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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2006, 04:17 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 128
Julie is on a distinguished road

I can't imagine myself with an older man...

Although a lot of people say 'age doesnt matter' the truth is, IT DOES!

However, since you guys are already in marriage, you guys should have couple therapy or some sort of counseling. Don't give up your marriage before trying EVERYTHING.

I really hope he'll be less secure and hope that the fight'll get decreased.
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 03-17-2006, 03:08 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 5
lady_of_the_moon is on a distinguished road
Default I've walked in your shoes....


I understand how you feel. When I was 20, I married a guy who was 34. Even though we got along really well in the beginning, things changed fairly quickly. It wasn't long before I found that I didn't have any friends. His theory was 'it's us against the world'. He didn't want me to have friends. He would be on the edge of freaking out when he would come to my work, and I would be handling a transaction with a male customer. He was even really jealous of my female friends. He didn't trust me (although he could have trusted me with anything), and expected my complete and total unquestioning trust.
When I was 23, he was sent to prision for something horrible he did a year before we met, that I was completely clueless about. I thought that I had lost everything, but thank goodness I had that time to reflect... we're getting divorced now, and he's gotten a lot of counselling to help him.
I remember thinking once about how my cousin was 'so young... she's only 20!' when I was 22.... but I felt way older than that.
I'm 25 now, in a good relationship with a guy who's closet to my age, and happy. I feel 25, which is about 20 years younger than i did before.

Please, don't be afraid to take care of yourself first. You deserve to be happy.
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 04-19-2006, 06:42 PM
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 44
2hopefull is on a distinguished road

Please get out now, especially before children and finances get out of control. Start documenting - I'm learning this the hard way - and make sure there are witnesses - don't lose touch with your friends and family. I'm trying to piece myself together - do check out the ministry of health about abuse and such because it's an eyeopener - you never think it can be you. Forget about keeping it together, he'll promise to change and give you tidbits but it will keep happening in different ways. Please before there are kids involved.
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 08-05-2006, 02:19 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 24
my2suns is on a distinguished road

I"m 31, my husband is 43, we've been together for 10 years now. He's never been "controlling", I think that sometimes, the men that want to wear the pants, purposely seek out younger women. That's just my opinion, surely it'll get bashed, but sometimes, there just are those type of men out in the place we call life. Now, not saying that he IS that type, but I would definately bring it up, or get out. ONe easy way, is start doing more for yourself, by yourself, or with your friends.. and see what he does... cautiously thought, if he's violent this would NOT be a good idea... but you'll know the right thing to do. I'd run... You're too young to waste time being controlled by anyone, this is the best years of your life...make the most of them. (((((hugs)))
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 08-21-2006, 01:52 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 6
drlauren is on a distinguished road

Here is a great website about the faces of an abuser. Look it over and really think about it:
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