Inevitable

[Lloyd]

Divorce that is.
It is only a matter of time for us.
We have been trying to work things out for the past 10 years and not only is this impossible I am getting to the point where I simply do not want to try any longer.

I see there are a lot of knowledgeable people around, perhaps you can explain something to me? Why are you not supposed to move out even when your spouse asks you to?

We have a baby and I do not want to be AWOL but there is no other way

We also own a house, and while it is not entirely paid we have some significant equity.

I do not really care about the house, and I am OK with the wife getting custody (and the home) as long as I get to see my baby regularly. So if I do decide to leave, what are the implications?

[dinkyface]

OK, so let's say your ex has full custody (i.e. she is the one who makes medical, education etc. decisions).

Which of the following possible outcomes do you want to happen?

1) You see your baby every 2nd weekend and maybe also a midweek overnight, and pay full child support (i.e. look up the amount in the table corresponding to your income)

2) You each have roughly 50% with your baby, switching every 3 or 4 days (or possibly every 7 days), and pay only the difference between the table amounts for her income vs table amount for your income.

Not surprisingly, some moms are not so happy with option 2.

So the key is to have a written agreement about the visitation schedule BEFORE you leave, and for you to start paying support accordingly as soon as you move out.

If the baby is very young, you might want to alter the schedule for the first year, but again get it in writing that this is only a transition period.

[Mess]

Your life is falling apart right now and this looks like the best solution. In time when you feel better you might have different feelings, but you will have burned your bridges. In a couple of years, each of you may remarry and having custody or shared custody of your child may seem like a wonderful thing, but you will have shut the door to that.

Take a deep breath and make choices that keep your options open instead of locking you into a path you may regret.

As far as getting to see the baby regularly, if she remarries and the baby grows up seeing a step dad as a father every day, those occasional weekend visits you get won't seem like much.