Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce Support

Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 04-16-2011, 08:42 PM
tugofwar's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: mostly in my own little world
Posts: 1,384
tugofwar is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddol1 View Post
I am not alone and I am a good person and she will never be able to take that away from me - EVER!
Keep saying this to yourself, it will get better. Time does heal. We have all been there, and some quicker than others have been able to find the strength to move on. A strong support system is always beneficial. Good thing you are openly talking to your doctor, that's a step in the right direction.
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 04-16-2011, 08:52 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: London Area
Posts: 19
Grauwulf is on a distinguished road
Default

I don't even remember the first little while after I moved out anymore. So much stuff has gone on since then and at the time I was only home 2 days a week, if that sometimes. It may have only been a short marriage, but we were together about 7 years. It's pretty depressing going from having a home and a family to living in a basement with next to nothing of my own. I am *very* much looking forward to having my own place again.
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 04-17-2011, 02:02 PM
tugofwar's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: mostly in my own little world
Posts: 1,384
tugofwar is on a distinguished road
Default

Then make having your own place an incentive and a goal.
I don't have much either, but I do have a wonderful toddler that means the world to me. She is my life, the reason I get up in the morning.
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 04-17-2011, 02:11 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: London Area
Posts: 19
Grauwulf is on a distinguished road
Default

I have my son who will be 2 at the beginning of June.
I cherish every minute of the time I get to spend with him, even when he's sick and cranky like he is right now. *lol*
As far as getting my own place, I have to get everything settled before it's even an option. I know the neighbor two doors down from where I'm at now will be selling his house in the summer and I'd love to buy it since then my brother can keep an eye on the house when I'm away at work.
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 04-17-2011, 02:16 PM
tugofwar's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: mostly in my own little world
Posts: 1,384
tugofwar is on a distinguished road
Default

I still get caught up in the emotional abuse that I suffered. But thinking back and looking at myself now, glad I don't have to deal with that anymore ( or at least not everyday ....) I deserve better and if I stayed I would have never found that same happy person I was years ago and my toddler would maybe have been more affected by it too...
It gets better, some days better than others and with every relapse, makes you stronger.

Last edited by tugofwar; 04-17-2011 at 02:43 PM.
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 04-17-2011, 02:39 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: London Area
Posts: 19
Grauwulf is on a distinguished road
Default

Very true. And if there is one thing the majority of my family and friends can agree on is the fact that it's better I found this stuff out now instead of 5 or 10 or whatever number of years down the road. It would have been way worse for the kids (and we probably would have had at least one more by then), way worse for me mentally and a disaster financially. Working the job I do, my ex would have been *miserable* to deal with because I am away a lot. I turned down a similar job with a different company just before we got married because of that. :|

Last edited by Grauwulf; 04-17-2011 at 02:41 PM. Reason: edited for puncuation
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 04-17-2011, 04:50 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Dorking
Posts: 347
KeepSmiling is on a distinguished road
Default

There are always positives that you can find, even if they are small, few, and far between.

Never turn an offer for coffee, company, and outing, anything like that.

And try not to make your difficulties the centre of every conversation you have with friends and family. Even lie if you have to when they ask "how are you doing" - say "good today, thanks" maybe tomorrow you will say that and be telling the truth.
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 04-17-2011, 06:16 PM
Epona's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Brampton
Posts: 422
Epona is on a distinguished road
Default

"I'd be so much happier if my ex would just admit what she did was wrong. I don't expect an apology, nor do I want one anymore, but there's virtually no chance of that ever happening."
Then let it go. Perform some private, hooky ceremony that represents that chapter of your life is closed. Close that chapter, turn the page and move forward. She isn't going to apologize -- forgive her the rotten things she did (in your mind) and move through it.
As for sleeping -- try meditation, a glass of warm milk, avoid watching the news (or other mind-stimulating programs), don't lie in bed if you are unable to sleep (keep bed for sleeping and um... other intimate activities when you "get around" to it). It isn't easy to turn off your mind to sleep, but you can teach yourself to do that.
IT will be an emotional roller coaster ride for a while yet. Take care of yourself. Good Luck.
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 04-17-2011, 07:07 PM
karmaseeker's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Here :)
Posts: 470
karmaseeker is on a distinguished road
Default

Practice the art of self care. Treat yourself like you would your best friend! Be Gentle with yourself and understand that it'll take time and it is ok to get any number of emotions bubbling up.

Journal, talk to someone, learn to meditate, take a class, get active, eat well, sleep well, go for walks and get fresh air, get an affirmation cd, read an inspirational book, paint, practice kindness, smile at strangers, take up kick boxing, take a cooking class, volunteer, listen to music, and find reasons to be grateful.

You aren't alone and you are worth it.
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 04-17-2011, 10:17 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: London Area
Posts: 19
Grauwulf is on a distinguished road
Default

Epona> I pretty much have let it go, I've had to for my own mental well-being and to improve my time with my son. He really is my number one concern, before anything else. I *know* getting anything of that nature from my ex is a pipe dream. As for bed, as an on and off insomniac over the years, I make sure that I'm not in bed if I'm not trying to sleep.

One thing I have been trying to do is eat a little better, which is a real battle when you live in hotels more than 50% of the time. But I'm finding ways to do it. Volunteering is actually something that crossed my mind yesterday as a possible release, but right now I'm just trying to get some quiet time when I'm not at work to try and recharge my batteries. I'm just emotionally wrung out right now. And peace and quiet is a commodity that is in short supply in my world right now.

I really appreciate everyone's input and suggestions!
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:01 PM.