide "disclosure" anyway, as suddenly she's making $0, and going back to school.

How random?
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Old 11-23-2015, 03:25 PM
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Idiot comments, about how, from now on, if I'm going to ask for "extra" time, she's going to keep him longer for that time. She's mentioning things that I strictly asked for, because of my shortened weekend, during my weekend.

Oh, and my work's kids functions. (that's just idiocy, because those requests in the past have been like):

"Hey, my work is holding a kids function. S9 would probably enjoy it. I can bring him, if you want, and nothing else is going on. Just thought I'd let you know. Let me know, either way."

Nobody is forcing a gun to her head on those.
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Old 11-23-2015, 03:27 PM
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And now, I'm to text her when I'm close today, picking up S9. Don't knock...do not even get out of my vehicle.

Apparently, she must be having a horrible day today.
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Old 11-23-2015, 03:35 PM
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It must be difficult to take all of this calmly. Vent away.

I have no real constructive solution, but you do have my sympathy. I know how it feels to be belittled and devalued. Sounds like you are trying to keep things on an even keel for your child's sake. Just remember that your child knows how important you are even if your ex does not.

Last edited by PeacefulMoments; 11-23-2015 at 03:35 PM. Reason: typo
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Old 11-23-2015, 03:44 PM
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It's my own doing I suppose, since, you can only agree, until you disagree, and then we have nothing concrete on paper, to fall back on. I really thought, that we were at least past this nonsense, since it's not like our child is a baby anymore.
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Old 11-23-2015, 04:14 PM
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And this is what I get to look forward to. We're mere sperm donors in their eyes. It reminds and motivates me that I need everything in iron clad orders moving forward.

You and I are in the same boat .. all we ask is for peace and equality. Unfortunately some don't believe in the maximum contact principle and have this steaming disposition of self-entitlement.

Even on the radio this morning I heard 2 hosts talking about "normal" parenting schedules ---> dads being EOW. So I guess society hasn't caught up yet .. but we're getting there. Slowly but surely.

Some dad's cant handle it, don't want it and hit the bars instead.

Then there's us .. the one's who are loving, caring, devoted and have already stepped up to the plate .... only to be told to sit on the bench.

Take a deep breath ..I wish you luck my friend.
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Old 11-23-2015, 04:31 PM
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It should make Christmas-time planning fun now. Jeez.

I wonder what her comment about "zero income" is about, now, all of a sudden, and school. Apparently, she took some time off work, for "anxiety" just in the last month. Is she not going back then? That seems very sudden.
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