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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 03-22-2011, 01:53 PM
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Don't move out of the house.

Make sure you remain an equal (or greater) parent to your kids.

Be selfish - worry about you first (but still be honourable etc)

She is done with your marriage, it is hard for her to admit from guilt etc, but she is done. High chance there is someone else, which may help you accept it, but I suppose either way, it does not matter. She is not wearing her wedding band is your biggest clue and telling her friends its over. What she tells you, what she tells her parents is sugar coated - her friends get the truth!

The progress your mention is only her being nice to you because she feels guilty. She wishes she didn't have to end your marriage, but at the same time, she already has in her mind, and now that she has told you and is not wearing her ring, and is telling her friends, it will move faster. Any hope you have will only prolong the inevitable, but again, be selfish and do what it takes to get to a place where you can see your life as a single parent (there are many advantages!)

It will be a difficult time, but you will accept it one day, and will be strong again.

Sucks when people say its over doesn't it - but they are right!

Last edited by billm; 03-22-2011 at 01:56 PM.
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Old 03-22-2011, 06:21 PM
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Man I just went through ALL of what you are experiencing and could go on for at least an hour. Statistically this is not good news. Your wife is almost 100% in love with someone else and there is NOTHING you can do about it. Some refer it to a midlife crisis. You may not know who she is seeing but believe me there is someone else there. At the moment she desperately needs a form of emotional support which is not you. There is just a very small chance that it is her parents but usually NOT. She has checked out of your marriage and you have little options for now.

Isolate your finances - go to the bank NOW and lock down all lines of credit as I have. I just lost several HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS from what my wife just did while she told me the same things as you described. Cancel your credit cards and immediately split any joint accounts. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE! Isolate your emotions and watch her.

This is tough and I feel for you - I got the same speech in Nov.09, found the other man in Feb.10, separated in July.10 and am so happy now that she is gone. But my friend I know that you will be going through hell for some time and like I said I really feel sorry for you.
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Old 03-24-2011, 10:49 AM
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Very good advice!
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Old 03-24-2011, 10:50 AM
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the pain will ease with time a lot of us went through it to hell and back
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Old 03-25-2011, 08:11 AM
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Thank you to everyone for their advice. Just to update, things are changing for me right now. Maybe for the better or maybe for the worse.
It seems that if I am willing to make drastic changes to how I view our marriage and the expectations that we put on ourselves and each other, we may be able to work things out and stay together.
I don't know yet how things will work out but I do appreciate the support I have received here.
What I do know for sure is that if my marriage does stay together, it will never be the same as it once was and by admitting that now, a little piece of me has died forever. I hope I can look back on this years from now and just consider it as a speed bump in life as opposed to a life changing tragedy
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