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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 04-28-2015, 02:51 PM
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How do I deal with a mental health crisis in the midst of self-represented trial?

Having to listen to all the vicious lies and relive the trauma has broken me after only two days of a ten day trial.

My mind is gone. I can't think, can't prepare for next day. Just want to escape it all.

Don't know what to do.
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Old 04-28-2015, 03:06 PM
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take a deep breath. You need to focus. Trials are messy, everyone knows that. Just keep saying to yourself, I can do this. When your ex tells lies etc just let it slide off your back. If you find you cannot handle it then maybe you should have legal representation or find a way to settle with the ex.
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Old 04-28-2015, 03:12 PM
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Your health comes first. I don't know your financial situation/resources but if EAP (Employment Assistance Program) is available to you than I'd certainly use them.

Talk to family members, friends, etc. There is usually a "family services" organization in every city with counselor's that arn't that badly priced.

But remember. OP wants you to break. Again, I have no idea what your situation is but if there's custody/access on the line you should regroup, take a deep breath and trudge through the battlefield, head held high. If you're having thoughts of self-harm, suicide or delusions then seek professional help NOW.

Here is a thread I started a while back:
http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...aration-18424/

LF32
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Old 04-28-2015, 03:35 PM
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OP....In addition to the points above:

- 1st thing, don't get off on the wrong foot with the Judge
- focus on your own matter and stance
- let the other party tell their lies till the cows come home.
- Do not indulge in lies just because they are
- You have to rebut all the lies with facts, hopefully you are armed to do this?
- Don't consume yourself with the other party's business
- Keep your emotions in check
- Speak only when it's your time
- Come prepared with a binder well organized with everything related to your case...I left it at home isn't going to cut it.

I was self represented also and was scheduled for a 2 day trial. However, on the day of and a couple of hours before our docket, we were called in to see a Judge. I went first as the applicant, but my binder was well presented and easy to follow. I got everything I wanted based on facts, and avoided spousal support, pension split amongst other things. CS of course is a given, but based on offset 50-50
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Old 04-28-2015, 04:06 PM
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Go easy on yourself and realize that you are, indeed, self-represented. The lawyers around you and the judge have all being doing this for quite a while. So don't try to mimic the other side.

I'd review your information and keep things as simple as possible. Don't be afraid to ask the judge for clarification or assistance.

Sometimes our own personal expectations are simply too high. You love your children and want what is best for them.

Don't over-analyze things. Staying calm is important.

Get out and get some fresh air, take a brisk walk. Perhaps do this a few times and be sure to get some rest. Easy on the coffee and drink plenty of water.
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Old 04-28-2015, 04:28 PM
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You've made it this far, all the way to trial ... it will be settled and over with soon. Do the best you can in front of the judge, be polite and give clear answers to his/her questions.

Explain your case as clearly and efficiently as possible. Most judges don't have the patience for long-winded presentations.

Whatever you do don't let the other side rattle your nerves, don't react to them - it's their strategy to make you defensive, ignore them.
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Old 04-28-2015, 05:12 PM
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FF88: You made a good start ... by reaching out. There is a range of suggestions put forward. Pick what works best for you and be kind to yourself. Good luck.
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Old 04-29-2015, 08:15 PM
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Thanks everybody. I've survived day three of what was supposed to be a ten day trial. The judge and opposing counsel are of the opinion that it is likely to go longer.

Boggles my mind.
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Old 04-29-2015, 08:25 PM
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Stay strong...the light is at the end of the tunnel. This too shall eventually pass. The fact that you have come so far on your own...is truly an accomplishment. Good luck to you!
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Old 04-29-2015, 10:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FormerFather88 View Post
Thanks everybody. I've survived day three of what was supposed to be a ten day trial. The judge and opposing counsel are of the opinion that it is likely to go longer.

Boggles my mind.
Good job! I am sure the judge respects you and will have lots of patience. I only had a couple days in family court and it was nerve racking. My worst scenario was like you, the other party was lieing and crying poor me, but it was only a mediation meeting....still frustrating though. I managed to keep my cool as I only had to be ready to show proof of lies in court if the judge cared to see.

Stay strong!! Wish you the best!!
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