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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 12-12-2011, 11:21 PM
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Just found out tonight that my 15 year old marriage is over cannot beleive how i feel had a great relationship but when we fought it was fierce both decide we cannot live together although we still both love each other we neither have found other people just we cannot live together just both need different things

What i cannot beleive is how i am feeling feels like my stomach is updide down my head is racing i am a mess and just do not know what to do i know this is shock but i dont think this will end i know people say it gets better but i don't think so any ideas on support or how i can cope much appreciated

alan
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Old 12-12-2011, 11:30 PM
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It will get better, I know it doesn't make a difference right now...but it will. I know a million things are probably racing through your head..but it will all figure itself out. Breakups can feel so terrible, and you feel like you will never find happiness again...but you'd could be surprised at how soon you start to feel better. I was a wreck 2 month ago. Couldn't eat, pacing back and forth in my house, crying etc. Now I wonder why I was so upset...I am much happier without him. I can be myself again.
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Old 12-12-2011, 11:32 PM
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thank you appreciated i have never felt this way love her so much had such a wonderful relationship think we just started to take each other for granted think i will get councelling and see doctor cannot feel like this killing me just hope it gets better with time thank you
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Old 12-12-2011, 11:59 PM
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Definitely see a doctor, get some counselling, unburden yourself on family or good friends. No reason to go through this shock without any support.

And be assured that we all went through this, the first steps, the shock, the sudden upheaval of your life, it's all normal to feel the way you are.

What's important is not to make any major life decisions, or sign any documentation, right now. Wait till your brain and stomach settle a bit before you start tackling legal stuff.

If you have kids, don't move out. If you think you are in a state right now, they are going to be affected too, when they get told what's happening. Try to keep it as normal as possible for them, aside from their parents sleeping in different rooms right now.

Make copies of all documentation, financial records, wills, deeds, etc. You'll need them and want to make sure nothing happens to them. Put all your personal valuables in a safe place she doesn't have access to (with a friend, in your office, etc) so they don't go missing. I know this sounds paranoid, but too many people on here will tell you they wish they had done this. You may think she would never do anything like that, but if you still knew her well, you wouldn't be in this predicament. She has changed and you can't predict her anymore.

The headspinning reeling stage is just that, a stage. It does pass, and you will come out the other side, maybe not happier, or even happy, right away, but clear thought will return with perspective and distance. In the meantime, eat right, get some exercise, try to sleep regularly, and focus on your kids.
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Old 12-13-2011, 12:10 AM
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Thanks no kids and as for settlement we have both agreed to split everything and keep what we had before we started so that part is very clean and not stressful .

just the feeling of loss and the unknown of the future, will take it day by day and see how it plays out but the feeling i have in my stomach is terrible,

alan
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Old 12-13-2011, 12:02 PM
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osgoode3, as Rioe said the headspinning state will pass and things do get better. I would suggest that you talk to your doctor and try to get out and get involved in stuff that makes you happy. I found that going to a gym helped me deal with my depression and stress of my divorce.
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Old 12-20-2011, 01:20 AM
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I agree with all the comments on this so far. It has been 7 months since my husband walked out the door. Different situation he had an affair and moved in with his girlfriend and is fighting me every step of the way on the divorce.

It is a very emotional time in the first few months and it isn't easy to get through but you will. As everyone said we have all been there. I know that I am doing much better emotionally then I was. I still have my days but they are fewer and farther between. Life on my own isn't as scary and lonely as I thought it would be when he first left. To be honest I am starting to enjoy life on my own. Counselling made a huge difference for me, I know it is not for everyone but it certainly helped me. Surround yourself with people who support you. When people told me that I could make it through this I thought they were crazy and couldn't possibly understand how much this hurt. Now I realize they weren't crazy and they were right. All of us in this forum do understand what you are going through and we are all at different stages of our divorces or seperations. I haven't been a member for very long and I don't post often but even just reading the posts helps me.
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