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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 09-28-2011, 04:22 PM
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Default the hardest part

... of the whole thing is when i get the

"how come you and Mom can't live together" from my six year old boy.

I'm on the other side of that fence and have been for awhile now.
I don't know when the boy will get there.

He was very angry at me about it last night, and it hurts me.
I can't even defend it.
Its all my fault. It has to be!
Or else what?!?
I blame his mother?

Not going to happen.
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Old 09-28-2011, 04:41 PM
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You simply and quietly and calmly explain that, while mom and dad both still love him very much, some couples just aren't meant to be.

My D6 has made similar comments. I explain that, while I still really like your mom (being polite and nice to my daughter), we weren't a good couple. And that we do better apart then we did together. Us being apart though doesn't mean we can't be friendly and coparent D6. It is just a different relationship, nothing wrong or bad about it.
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Old 09-28-2011, 07:54 PM
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At my house it's 'Daddy and I make better friends than spouses and we'd rather be happy friends than unhappy spouses'.
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Old 09-28-2011, 08:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
At my house it's 'Daddy and I make better friends than spouses and we'd rather be happy friends than unhappy spouses'.
that is the most perfect response.
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:28 PM
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Quote:
'Daddy and I make better friends than spouses and we'd rather be happy friends than unhappy spouses'.
wow, that's way better than my "because your father is a dbag" response. I'm writing that down.
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Old 09-28-2011, 10:02 PM
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God...I get that question daily from my D7 and S7.... Never knew how to approach an answer and left it at "Mom is happier and better when Mom and Dad don't live together" Gotta start using your answers
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Old 09-29-2011, 09:50 AM
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Well, I make no quams about the fact that my boys' father has made an "adult" mistake, and that I made mistakes in our marriage, too. I like honesty, and I like reality. We talk about the importance of respect and responsibility in life, and we talk about the importance of the words you choose when speaking to someone, both for solving problems and showing respect. They are learning how different words/actions will get you different reponses from people. I would like my little men to grow up to be men of their word. To me, if you don't stand behind your word, you aren't much of a man.

I tell them that while their father has his faults, that we all do, I respect and support that they love him very much, and that I loved him enough that I chose him to be their father.

The fact is, he had an affair and left to be with another woman, and I don't know how I can say honestly to my children that I am happier because of that choice, even though things are much happier overall in this household. I would've been happier to work on this family, or at least to have him leave the marriage honestly.

They're going to get enough sunshine blown up their asses until they are old enough to recognize differently. I'd like to be the parent they have always been able to trust to come to for the honest truth.
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Old 09-29-2011, 11:45 AM
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My boys never asked why, and never asked us to get back together. They had seen first hand the 'why' every day. However when my now nearly 16 year old was 12 and I began seeing my current spouse he did say that he had never seen me smile so much or laugh so much and that made him happy. We are now planning our wedding and I was excitedly telling him about plans we had for them to be involved and he got teary eyed. I asked him what was wrong and he said
"Nothing, it's just nice to see you so giddy. You two are so goofy about each other still, it's kool." My other two were smirking and nodding.
That made me smile.
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Old 09-29-2011, 11:47 AM
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Congratulations Mommabear!

I'm in the same situation and its amazing how life can be when you're with a person who you're truly compatible with. My best wishes on your new marriage...best wishes!
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Old 09-29-2011, 05:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
wow, that's way better than my "because your father is a dbag" response. I'm writing that down.

LMAO!
Too funny
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