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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 10-02-2014, 11:43 AM
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Default The high road gets bumpy

Life after OCL disclosure has not been easy.

I have not texted, called or bothered the OP. I've went to court and took everybody's advice here .. "Il always respect mother" .. "she was a good mother" .. really nothing bad to say besides all of her unilateral decision making since separation.

I've done my 3 hours/week, some weeks 1 hour. I maintained my patience, asked for mediation and would just like to communicate positively for D3. Ourfamilywizard has been turned down, communication books have ben turned down .. you name it.

OCL is now involved. At first I thought it was a good thing. Great .. a report to assist in showing what ex is doing. Nope.

D3 walked by bathroom and said "that's where daddy gives me baths". That prompted a full investigation and call to CAS. After a thorough investigation from CAS and police it was concluded that nothing happened. In fact that they found OCL's questions leading.

OCL maintains her position. Now offering an interim report pending the final one stipulating a bribe of sorts: Go get sexual counseling for boundaries with children or ex gets sole. Oh yea .. anger management too.

Even after admitting to us that ex was heard arguing in tapes as well .. OCL's recommendation to her was that she continue victim counselling.

So here I am. Motion late Oct .. final report due mid Oct. I have 30 days to dispute report.

I didn't see D3 for the first 4 months that they left. Now OCL has stopped access due to this bath issue and ex continues on with her status quo. I haven't seen D3 in 2 months since my weekly 3 hour visits.

OCL spoke with about 6 of ex's collaterals and for me .. only supervisor (who OCL trashed) and my mom .. who indicated that both families had something to offer .. that shared custody would be a good idea .. etc (High road).

Ex's collaterals .. pages upon pages of nonsense. Stuff that didn't make sense.

Yet OCL still said my mother wasn't being transparent about my "bathing habits? huh? And that it was my mother who would minimize ex's role as a mother in D3's life.

I have a clean record, clean drug tests, work with children and special needs adults daily and am a damn good father.

I tell you .. the high road gets bumpy.
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Old 10-02-2014, 11:48 AM
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CONTINUATION OF OLD THREAD:

Mr T. Says:

Ignoring the old goat in the below post (she's to stupid) it would appear "the caretaker" is having a lot more input than one would think....for an ex that made only 3 out of 4 victim sessions.

The new caretaker and exs mom claim d3 is comforting mom...asking if shes sad..coddling her. This WILL be in the report.

It has to be staged. This is the OCL putting words into peoples mouths so it appears EX is depressed.

OCL did the same thing to LF32 by working him backwards until she pretty much told him his parents argued and it affected him...LMAO

The terrible part is the OCL douchebag involving a child "as a tool".

OCL is also recommending D3 to go to counseling for hearing parents fight.

OCL isn't backing off, isn't trying to resolve, isn't trying to settle for the child.

Nope OCL thinks it's better to "inflamme" (it does work)

A child in counselling at 3 yrs. old? over the effects of Goldilock's depression...which LF32 is responsible for

A child in counselling over the parents fights...which LF32 is responsible for

The child only witness'd LF32 fighting???...never Goldilocks because she was purposely off camera or out of the room...STAGED

This is were it has to be questioned...where the heck is OCL getting her conclusions from? All spycam recorded stuff.

Still no disclosure, but the OCL douchebag and LAO scumbag lawyer are making fantastic use of GARBAGE to involve a child...those two should be JAIL.
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Old 10-02-2014, 11:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
This is were it has to be questioned...where the heck is OCL getting her conclusions from? All spycam recorded stuff.

Still no disclosure, but the OCL douchebag and LAO scumbag lawyer are making fantastic use of GARBAGE to involve a child...those two should be
In disclosure meeting said "Im sure you can understand Ms.__ this is entirely unfair. These recordings could be edited, have gaps, etc. You did say Ms.LF32 was heard arguing in them too right"? OCL: YES

Yet you're correct Mr. T. Its all about me. Not the BOTH of us.

OCL had the nerve to say "Hmm .. Im sure you'll probably get access to the transcripts some time". What . after the whole world' becomes biased and writes reports over ex's personal art and crafts project?

Last edited by LovingFather32; 10-02-2014 at 11:55 AM.
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Old 10-02-2014, 02:29 PM
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who sung that song...'I'm caught in a trap..la la dee dah".

When an OP party builds a case from "nothing", they use "slight of hand" many times and sadly lose focus of past facts.

Goldilocks goes to caretaker Aug/Sept 2013----gone------ then back Feb 2014

The only item during that time was "the victim" and her fabricated issues.

March-July......no mention of D3 issues

August to current...OCL "magic tricks", all of a sudden out of no where comes emotional issues

It's clear OCL is going to cover for her sister's acknowledged depression (to caretaker). Tying it in with D3's empathy is pretty SICK. But OCL has to keep things child focused

Where was caretakers concerns on D3 or Goldilocks depression voiced (through threats) by LAO scumbag lawyer? Not one letter from lawyer saying his client was suffering depression and D3 was consoling a sad (depressed) grownup

How many times did caretaker even see D3? Ex was droppin D3 off at Grannies and doing everything behind LF32's back.

Caretaker seems too only voice her concern's when OCL is around (a year? later)

Going to need "caretakers notes"

Don't forget D3 was D2 not long ago......OP is pretending childs older than she was .....back then

Last edited by MrToronto; 10-02-2014 at 02:40 PM.
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Old 10-02-2014, 02:47 PM
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Caretaker's just the babysitter. Younger than ex and a student partyer (should see the pics I have). She's the one living in Lennoxville, QC .. (OCL said ex lives in close proximity to her).

Regarding the victims counsellor .. I have no idea what's transpired at these events. All I know is ex didn't feel like attending all of them.

LAO lawyer never mentioned any kind of depression or counselling. It went from drugs to alcohol to shouting obscenities. Now OCL has taken the reigns for him (ex is emotionally hurt, intimidated, sad, worried LF32 will emotionally harm D3 and should be supervised .... oh wait ... LF32 is a pedo too. Just wanted to throw that in there.)

None of these were substantial issues until OCL became involved.

Now they say I have no issue with substance abuse, it just contributes to my abusive ways.

However ex's mom says this "Mr ___ drinks regularly. When he drinks he becomes talkative and promised my son to go camping and never took him".

(so number 1 .. I did take him camping and have the pics to prove it).

Number 2. --> Wouldn't ex's mom have been better to go with her daughters story that I am a mean and aggressive drinker? Not friendly and talkative?

Either way .. What are everybody's thoughts on this motion? Will the judge use "caution" again because of this OCL business? Or will the judge see through this mess of a smokescreen?

Last edited by LovingFather32; 10-02-2014 at 02:51 PM.
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Old 10-02-2014, 03:11 PM
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I would go in with a recommended plan:

Graduated Access in an accelerated manner - so order that LF32's mother is a suitable supervisor. D3 will be in her care while visiting father.

First three visits are 2 hours - 5 hours and then 8 hours.

Next three visits are over night (supervised) - then two weekends (supervised).

Then the access graduates to unsupervised every other weekend for two months.

This way D3 gets eased into access with the Dad. If the ex or OCL or LOA lawyer really think there is something inappropriate is going on it will be incumbent upon them to file a motion to change the access order.

If D3 is having baths that are "concerning" - then great call CAS, file an emergency motion if you dare but this train is rolling back towards 50/50 access.

I doubt the judge agrees to 50/50 on an interm basis but he has to rebalance the situation.
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Old 10-02-2014, 03:19 PM
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Thank goodness OCL is making all these diagnoses LF32 maybe you should try to help with letter to LAO scumbag lawyer

...I was trying to resolve this without bringing up....goldilocks history of depression since birth of child (possible post partum) considering Ms. OCL mentioned it is effecting D3...It very important Goldilocks takes her medicine. Regards

Why write this...becaue OCL meeting or report is going to be used at a Motion by OP (you have CAS also).

The Motion by the look of it, right now...is all OCL based...LAO scumbag lawyer has disappeared. (possible adjourment for motion if he fires himself)

If the OCL wants to bring up "depression issues that apparently happened.. right now....then right now you better set it straight....for a Motion...to be included in a brief

Not after the Motion and not during the Motion when the Judge is reading stuff and asking very few questions.

Off course LF32's objections to the OCL findings and the report could be addressed directly within a complaint letter to OCL office.

Does a) can a OCL report get attached to brief if a complaint is made...or B) nothing can be attached to brief if there is a compliant.....C) OCL never made a Report to begin with.

A clinician does an investigation, has a 4-way parties disclosure meeting and makes recomendations to settle and files Report for Court.

So debate ....Why is OCL saying no wrtten report...for parties? or Court..

Why isn't LF32 lawyer clarifying if a Report will be made for Court with OCL?

No Report means the dynamic changes for the Motion.

Try to have your 'lawyer" clear up the confusion purposely caused by OCL....no report means ...what?....or...letters to LAO scumbag lawyer

Your lawyers shouldn't be "sitting around" waiting till the 9th.....that's why the OP sucker punch's hurt so much......you seen it coming...lmao.

Go for interim sole...then interim joint...then....and then...

Last edited by MrToronto; 10-02-2014 at 03:22 PM.
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Old 10-02-2014, 04:32 PM
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When we get the report .. then we have that 30 days to rebut (complain).

That's what we'll attach to the brief.

However .. this is how I see it going down. Report not done yet. If it's not done yet all we have for court is an e-mail from OCL saying it was supposed to be done by the 9th. We wont have a complaint letter (because no report yet). But we will have the CAS report discrediting OCL (hopefully its ready by then).

I sent my lawyer an e-mail trying to clarify some of this stuff. I don't even know what happened with ex's disclosure meeting. Has she spoken with ex's lawyer regarding the meeting/access, etc? Has she spoken with OCL since?

The letter about depression? Not a bad idea since it seems to be affecting D3 and it also seems to be an offense for her now (LF32 caused it). They must of known it was going to come up and are prepared.

I don't want to bring up the depression until we know exactly how to word it so that its not an attack nor a low blow of any kind.

Damn .. why does ex get 2 free lawyers? Is one not enough?

Last edited by LovingFather32; 10-02-2014 at 04:40 PM.
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Old 10-02-2014, 04:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Life after OCL disclosure has not been easy.


D3 walked by bathroom and said "that's where daddy gives me baths". That prompted a full investigation and call to CAS. After a thorough investigation from CAS and police it was concluded that nothing happened. In fact that they found OCL's questions leading.

OCL maintains her position. Now offering an interim report pending the final one stipulating a bribe of sorts: Go get sexual counseling for boundaries with children or ex gets sole. Oh yea .. anger management too.

Even after admitting to us that ex was heard arguing in tapes as well .. OCL's recommendation to her was that she continue victim counselling.

So here I am. Motion late Oct .. final report due mid Oct. I have 30 days to dispute report.

I didn't see D3 for the first 4 months that they left. Now OCL has stopped access due to this bath issue and ex continues on with her status quo. I haven't seen D3 in 2 months since my weekly 3 hour visits.

OCL spoke with about 6 of ex's collaterals and for me .. only supervisor (who OCL trashed) and my mom .. who indicated that both families had something to offer .. that shared custody would be a good idea .. etc (High road).

.

Wow, that's all I can say is Wow. What has happened to this world??? I cannot imagine what you are going through.

I hope you have support. Family, friends anyone to help you get through this.

What if the roles were completely reversed and the father took off with the kids. What would happen??
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Old 10-02-2014, 04:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Itsworthit View Post
Wow, that's all I can say is Wow. What has happened to this world??? I cannot imagine what you are going through.

I hope you have support. Family, friends anyone to help you get through this.

What if the roles were completely reversed and the father took off with the kids. What would happen??
I'm going through tough times my friend. All I think about is D3. I try to be tough but Im not always good at it. I'm just constantly attacked with false allegations monthly. I hold my head up high and don't fire back.

My friends are sick of hearing about it. My family .. hanging by a limb emotionally themselves (they were very close with D3). I do speak with my EAP. This forum has helped me. Sometimes it feels like she's gone forever. Like she passed away.

What my ex has done is absolutely horrendous.

Ive learned to channel my stresses from this to motivation to get D3 back. But I have tough days .. like today for instance. She's all I thought about all day.

We all know what would have happened if the father took the child. Let's be realistic.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 10-02-2014 at 05:01 PM.
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