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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 02-02-2015, 05:57 PM
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Default Help me stay grounded

How do others manage to deal with their emotions ? I'm trying not to be overcome by sheer terror and panic. I feel as if I'm drowning. I only get 1-2 weeks reprieve before the nonsense starts again. Emails or court or 14B motions. It never ever ends. I'm broke and god bless him, my lawyer is bending
over backwards to help me. I can not afford this. If this continue ( and it will) I will have to go to the food bank to feed the kids. My question is: how do others keep the terror and panic at bay? I don't smoke, drink or do drugs. I need to keep myself grounded for the sake of the kids ( my ex has strict supervision and refuses to see them).
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Old 02-02-2015, 05:59 PM
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http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...aration-18424/
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Old 02-02-2015, 06:16 PM
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Thanks. That's helpful. The thought stopping technique sounds useful. Hope it works. I don't like feeling this way and I don't want my fears to spill over onto the kids. I have to be strong for them.
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Old 02-02-2015, 08:37 PM
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I know what you mean. Funds get tight and emotions run high. I feel like I'm through the worst of it. I was knocked on my a$$ pretty hard. Just have to get back up, brush the dust off and soldier on.

It sucks being forced in to a corner of needless litigation over mostly money and power. Find time to smile, laugh and be with friends. Exercise and get fresh air. Mind you some days I try everything and I am still not that great.
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Old 02-02-2015, 08:49 PM
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-Get rid of your lawyer, everything you complained is financial pretty much.

Personally, total apathy is the best solution and having very low standards.
-Low standards for family court
-Low standards for my ex-spouse
-Low standards for the future
etc....


I just don't care and if I have to go to the food bank to eat so be it and if i get thrown in jail so be it etc....

Once you just relax and stop caring (but still deal with business properly) everything is water under the bridge.
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Old 02-02-2015, 09:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stillbreathing View Post
How do others manage to deal with their emotions ? I'm trying not to be overcome by sheer terror and panic. I feel as if I'm drowning. I only get 1-2 weeks reprieve before the nonsense starts again. Emails or court or 14B motions. It never ever ends. I'm broke and god bless him, my lawyer is bending
over backwards to help me. I can not afford this. If this continue ( and it will) I will have to go to the food bank to feed the kids. My question is: how do others keep the terror and panic at bay? I don't smoke, drink or do drugs. I need to keep myself grounded for the sake of the kids ( my ex has strict supervision and refuses to see them).
Divorce has to be one of the most soul-crushing experiences a person can go through - and that's when it's an amicable divorce. For most of us the terror and panic you speak of is all part of the process. Until it's all settled (may take years) you have to do your best to deal with each problem as it comes along.

Financially nobody wins and lawyers will drag it out for as long as it is $$$ in their best interests. Know this ... use your lawyer's time wisely. Cut back your budget to the bare bones to save where you can. Look for extra work income or take in a lodger to help out with costs. Whatever helps. Shop in bulk to save on groceries - go to goodwill for clothes ....

Get some help with the kidlets, grandma or trusted friend to give you a break now and then. Meditate, breathe slowly when you feel the panic coming on and mostly take good care of yourself so you can face the challenges of solo parenting. Others have managed to get by and you will too - one day at a time.

All the best to you
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Old 02-02-2015, 09:37 PM
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You're so right Links17. Things may not be as bad as they feel. It's the relentless pressure cooker that's making me panic. I can't see any hope of it ever ending or of me being allowed to get back on my feet.

Just like you said , when you develop an attitude of apathy, it calms you down . I did that in November and it really helped. I need to do it again. It's so easy to get I
Into a victim mode of thinking. Your advice is helpful too.
Thank you
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Old 02-02-2015, 09:43 PM
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Thanks Janibel. I have never experienced anything like this in my life. My lawyer keeps telling me not to lose sight of the most important thing which is that my ex still has strict supervised access ( which he is not exercising) and my kids are safe. I may let my lawyer go and deal with all the nonsense emails and crap on my own then retain him again for important court dates ( his suggestion to save me money).

Last edited by Stillbreathing; 02-02-2015 at 09:46 PM. Reason: Put a $ instead of a )
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Old 02-03-2015, 12:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stillbreathing View Post
Thanks Janibel. I have never experienced anything like this in my life. My lawyer keeps telling me not to lose sight of the most important thing which is that my ex still has strict supervised access ( which he is not exercising) and my kids are safe. I may let my lawyer go and deal with all the nonsense emails and crap on my own then retain him again for important court dates ( his suggestion to save me money).
Sounds to me like you have a very decent lawyer working for you. The emails you can ignore, there's no law stating that you have to deal with this garbage. Links' suggestion to just take the high road makes sense.

Why make yourself sick over things that you have no control over? You children are safe - that's the main thing. You have the right idea by retaining your lawyer strictly for court appearances.
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Old 02-03-2015, 01:16 PM
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I'm a newbie to the Forum. What brought me here was a need for information. I had no clue of how the system operated. So I saw a lawyer for advice, turned to family for support and started reaching out for information/support.

Through reaching out to others I came across this Forum. One of the first posts I read was one by LovingFather32. (See the link in his message found above.) His suggestions have been useful to me.

The keys for me to stay grounded have been:
- be kind to myself, and
- don't get angry.

Good luck.
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