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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 12-22-2016, 07:29 PM
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Default The first Christmas alone

I recall my first Christmas after a year-long horrendous battle with my ex. I had been married for 29 years at the time. Our son was in his 20s (thankfully). My immediate financial situation was tenuous as ex had removed all the money from bank as well as diverted all of the income from our business into a newly-created company (which I did not know of at the time). I had to deal with an impending foreclosure (30 days) of our home as ex had refused to pay the mortgage. I had to borrow money from friends/family to pay the utility bills so we had heat that year (-35). I recall having to put all of my household in storage and not knowing where I would next live. It wasn't until very late in December that my lawyer had made some progress and managed to get money from my ex. Renting a temporary place was challenging without money. Friends, yet again, came to my rescue.

I also at that time had to deal with ex's g/f's claims that I had threatened her. I had to hire a criminal lawyer for that issue (which, of course, was eventually dropped). I also had the corporate lawyers to deal with over business.

On top of that I had CRA at my heels for unpaid source deduction remittance for our business. CRA seized my company bank accounts. In the end CRA actually became an ally with regards to my ex's sleazy business dealings. My lawyer was able to get a spousal support order to get at least some $$ from my ex. I certainly wasn't, nor have I ever been, in the $$$$$ with spousal support. Sure the amount I received at that time was more than many have to pay annually, but it certainly has never mitigated my damages. I financed our business over the years and I know, with certainty, that I will never recover the money I invested. This isn't about my "sacrificing myself" for years of child raising (although I did do that as well).

My point is that when things seem totally insurmountable the human spirit kicks in and one finds a way to work things out. You can't lose hope. There is indeed a tomorrow, albeit it might be somewhat different from what you are accustomed to.

Christmas traditions will change. You will have to think of a new way to do things this year but that doesn't mean that things won't be just as good... in fact things may become much more meaningful for you and your children.

I don't cook elaborate meals for 26 people at Christmas anymore. I don't attend a 500.00/couple gala at New Years Eve anymore. I am happy. By myself and surprising I really do enjoy my own company. I have re-discovered the joy of reading. To be honest, I really do enjoy a quieter life now. Yes, my son and I do laugh and recall "the good old days" of grandiose entertaining while lounging on our couch, munching on Pizza 73.

It all works out.
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Old 12-23-2016, 02:09 PM
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Default

Nice post Arabian I was just thinking about how my divorce was changing traditions. This is my 2nd Christmas alone, or rather... setting different traditions.

I've got my girls for Xmas eve and morning as last year... and we are doing the "family tradition" (just us.. a buffet meal in front of the fireplace, then watching Christmas movies) and opening gifts Christmas morning. In some ways its better... I always embraced and loved the holidays, my Ex always seemed indifferent at best. It seemed more like "lets get this thing over with" rather than having a happy time.

So on Christmas day they go to their mom's late morning.... . As much as I love turkey and all the fixings, the bulk of that work on Christmas day was on my plate as I was the family "chef". Its nice to have a quiet, reflective day.

And... who knows? Time changes things (as we all well know being on this forum) kids grow up and start their own familys, I meet someone with a huge extended family? Future years could be totally different. Its about embracing who you are, what you have and where you are in Life.

Happy Holidays!
jh
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