How do you go on....

[tugofwar]

Im having a hard time coping with all this. Financially Im getting myself in a mess and having a hard time supporting myself and my child.
What can I do to get myself out of this rut? I need to get out, get some new friends but just don't know where to start. Most friends are married, have kids and busy with their own lives. Family, some I have distanced myself from cause they just don't understand or are at least not willing to help. Just keep telling me to get over it. Nice advice. Doesn't really help.
How do you go on with your life, especially if you felt your whole marriage was a lie? How can I get over the fact that our child coming to this world was our final straw in causing our marriage breakdown? How do you get over the fact that you have done everything to ensure your child is taken care of when the other parent is going and living life as if he was 20 again with no responsibilities especially when it comes down to the child.
He's not willing to give up his weekends especially Friday and Saturday nights. Im at my wits end.
Any words of advice or comments would be greatly appreciated right now

[LostFather]

Originally Posted by tugofwar

Im having a hard time coping with all this. Financially Im getting myself in a mess and having a hard time supporting myself and my child.
What can I do to get myself out of this rut? I need to get out, get some new friends but just don't know where to start. Most friends are married, have kids and busy with their own lives. Family, some I have distanced myself from cause they just don't understand or are at least not willing to help. Just keep telling me to get over it. Nice advice. Doesn't really help.
How do you go on with your life, especially if you felt your whole marriage was a lie? How can I get over the fact that our child coming to this world was our final straw in causing our marriage breakdown? How do you get over the fact that you have done everything to ensure your child is taken care of when the other parent is going and living life as if he was 20 again with no responsibilities especially when it comes down to the child.
He's not willing to give up his weekends especially Friday and Saturday nights. Im at my wits end.
Any words of advice or comments would be greatly appreciated right
now

Tug, I'm sure if my advice will help, but you've written some of your answers, get over it, sooner the better, you're not helping your children worrying about your past marriage as a 'lie', or his 20 something attitude. I've read a few of your poss and there seems to be a common theme, you are not over him!And that can be dangerous. Worry about yourself and what you are doing to better yourself, your child and move on.

You need to find something to do with yourself....go camping! Whether it's alone or with your children, it's not expensive and is quite therapeutic. You have your child, lots of people do not or are fighting to see them. Don't ruin your life on what he is doing with his time, it'll drive you nuts.

Have some fun, whatever makes you happy, or even if you don't think it will, give it a try, you maybe surprised. Get some camping gear, Canadian Tire has lots of specials on, you don't need much. Tent, sleeping bags, cooler, air mattress, food, refreshments, and bug spray. Camp sites are plenty and about $25.00 a night. Go have fun Tug.

[CSAngel]

You need to get out. What city are you in Tug?

[CSAngel]

My suggestion is do something 'crazy'. I HATED volleyball growing up but we have a beach volleyball tournament at work every year and I forced myself to play as a way to get to know my new co-workers better. I had a blast. So this year I signed up for a rec league and forced myself to go. It wasn't easy - I'm pretty shy. But I'm having a fantastic time, I'm meeting new people, and I have something that I look forward to every week.

Oh, if you join a sport tho, make sure it's co-ed.

[Deputy Daddy]

See if there is a chapter of "Parents Without Partners" in your area. It's been great for me and my kids and I have met some of our best friends through that. I plan my weekends with the kids around what PWP is doing first.

[CSAngel]

That's fantastic! How the heck do we get one in Ottawa??

[tugofwar]

Originally Posted by LostFather

get over it, sooner the better, you're not helping your children worrying about your past marriage as a 'lie', or his 20 something attitude. I've read a few of your poss and there seems to be a common theme, you are not over him!And that can be dangerous. Worry about yourself and what you are doing to better yourself, your child and move on.

Thank you but not the answer/comment I was looking for.... next

[dinkyface]

Sounds like most of all you are looking for some support (as opposed to action advice) - someone to acknowlege that you are doing a good job, to acknowledge the tough, unfair spot you are in, and to offer some encouragement for the future. Can you find some (non-internet) people who have been through the family-law wringer, maybe other parents at school/daycare are in similar situations?

A more flip suggestion, but the daily motivational emails from www.theDailyGuru.com can be occasionally though-provoking.

[tugofwar]

Hey, Im only human, I have my relapses once in awhile and find posting sometimes what I feel helps.... sorry Im not looking for someone to pat me on the back and say your doing a great job. I don't need that. I haven't been able to meet too many people going thru this. Most friends and family are happily married with no problems so they don't help much. Sorry, where Im from there isn't much as support groups....
So, if there are others out there that want to chat or email me with their experiences and feelings etc that are not really acceptable to some on these forums or seem somewhat support groupish - send me a pm.

[LostFather]

Originally Posted by tugofwar

Thank you but not the answer/comment I was looking for.... next

Tug, the simple stuff seldom is, we all want and get are sometimes not easy to get, the the answers usually are, we just need to to accept them. Sorry my suggestions aren't what you're looking for. Good luck.