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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 07-29-2011, 02:22 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,809
Pursuinghappiness will become famous soon enough

Epinecone: Since you're obviously too cowardly and spineless to address me directly, let me help you out.

First of all, if you search any thread on this forum when someone is trying to decide whether or not to get a divorce...there's some standard advice....

ie. Do research on what divorce means, seek legal advice, save paperwork, keep a parenting diary...among a few other things

This advice is never gender specific, it is repeatedly offered up to both sexes as standard advice and has zero to do with my being a "self agrandizing feminist" (do make an effort not to be so dickless that you deny you weren't directing that nonsense my way).

That being said...if you could read and would then see that my first advice was actually to try to work out marital issues. I think its a damned shame that it isn't suggested more often. She obviously cares deeply for her husband and it sounds like he's having a hard time...might just be a phase. He may legitimately have a mental health issue that needs to be addressed. The first action to take is to see if you can save the marriage. THAT is actually the best thing for her children if it can be accomplished in a functional way.

If she does need to get no point did I suggest that she should protect herself and her children from their father...that is a complete load of garbage. Either find where I said that and post it or pound sand. In fact, I said numerous times the complete opposite.

What she needs to protect herself against is the accusations that can be levelled in family court. When she walks in there, she needs to have financials ready and documentation to show who she is...what kind of parent she is...and how she manages their life. If a man did'd have no issue with it..and its no different for women. Regardless of gender, you have to go to who you are..and defend yourself. If any party is actively engaged in hiding financials, lying, must protect yourself...because it often WORKS in court.

You will see a million threads on here about people ...both men and women who have majority custody of their kids...not because they're bad people who stole kids away from the other parent....but because the other parent has emotional or mental issues that prevent them from stepping up and doing their parenting duty.

50/50 sounds lovely if you can manage it...but you can't force another person to stand up to their responsibility if they aren't going to...either a woman or a man. While children do deserve both often one of those parents (both men and women) default on that responsibility. And a parent's duty is to their children...not their ex spouse...period. In this case, its HIS do the right thing. Its ridiculous to suggest that she can coerce him into being a dad...she can't do that....totally his choice.

Its completely and absolutely cowardly to set-up and argue a strawman based on things that you implied and that were never said. Its also pretty pathetic that you would offer certain advice to a man that you wouldn't offer to a says a lot more about you than me.

Bottom line grow a pair, you capon...and if you want to address me...try to be a it directly and respond to what I actually said instead of your biased-driven assumptions.
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