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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 04-29-2015, 11:19 PM
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Hang in there Brother.

One day, when this is all over, everything else in life will feel easier.

Time will heal the worst of it.

Good luck, you can do it.
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Old 05-01-2015, 01:48 PM
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FF88: I hope that the weekend ahead will provide an opportunity for you to recharge your batteries.
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 05-01-2015, 11:48 PM
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Hmm. Not sure what to make of this, but after three days of my cross-examining The Applicant, she broke down on the stand, and I offered to negotiate a settlement to "spare her further trauma". The judge seemed to think that was a good idea.

So, after about six hours of negotiating late into the evening, The Applicant is taking the weekend to consider the deal.

Now to wait and see I guess.
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Old 05-02-2015, 07:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FormerFather88 View Post

So, after about six hours of negotiating late into the evening, The Applicant is taking the weekend to consider the deal.

Now to wait and see I guess.
Looks like things are improving FF88, after six hours of negotiating one would think that the two of you should be able to agree on the foundation of your settlement?

Try to be flexible without giving up on your "bottom line". A good/fair deal would mean that neither of you get everything that they want ... don't get stuck on the details - some issues just aren't worth the expense of another week of trial.

Let us know how it goes.
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 05-04-2015, 11:35 PM
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No word from The Applicant re the possible settlement. My letter to opposing counsel requesting disclosure of her position has been ignored.

I guess my cross-examination of her continues next week, with a third as-yet-to-be-scheduled week of trial to follow thereafter.

It seems her delusionality extends to believing she'll get a costs award to cover her legal fees for a three-week-trial, and that I'll actually be able to pay such an award despite already being bankrupt and living hand-to-mouth.
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Old 05-05-2015, 12:17 AM
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Yes well her lawyer probably has his eye on some sort of security. One can go bankrupt and maintain a certain amount of equity in a house.... Lawyers don't work for free and most would run away if they thought for one minute they wouldn't get paid (either you, your ex or both of you have employment).

Today is only Monday. Sometimes lawyers need a few days to meet with their clients and respond to settlement offers.

Hope you hear something soon. The waiting is excruciatingly stressful. Good luck.
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 05-05-2015, 09:52 PM
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She's already had the court order the house be sold out from under the kids and I, after I paid down the mortgage for two years. The net proceeds are pitiful, so, no house equity. She has secure, unionized, and very high paying employment as a teacher. I've had to take what I could get for jobs after following her to a market with little demand for my skills.

I think opposing counsel realizes that the only real hope for his fees getting paid is through her employment, since a costs award against me won't be fruitful, especially since it such will be accompanied by unpayable child support as well.

I've gotten a written reply from this lawyer, saying his client is undecided about settling and offering to sever the equalization and do an Agreement on just that.

I really think he is reluctant to continue with the trial, probably because his unpaid fees are more than six digits already, and will triple if the trial goes another two weeks.
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Old 05-06-2015, 11:45 AM
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Protect Costs

Costs are what motivates litigants to continue fighting.

Some reasons Costs are awarded the way they are is because of the COMPLEXITY of the case (waste of Court time for simple cases with stubborn people) and the reasonableness or unreasonableness of a party (either winning or losing party)

Where there any settlement offers.

Lots of people sit in that witness box and roll there eyes over answering hours of questions that go nowhere KNOWING there lawyer is being paid 300-500/hr. (Breaks anybody down)

OP lawyer KNOWS his clients finances and knows the strength of his/her case and what his client can be TAPPED for (the bill)

I imagine OP lawyer see's whats ahead going forward (unpaid)..but be careful on being the one responsible for being stuck (stubborn) on just one item as a tactic in avoiding the "unreasonable" label.

Both parties have over 3 days developed a personal relationship with the Judge, don't be seen as letting the Judge down.

There could be a creative way to solve the one item....or eat some crap to stick EX with the lawyer bill.

Also after Trial is over and the Order is done ......you/ex can try making it work but your also entitled to a new Application and Trial 6 months after this Trial is history.

If your a Self Rep you learned a TON.....EX learned nothing (going forward.)

Just some advice.

Last edited by MrToronto; 05-06-2015 at 11:50 AM.
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 05-06-2015, 12:01 PM
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Thanks. There's been Offers to Settle going both ways since long before the trial started. It was my overture in the middle of cross examining her, five days into the trial, that caused the potential Settlement to be negotiated last Friday.

The one and only thing I haven't budged on is joint custody - her Application was for sole custody of all three of our children. The potential Settlement even allows her "primary residence" status, despite there being no child support payable. I'm not sure of the hidden legal dangers with that, though.

I suspect her difficulty with deciding whether to agree to the settlement is partly based on the fact that I haven't finished cross-examining her yet, so she can't talk to her lawyer about how much of a malevolent liar my cross-examination has exposed her as being thus far.

She probably still believes her delusions that I suddenly became a monster and that she is therefore perfectly entitled to seize, withhold, and alienate the children while denying them the counseling and psychiatric care that I've tried to arrange.

Anyway, the unbelievably stressful waiting-and-seeing continues.
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 05-11-2015, 08:56 PM
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There's no settlement. The ex is so desperate to prevent a return to equal parenthood that she is willing to continue with a trial that is now estimated to take six weeks instead of two. I'm still cross-examining her, but the court room furniture had to be rearranged because I was "too close to her".
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