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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 04-15-2011, 08:40 PM
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Default How do you combat the hopelessness?

How do you deal with the hopelessness and hurt that follows discovering that someone who supposedly 'loves' you has betrayed that love and trust?

Even after being separated for just over a year, and trying to put it behind me, some days I still feel overwhelmed, depressed, angry and totally lost. My relationship was built on lies and emotional manipulation, and my ex claims that she did it for love. I don't care what you do to rationalize manipulating and lying to someone to get them to be with you, it's still wrong. Still hurts like hell.
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Old 04-15-2011, 09:07 PM
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Make a point of going out.
Take up a new Hobby.
Meet new people.
Eat well, drink water, and get rest.

The thing that helped me the most, start exercising.
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Old 04-15-2011, 09:29 PM
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It's tough, I work away from home 16+ days out of the month. Hobbies aren't really too much of an option at the moment.
Sleep only comes with chemical help, and even *that* isn't working so hot.
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Old 04-15-2011, 09:42 PM
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You need to figure out a way to get some sleep with out the chemical help, you don't want to become dependent on it. Do something to tire you out, read before bed, or go for a walk.

I need a hobby too, but can't really get interested in anything and I don't go out at all and I know I should, but it'll come one day. You just need to find something you enjoy to take your mind off things.
Easier said than done I know, but it is possible.

You will heal in time. I've been separated for over 2yrs and I'm still angry about things sometimes, but we can't change the past.
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Old 04-15-2011, 10:38 PM
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Thankfully the stuff I'm using is non-narcotic and non addictive, the only dependency is a mental one. I have hobbies, but because of work and my living arrangements I can't pursue them. My divorce will be official in a couple more weeks unless a monkey wrench gets thrown in to things. There is just the fight over spousal support left to deal with, but that's what I'm paying the lawyer for.

I've never been good at meeting new people, and the bar scene does *nothing* for me.

I'd be so much happier if my ex would just admit what she did was wrong. I don't expect an apology, nor do I want one anymore, but there's virtually no chance of that ever happening.
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Old 04-16-2011, 10:34 AM
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It's not about meeting new people in a relationship way. That will come/sort itself out in time.

The exercising and the building of you is the key.

Join a bowling/baseball whatever league. Give yourself an outlet/distraction.
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Old 04-16-2011, 12:20 PM
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I get sucked down into the mire too, and I just have to accept that it will happen less and less frequently with time, and hopefully less when the divorce paperwork is all done. I try to remind myself that it's nothing wrong with me, but all about my ex being a poor excuse for a human being. And those types never admit they are wrong to anybody; first they would have to admit they are wrong to themselves, and that just doesn't happen.

New hobbies are good, don't just stick to the old ones. Find something unusual, something your ex would never have imagined you doing. You don't have to leave the house and meet people for hobbies. Take an online correspondence course. Teach yourself to cook better. Take up gardening. Exercise is good for helping you sleep.
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Old 04-16-2011, 04:14 PM
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I'm not even thinking meeting people in a relationship sense, that's really the last thing on my mind. I was thinking just meeting people in general. I've never been good at it.
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Old 04-16-2011, 04:34 PM
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Then turn it around and make it a quest to be better at going out there and meeting people. There are different ways about doing it, just have to find a few of them and start there.
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Old 04-16-2011, 05:55 PM
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I am well just made it through the first two weeks and i can admit to all here that it has been - sorry is the most emotional draining experience that seems to have no end in site. My doctor has been my best friend throught this and even though he is our family GP he told me on Thursday that he believed that my wife was draining the life out of me and even though I tried for five years for her to get the outside help she denied it all. My doctor looked at me and just said that this is the best thing that could have happened to me.

Now i have a chance at focusing on ME. Now she is empty of emotion and well I am the one falling apart. Never mind the kids - at least they are older. I know because of my disabilities i take everything to heart and because of the turmoil my body is going through it seems like - no I feel like I do not have a chance in heck to get out there and get through this. I always looked at us as partners no matter what and out of the blue - I want a divorce!! Now i feel that the power I got from knowing she would always be there got me up in th morning no matter how much it hurt and now it really feels like I have lost the will to even get up in the morning let alone get out there and meet someone new and different. I really feel my spark to keep going has been shorted out. I hope to find this and more from this site - I am not alone and I am a good person and she will never be able to take that away from me - EVER!
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