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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 08-29-2011, 10:04 PM
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Nadia is on a distinguished road
Default The Gift That Keeps on Giving

I came across the following blog on a Divorce Site and I think it would apply to anyone (he/she) who is dealing with post-divorce and high conflict.

"When I left my ex, I was worried that I was crazy like he kept telling me. Maybe he was a great guy and I was a psychotic who has lost her grip on reality. Had he proceeded to treat me with respect and kindness after the split, I would have hated myself for eternity and blamed myself for destroying what would've been a happy family. That would've been torment.

Lucky for me, he has, and continues to treat me with anger, hatred and venom. He re-affirms why I left him almost every time he opens his mouth. You'd think he would send me a basket with a thank-you note for leaving him. He never even liked me! My leaving was a gift to him. Instead of receiving a basket for my generosity, I get him. The gift that keeps on giving."
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Old 08-29-2011, 10:59 PM
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LOL I think that too but I am happy - everytime I receive the "gift" I thank god I'm not still receiving it every day! And now I can just leave/hang up.
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Old 08-30-2011, 11:51 AM
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Pursuinghappiness will become famous soon enough
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I can identify with that blog. In fact, its something I've said many, many times.

When things came to a head for my stbx and I, he ranted at me for an hour about how I was a horrible person and a terrible "everything"..mother, wife, cook, housekeeper, etc. (the same stuff I had heard the 20 years before). He then spent a long time praising himself for being a wonderful husband, father, provider who has had to put up with me all the years we were together. I let him go on and on..face red, screaming, cursing in my face...then I smiled and said...

"If that's how you feel...then let me do you a solid. I'm gonna divorce you. And I'll get what I deserve and in no time because you're so wonderful...you're surely going to be with the woman that you truly deserve."

He then argued that I was still his "soul mate"..which of course, I disagreed with. In the week after, when he realized that I wasn't going to stay with him and continued to ask for a mediated divorce...he went to what I consider a high-conflict lawyer and served me with papers. In the time since, he continues on a daily basis to try to financially cripple me and cause issues with the care of our children and he has basically made every effort to harrass and insult me in every possible way to everyone that we know..including my own family.

Yet funny enough...despite all of it...the daily divorce trauma...moving, court, financies, I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. Everyday I realize what an empty, bitter, pathetic person he is and how incredibly lucky I am to be getting away from him with my youth, my sanity, and my optimism. He validates my decision with everything he does and everything he is.

Consequently, I've been with the man of my dreams for a year now...we're planning a life together. And funny enough, despite the fact that he's such an amazing guy...my stbx still hasn't found the supermodel housekeeper that a man of his fine stature deserves...go figure.
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