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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 07-28-2011, 05:05 PM
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I think you should discuss. Emotional affairs are not a good thing. Basically what happened to me. I should not have let it go. Emotional affairs often turn into physical ones, may not be with the same person. There's a reason for the affair. If you want to salvage because of kids (always a good reason) or because it can cost more down the road, do it. When I was an early teenager, my parents did it, stayed married a total of 57 years.

The discussion will tell you if you should stay together or not. It's your last chance otherwise, as Arnax says, it's over.
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Old 07-29-2011, 10:42 AM
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[quote=Pierre;71844]I think you should discuss. Emotional affairs are not a good thing. Basically what happened to me. I should not have let it go.

Pierre...were you the one having the emotional affair or was it your partner?
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Old 07-29-2011, 11:33 AM
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It was her. Then it turned into physical with other men much closer by. That's why I should have said something even though the initial emotional affair was with a guy at the other end of the country. A warning I guess to all that what may first seem innocent can turn into something not so innocent.
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Old 07-29-2011, 11:49 AM
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Pierre:

I agree and that's why I said for every cockroach you see, there's 1000 hiding in the walls. Its like doing research before you write the book.

Plus, everytime she's online with someone other than her husband..she's taking time and energy away from fixing their marital issues and time away from her kids.

Every situation is different but sometimes a spouse is looking for some emotional intimacy maybe they aren't getting in their marriage. I'm at the age where a lot of my women friends are getting divorced...and in longer marriages, it seems lack of communication, intimacy and emotional connection (aside from money arguments) is one of the main threads I hear. Researchers are finding out that sex/intimacy in longterm marriages is extremely important. It releases "bonding" hormones like oxytocin and vasopressin...which help create pair bonding and monogamy. If a couple is breaking down and its affecting their sex life...statistically you are more likely to have big issues on the horizon. Ignoring it really puts your marriage in peril.

Tireddad, I really hope you can talk to her, work on your marriage together and stay happily married for the next 25 years. Good luck to you!
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Old 07-29-2011, 02:52 PM
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Emotional Affairs should not be taken lightly.
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Old 09-12-2011, 07:39 PM
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just because there's no physical sex yet, doesn't make the relationships she's having ok.
credit to her though for being honest, i would try to fix this...you'd need to find out why she needs these relationships. has she told you any concerns? come out and ask.
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Old 10-17-2011, 12:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rwm1273 View Post
The only reason to try to salvage this relationship is because it will cost him too much to end it.
I disagree.
Maintaining this OBVIOUSLY toxic and deceitful marriage is setting a bad example to his children.

However, he might think he did something to deserve this.
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Old 10-17-2011, 12:46 PM
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I agree that the relationship is toxic, and if he stays in it it will have an effect on the kids, but so will a divorce. Neither option are good, and unfortunately in our society, it will be the father who loses his assets and risks loosing his relationship with his kids. Until shared parenting laws are brought in, divorce will continue to be about power, and her disclosure of her relationship is just another way of using her power.
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