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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 11-10-2009, 11:40 AM
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Hello everyone. Just joined because I need some help and/or support.
I've been with my fiancee for 5 years now. We have a beautiful 18 month old baby girl.
On Wednesday of last week, she informed me that she is leaving me. This has come as a shock. I can't believe this is happening. I don't know where to turn. I can't seem to catch my breath. I feel so very alone.
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Old 11-10-2009, 11:58 AM
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Remove emotions and get a lawyer. Listen to your lawyer.
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Old 11-10-2009, 12:00 PM
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Very very hard to remove emotions right now. We agreed that when it come to our daughter she will never ever stop me from seeing her. We don't own the house, so nothing to worry about there. Right now it's jsut the pain of what has come to an end.
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Old 11-10-2009, 12:23 PM
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And I'm really not here looking for legal advise...that can wait...I'm just so hurt, I don't know where to turn to and what to do...
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Old 11-10-2009, 01:12 PM
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I don't mean to sound cold and I do feel for you. My advice is what I wished I had done right away, before I let my emotions cloud me.
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Old 11-10-2009, 01:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hurtinbad View Post
We agreed that when it come to our daughter she will never ever stop me from seeing her.
My ex and I agreed that we would have joint custody right up until she filed for sole custody.

Get everything in writing, and don't take any agreement for granted until you have a court order in hand. TRUST ME.
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Old 11-10-2009, 01:22 PM
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Thanks for the advice. I will definately do that tonight when I get home!
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Old 11-10-2009, 07:35 PM
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One more thing - establish visitation immediately and stick to it. And keep a record of EVERYTHING. Especially any changes to the agreed upon schedule. Once you've established a 'status quo' she will have to prove it's not working to change it. You need to show that you can be just as good a primary caregiver as she is (sad but true). Take your little one to dr's appts, bath her, brush her teeth, read to her, put her to bed - all the normal stuff so you can show you're able to be a good caregiver.

Try to arrange to live close enough to one another that the distance will not be an issue for the court. The court does not like to award shared custody to young children when parents live far apart.

Lastly - don't forget to breathe. Always give yourself some time before acting so you know you aren't RE-acting.

Remember that it won't hurt for ever. Hang in there and take care of yourself and your little one. Good luck.
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Old 11-10-2009, 07:46 PM
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A claim for sole custody could be made on the basis that you two are unable to cooperate and communicate. Unfortunately it is possible that the person claiming sole custody is the one who is making it impossible to cooperate/communicate, and can make all sorts of unfounded claims of abuse, hatred of children - and in my experience the court doesn't really care about the fact that one side is fabricating problems.

So, my advice would be to do what ever you can to establish, show, record that you (both) ARE cooperating and communicating effectively.
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Old 11-11-2009, 03:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hurtinbad View Post
Hello everyone. Just joined because I need some help and/or support.
I've been with my fiancee for 5 years now. We have a beautiful 18 month old baby girl.
On Wednesday of last week, she informed me that she is leaving me. This has come as a shock. I can't believe this is happening. I don't know where to turn. I can't seem to catch my breath. I feel so very alone.
You're not alone - most if not all of us here have been through that fire. We know the pain you speak of all too well.

1) see your doctor to get some medication to settle your emotions such as anti anxiety medication. You need to ease the pain and settle your confusion before proceeding,

2) see a family lawyer asap and get the facts about what happens next.
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