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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 11-22-2009, 12:01 AM
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Default how to prove it is all a lie

After eight years of separation and living in the same home he is now saying that we just separated the day I went to the lawyer 2009.Since nobody ever was in my room during itimacy before then how the hell am I going to prove it hasn't been there for eight years going on nine in Jan. This guy is so full of it it just makes you angry. This is just like saying "I didn't murder this person" and the courts just say ok and let them go. Something so simple has turned into a nightmare. As his lawyer says no judge will agree to a statue of limitation(6 years). If not then what the hell is the law for and of all things why publish it in the FAQ part of the Ontario Published family law book. Need to vent but would love to get some answers too.
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Old 11-22-2009, 07:52 AM
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Why is he making this claim? Is it for some financial advantage?

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Old 11-22-2009, 08:44 AM
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can family or friends verify that you slept in separte rooms and did not do things together like go to family get togethers, weddings, funerals, parties etc?? If you can prove that then you may have a chance.
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Old 11-22-2009, 10:09 AM
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Part of being separated is a kind of archaic but very real and sensible concept of being separated in the eyes of the community.

If no one knows you have decided to separate, then why would you consider yourself separated?

Did you notify Canada Revenue Agency? How have you filed your taxes? As standing on the sidelines says, affidavits from family and friends that you informed them years ago that you were separated, that you were just room mates, would help you.

Your ex may have legitimately not realized that the legal standing had changed at all. He may not have felt or believed that the two of you had changed status. There may be a lot of legitimate misunderstanding here.

Or maybe he's just being an ass, no one knows. The courts won't know. The courts will know what you can actually show them.

The difference is what point can you show that you weren't still jointly sharing debt and assets, I suppose, and what point do you split pensions?

If you are concerned about these financial issues, then realize that you could have asserted this years ago and been done with it and there would have been no confusion. I'm not saying this to criticize you, but to point out that the long delay makes things more confusing for everyone, including the courts, and now you have to jump through hoops to clear up the confusion. If you want a black and white separation, then deal with it when it happens.
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Old 11-23-2009, 12:47 AM
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This is all well and good but when you go to the expert manuals or reference to help then they should be valid not a bunch of crap. This is a case of wooda coulda shoulda. It must be about financial, I have a work pension and touch of money in the bank. If it was going to be any easier years ago then it would have been finished but couldn't afford a lawyer then and he still wouldn't sell the house . Even called the real Estate in then and would not sign papers. So either way with a lawyer or not it seems it will all come down to a court order. Thanks for all your suggestions might help
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Old 12-01-2009, 12:20 AM
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Thanks for your response. I presented this to my lawyer and now he said hold onto it for now and I also presented to him the real estate papers from 2000 when the a-- wouldn't sign them then. offered him the same as before now lets see what happens It may have to go to court just to sell the house. How stupid can one get?
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Old 12-01-2009, 07:22 AM
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Unfortunately, it looks like not being able to afford a lawyer back then may cost you 8 years of additional support and/or equalization. What was more expensive?

If you held yourselves out socially as a couple, you are probably screwed. If you can demonstrate that you didn't do that you might have a chance.

Last edited by dadtotheend; 12-01-2009 at 07:39 AM.
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Old 12-01-2009, 11:53 AM
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Thanks dadtothend: When there is no money and as adults you cant resolve a problem then that is where the funds come in. I have not depended on anyone to take care of my responsibilties so I will never know the cost difference. It is just very unfortunate and stupid to involve the courts when the house needs to be sold.
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Old 12-01-2009, 12:32 PM
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My take on this is that it relates to your pension and if anything like mine, the payout was worth more that what I had invested in the house. The date of separation is the key date for pension valuation. He is entitled to half of the valuation of your pension from the date of marriage to the date of separation. That is the law. Those eight years are potentially worth a small fortune. If he is pushing this and is successful, there will need to be a pension actuarial assessment of the pension (from date of marriage to formal separation) to determine its worth (this is often a confusing endeavour). This figure gets included in your financial statement as your asset, which will often be a signficantly large number. You will have the option on how you wish to equalize if there is an imbalance, payout via pension transfer, payout via equity in the home, or other assets transfered to the person in order to equalize these assets accumulated "during the marriage". ie. to the date of formal separation.

How you filed your tax returns over the last several years may be key in the eyes of the courts. Hopefully you filed as separated. My advice is get this pension valued by a certified actuary. May cost you $500 to get it done but you will then know exactly what this is worth to you in terms of how hard you fight him on it.

Finally, if he has his own pension, then the reverse is fair play and may offset this, but something tells me this is not the case.

Good luck.
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Old 12-01-2009, 04:23 PM
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We have had the accountant do all the personal taxes for years and when I asked her
about it she said it didn,t matter. Well by the sounds of it again I trusted someone that maybe I should not have. There is no pension for him as he is self employed and has/had nothing as he states. The whole problem is no agreement to the separation date. If we could legally decide on this then we would be well on our way. Is lying really what pays?
Quote:
Originally Posted by HatesCheaters View Post
My take on this is that it relates to your pension and if anything like mine, the payout was worth more that what I had invested in the house. The date of separation is the key date for pension valuation. He is entitled to half of the valuation of your pension from the date of marriage to the date of separation. That is the law. Those eight years are potentially worth a small fortune. If he is pushing this and is successful, there will need to be a pension actuarial assessment of the pension (from date of marriage to formal separation) to determine its worth (this is often a confusing endeavour). This figure gets included in your financial statement as your asset, which will often be a signficantly large number. You will have the option on how you wish to equalize if there is an imbalance, payout via pension transfer, payout via equity in the home, or other assets transfered to the person in order to equalize these assets accumulated "during the marriage". ie. to the date of formal separation.

How you filed your tax returns over the last several years may be key in the eyes of the courts. Hopefully you filed as separated. My advice is get this pension valued by a certified actuary. May cost you $500 to get it done but you will then know exactly what this is worth to you in terms of how hard you fight him on it.

Finally, if he has his own pension, then the reverse is fair play and may offset this, but something tells me this is not the case.

Good luck.
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