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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce Support

Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 11-05-2014, 11:55 PM
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Congratulations DD. Its awesome when you can just put it behind you and move on with life.
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2014, 10:47 AM
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Thanks,

The original post was in January 2013, so a bit of a zombie.

But I do have another milestone to celebrate. My ex got married so my SS has ended. She informed FRO, so we don't even have to do a motion to change on consent to stop paying. I still have considerable CS to pay, but having SS off is good. My ex, who claimed she couldn't work due to health issues, went to school full time on a government retraining program, and got a full time job.

I'm pretty content, things aren't perfect, but are pretty good considering.
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2014, 11:28 AM
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That's what I am hoping to hear! People move on and things get better for both parties!
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2014, 12:14 PM
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Yes, but are you willing to hear about all of the compromises and sacrifices that people had to make to get to this point?

You seem to be fishing for more validation and reassurance from ancient member threads in the hope of seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, without stopping for a moment to consider what needs to happen in the present.

Your ex isn't just going to give up and magically go away if you wait long enough, and play the victim card in perpetuity.

You're picking one old post from DowntroddenDad and cheerily congratulating him on moving on, as if all he had to do was just give everything time. Read back on all of his previous threads and see the immense hassles that he had to put up with in terms of his ex and organizations like FRO.

You have carpet-bombed over a dozen threads, and started your own, with the hopes of someone coming over to you, patting you on the head, and telling you that everything is going to be okay if you just give everything time, and wait for your big bad ex to calm himself down, and just give you what you want.

Try to have a little respect for the history and challenges that a lot of the members in this forum had to go through in order to get to this point. You are at the start of this journey, and need to spend more time reading up on threads that are closer to your situation, instead of tossing out comments that offer little substance to ancient threads.
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2014, 04:02 PM
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^^^ A bit harsh. Yes, divorced mama has been indulging in carpet-bombing and necroposting, but that could just be part of the learning curve on how forums work. I started way more threads than I really needed to when I first joined the forum (which Tayken remarked on, which set me straight).

As for the approval-seeking - in the first stages of divorce, your head is really not on straight and you may be desperate for some sign that things will work out well, to the point where you're looking for these signs in the wrong places. Eventually, most people realize it's going to be a whole lot of work to get to that desired goal of being over and done with the marriage.

Looking for validation from anonymous monkeys on the internet may not be the best way to deal with that desperation, but it's not a major crime either (unlike, say, soliciting forum members for sex offline or producing racist diatribes - both of which have gotten people in trouble).
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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2014, 04:18 PM
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^^

I'm either being a bit harsh or brutally honest. It's semantics.

There is no harm intended by the post, but I'm certainly hoping that it jolts divorcingmama out of her current state of mind, and allows her to assess her situation more realistically.

Sometimes, a harsh-ish post is the only thing that will do that.
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2014, 04:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Straittohell View Post
^^

I'm either being a bit harsh or brutally honest. It's semantics.

There is no harm intended by the post, but I'm certainly hoping that it jolts divorcingmama out of her current state of mind, and allows her to assess her situation more realistically.

Sometimes, a harsh-ish post is the only thing that will do that.
Sometimes a PM to help explain how the forum works would be a more classy-ish thing to do, especially when it's a new member just starting out in the forum.

People come to this site for straight no-nonsense legal help and hopefully a mesure of compassion. Many newbies coming here have little clue as to what the legal system entails and are understandably overwhelmed - no need to bite their heads off
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2014, 04:58 PM
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You are right, a PM might have been a better idea.
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2014, 08:12 PM
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Strait, you were not out of line [except, of course, unfortunately DTD's now zombie thread has been derailed]. Should we open a separate discussion to review?

And PM's don't help other new posters reading along learn the general ropes of our forum postings, such as: you can expect a 100% view from the other side of the story; soliciting sex via PM's from other members not tolerated [that one still makes my skin crawl]; and rampant necroposting will not be tolerated [linking to an old post works, as I'm going to do right now, below].

This old thread is always a good read, I wonder how many new posters actually read "First time posters, read Me First". Like Stripes, I too had my bubbles burst a few times by old timers when I first started posting here.

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...read-1st-6920/
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2014, 08:58 PM
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Lawd...sorry DD. It struck me after I posted that I had thought you were already done.

What's with all the necro posts? If you're going to do that, please at least put a bump msg so people don't think the thread is new.

Quote:
But I do have another milestone to celebrate. My ex got married so my SS has ended.
Congratulations on this...that's awesome.
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