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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 10-25-2012, 11:16 AM
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Default Getting rid of ex-husbands stuff

I know that there was some discussion about this recently but my situation is a little different. My divorce has been finalized for some time now (almost a year) and my ex-husband has yet to come get the rest of his things. He moved out earlier this year and I have talked to him several times about getting the rest of his stuff. I was told at least three dates on which he would come and pack up/take his stuff but that actually never happened. I have become desperate to get this over with because I really need the space and do not see it as fair that I store his things at my expense.

My SO said that I should give him a set date by which he must remove his things and then just toss the stuff if necessary. At the moment he is supposed to come this Sunday to get everything but I am doubtful. I am thinking of giving until the end of the month at such time I will remove anything that hasn't been picked up.

Our SA stated that we would split things as we saw fit and I have been holding onto a lot of things in case he needed them but this is getting ridiculous. I have started redecorating my apartment and am only just now throwing out things. Don't get me wrong, I have not thrown out anything that is unmistakably his, but I am getting rid of things that I would gladly give to him if he would just come and get it.

I guess I'm just wondering if this is reasonable. Please let me know your thoughts.
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Old 10-25-2012, 11:33 AM
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How many things? What would it amount to packed up?

If it were me and we weren't at each other's throats, I'd pack it up in boxes and send it by local courier with instructions to leave at door, no signature required. I'd send him an email a few days beforehand saying that I was doing that, and if he didn't agree he should give me a clear date when he would be picking them up. You can still request a copy of the waybill with the driver's notation that it was delivered.

If you throw them out it will be just as much work as packing them up. Sending them to him let's you feel you were the better person, sometimes that's worth a few bucks. Mind, if it is something like his barbells, anvil collection, and spare bricks of osmium, I might just put them out at the curb.
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Old 10-25-2012, 11:37 AM
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Not bricks but tons of paperback books which means heavy and more money than I'd like to spend. Most of which I'm sure he hasn't read.
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Old 10-25-2012, 12:50 PM
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I would maybe pack all of his things up in boxes, on the date he said he is coming to get them, move it all out to the front of the house. If he doesn't show, maybe call a charity for pick up?
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Old 10-25-2012, 03:25 PM
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You indicated that you were divorced so equalization, possesssion of contents, etcetera would have been dealt with. That being said.. he's just being lazy. Tell him to pick it up at a certain date or it's going in the garbage. Put the ball in his court, and don't piddle around with him.
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Old 10-25-2012, 10:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stressedmama View Post
Not bricks but tons of paperback books which means heavy and more money than I'd like to spend. Most of which I'm sure he hasn't read.
Tell him to get them by X date or you'll dispose of them. Then go make some money at a used bookstore.
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Old 10-25-2012, 11:27 PM
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sounds like you're still "mothering" your ex... Hard habit to break (I know).
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Old 10-26-2012, 12:13 AM
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I realize that I have a problem being a doormat but it's hard to get away from that.
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Old 10-26-2012, 04:06 PM
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I had the opposite problem, I droped the kids off one time to see my ex and her friends divying up books, movies etc. She had arbitrarily given me the ones she didn't want, and I had no say in what she was keeping. I stayed for a few minutes, she was very uncomfortable and asked me to leave. I was flabergasted that she would do this without consulting me.

She has since moved into an apartment and has given me the chance to come go through stuff she kept to see if there was anything I want, but I haven't done so. It was more the principle of the thing.
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Old 10-29-2012, 11:45 AM
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So the day has come and gone and he still hasn't picked up anything. I'm gonna focus on making Halloween fun for S7 then start purging.

I'm sure my Ex will be pissed at me getting rid of his stuff but c'est la vie. You only get so many chances before life smacks you.

I've been enjoying redecorating the apartment. It's great to actually make it into a home since I never did so before.
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