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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 09-20-2013, 11:53 AM
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Thumbs down Games without ending

Ugggg- when will it ever end, a rant.

Been separated for 2 years, and ex has fought with me about everything! I mean everything... Custody, overnight access, transportation, me going to doctors appointments, etc etc, oh and money!


She was able to "give in" to "giving me" joint custody, EOW, and other normal things that a caring parent should be able to enjoy.

I (we) sold the house, paid the marital debts and $2,000 was left over to split... she wanted the $2000 - i suggested 1k each, or a 2k resp for son. the 2k sits in trust...


it seems like all of the issues but transportation, and money (alimony) have been solved.


After my lawyer suggested to impute $30,000 a year to her, (my income IS $125,000) she has decided that she wants to go back to school, part time, for some classes, but doesn't know when, where or why......she is currently working at a part time job for her mother, she works more hours or less hours depending on ex's wants. makes $17 an hour, about 20 hours a week. I know this school plan is BS, and would never stay together for very long - the last time she went to college she got all F's, after giving up in the second term.

only reason she cant work full time, is she doesn't want to. Son is in after school program, school is 3 minute drive from apartment, etc etc. She always dreamed of being a stay at home mom... i know, why the hell did i marry that?


i remember when we were married she loved to play games, and always wanted to take the easy road out. ie worked a week and quit because didn't get a full 30 minute lunch break, quit another job for 10 cents an hour more.... always delivers the news with a smirk...


I cant decide if she is stupid, or just loves to fight?!? Any advice on how to handle her on an individual level?

If we didn't have a child together, id change my number and that would be it....
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Old 09-20-2013, 01:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by me_vs_HCF View Post
Ugggg- when will it ever end, a rant.

Been separated for 2 years, and ex has fought with me about everything! I mean everything... Custody, overnight access, transportation, me going to doctors appointments, etc etc, oh and money!


She was able to "give in" to "giving me" joint custody, EOW, and other normal things that a caring parent should be able to enjoy.

I (we) sold the house, paid the marital debts and $2,000 was left over to split... she wanted the $2000 - i suggested 1k each, or a 2k resp for son. the 2k sits in trust...


it seems like all of the issues but transportation, and money (alimony) have been solved.


After my lawyer suggested to impute $30,000 a year to her, (my income IS $125,000) she has decided that she wants to go back to school, part time, for some classes, but doesn't know when, where or why......she is currently working at a part time job for her mother, she works more hours or less hours depending on ex's wants. makes $17 an hour, about 20 hours a week. I know this school plan is BS, and would never stay together for very long - the last time she went to college she got all F's, after giving up in the second term.

only reason she cant work full time, is she doesn't want to. Son is in after school program, school is 3 minute drive from apartment, etc etc. She always dreamed of being a stay at home mom... i know, why the hell did i marry that?


i remember when we were married she loved to play games, and always wanted to take the easy road out. ie worked a week and quit because didn't get a full 30 minute lunch break, quit another job for 10 cents an hour more.... always delivers the news with a smirk...


I cant decide if she is stupid, or just loves to fight?!? Any advice on how to handle her on an individual level?

If we didn't have a child together, id change my number and that would be it....
I'm not trying to be nasty or anything, because every single one of us in here has been through varying levels of hell - but you did marry her knowing that she was this way and lacked ambition to earn her own living.

Since you have a child, the best way to deal with your ex is by being the best Dad that you can be - making certain that you do everything in your power to see that the youngster is well taken care of. Avoid arguing with the ex, keep your communications with her to a bare minimum, e-mail your ex rather than calling.

Like they say, you can't argue with stupid ....
Good luck
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Old 09-20-2013, 01:59 PM
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it seems like all of the issues but transportation, and money (alimony) have been solved.
Since you narrow it down to this, I will respond to this.

- What kind of "transportation" issues are there? Is there some significant distance between the two of you? Is it just one party not wanting to share the transportation duties/costs, in regards to the child(ren)?

- what is your ex's past work history, and employment? Is the "working for Mom" something recent, or not? Your lawyer seems to think imputing income of $30,000 a year is good, so he must have a reason to think that is reasonable? For "spousal support" (I assume that is the alimony you refer to), she has to show entitlement to it. What makes you think she can do this? Need more info, less ranting. :-)
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Old 09-20-2013, 02:00 PM
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Unless, you just really want to rant, in the "divorce support" forum...you can, go ahead. I figured you were looking for thoughts/answers though.
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Old 09-20-2013, 07:24 PM
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Unless, you just really want to rant, in the "divorce support" forum...you can, go ahead. I figured you were looking for thoughts/answers though.
Just ranting

I married my ex when i was a point in my life when i thought that if someone liked the same music as me, and liked to have sex, that would be enough

God was I wrong

No issue is solvable with her, and she is out of ideas. ie on the transportation, her idea is "i don't want to drive".


It will be one for the courts, or atleast the steps of the courts.

Emails only with her. i let her calls go to voice mail, etc...


thanks for the replies, sometimes things become too much dealing with her.
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Old 09-20-2013, 07:31 PM
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I would suggest imputing PROVABLE income (17/hr x 20 hrs/week) - for the 1st year. 2nd year add 30% and so on until she is imputed a full time salary. This gives her time to get her act together and I believe judges favor this form of imputation.
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Old 09-20-2013, 08:36 PM
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I would suggest imputing PROVABLE income (17/hr x 20 hrs/week) - for the 1st year. 2nd year add 30% and so on until she is imputed a full time salary. This gives her time to get her act together and I believe judges favor this form of imputation.
i like that... makes sense to me. She is rejecting any imputation, wants to be a stay at home mom. I'll let her "tell it to the judge"...The CC judge had harsh words for her about her desires not to work, but it fell on deaf ears.

Actually her points were all ripped to sheds by CC judge, her lawyer didnt fair much better, got called on BS.

made me smile.
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Old 09-20-2013, 09:12 PM
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The thing is many lawyers blow smoke up their client's arse (which is what I think is probably happening to your ex). I receive SS and the gradual imputing of income is fair to both parties. She might have a problem initially with the concept but once she and her lawyer figure out how it works she might come around. I'm sure if you put that forward the judge would approve. She can remain a stay at home mom for the rest of her life if she wants but you won't be penalized forever for her decision. I personally found paying huge tax to CRA to be quite distasteful. The best thing for her would be to go to a financial planner and get some advice. I remember being in the JDR for our divorce (binding arbitration) and I was totally overwhelmed by the financial discussion. I recall "zoning out" through a good portion of it and can vaguely remember my lawyer talking about my pre tax position etc. Your ex might simply be overwhelmed and frightened of the unknown. It's a scary thing to put all of your trust in your lawyer when you are in this situation. I was fortunate as I have a business background but many people who come out of lengthy marriages simply don't have a clue on how everything works. I suspect this is why so many divorces are dragged out so long.

Many women, myself included I'm afraid, listen to other women when they are starting on their divorce. We hear the horror stories as well as stories of those who "divorced well" and seem to be set up for life. Some women don't even know the true financial state of their marriage until they start the divorce as husband paid all the bills.

Much will depend upon your ex's age and ability to support herself in the future. By offering a step-down process you can also request a review in a few years (you don't have to wait for 5 yrs). This makes everyone accountable.
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Old 09-21-2013, 11:21 AM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post

Many women, myself included I'm afraid, listen to other women when they are starting on their divorce. We hear the horror stories as well as stories of those who "divorced well" and seem to be set up for life. Some women don't even know the true financial state of their marriage until they start the divorce as husband paid all the bills.

Much will depend upon your ex's age and ability to support herself in the future. By offering a step-down process you can also request a review in a few years (you don't have to wait for 5 yrs). This makes everyone accountable.

She is not a money/ numbers person at all, never ever, not even slightly. I am. She had never been responsible for any bills in her life before our divorce, etc, etc. I do imagine its all rather scary for a 35 year old.

Her only claim is economic need - no compensatory claim has been made, or brought up by opposing council.

I will try approaching her with empathy regarding her financial worries, and offer a step down with review at the 0.5 years per year of marriage mark.

At least I can say I tried. lol.

Thanks for your personal advice.
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