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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 08-21-2012, 09:44 AM
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Default Fight over chairs (omg)

I know this is really stupid. My daughter brought lawn chairs to my home over a year ago. I had no say over what X chose to take from the home 3 years ago. He has repeatedly asked for the chairs, in the last week, always through our daughter. I keep telling her he needs to speak to me. I love those chairs for camping. I do not want to talk to him and don't want to return the chairs.. don't have camp chairs because he took them all. He won't let it go ever... am I just being stubborn and silly??? Maybe a little get even there... because he owes me some child support for 2 months which he denies any knowledge of. Should I just give the chairs back to keep the peace. ugggh
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Old 08-21-2012, 09:52 AM
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Unless the chairs are made of gold or were where your kids were conceived and/or birthed, so they have significant sentimental value, they are just freaking chairs.

How much does your lawyer charge an hour? How much are the chairs? How many chairs are there? If it is a set of 4, give him 2. If it is 2, go out and buy 2 the same.

How come I feel these are the gravity chairs....if they are, they are less than $60 to buy. That like works out to about 15 minutes of your lawyers time each.

And child support has nothing to do with the distribution of family property.
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Old 08-21-2012, 10:08 AM
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Or...you could just stop letting him engage you in a stupid arguement over the chairs. Don't respond to his requests, emails, calls or anything else in regards to them. Seriously, it takes two to keep the conflict going. Either give him the damn chairs or end the arguement by way of lack of a response.
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Old 08-21-2012, 10:16 AM
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OK, sorry something is unclear here.

Your daughter brought the chairs to your home a year ago. From where? Did she buy them herself?

It sounds like she brought them from her dad's house. In this case, they are his chairs, and if you want an ethical answer, you should return them. While I try not to hold personal grudges over petty stuff, if someone didn't return my property when I asked for it, it's pretty hard to let that go.

You say that you had no say in what he took from the house 3 years ago when you split. There is actually nothing unfair about that, as long as the items were accounted for in equalization, which your lawyer should have pointed out to you. The family items belonged to both of you and he had as much right to them as you did. They had to be somewhere. It's always nice if a divorcing couple can agree amicably about splitting household items, but let's face it, they are divorcing usually because they can't agree with things.

This is hardly worth a court battle, but frankly you could buy your own chairs and you know that he has reason to be mad about this. I realize you like the chairs; I'm sure he does too.

If your daughter happens to take your belongings over to his house for a weekend, would you expect them to be returned?
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Old 08-21-2012, 10:19 AM
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Oh I missed that angle. If indeed the daughter borrowed the chairs and brought them over, then him asking her to return the chairs is not unreasonable at all. In fact, she borrowed them so it seems, if this is the case, then he is asking for her to be responsible in returning them which seems quite fair, indeed.
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Old 08-21-2012, 10:58 AM
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I missed that angle also...!

So they divorced 3 years ago. Ex packs up some stuff, which included the chairs in question, and left. Daughter comes over for like a BBQ or something and brings these chairs back to use. They have not since been returned.

IMO, if that is case, time to bring it up would've been at the division of the net family property 3 years ago. Trying to say you didn't agree to it 3 years ago when he left and are claiming them now is not reasonable. Your inaction 3 years ago would've been deemed consent. You didn't bring it up during division of the property and the fact that they are probably inexpensive was likely the reason why.

They were his upon the signing of the divorce decree if they in his possession and were not otherwise disputed at the time of the finalization of the divorce.
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Old 08-21-2012, 11:19 AM
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Thanks very much all... sometimes you need a reality check. The chairs go back.
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Old 08-21-2012, 12:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momiss View Post
Thanks very much all... sometimes you need a reality check. The chairs go back.
Momiss: Excellent choice!
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Old 08-21-2012, 01:13 PM
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Quote:
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Thanks very much all... sometimes you need a reality check. The chairs go back.
Really easy to get into those disputes I know! One thing I always added after I handed stuff over was to stop involving our daughter and making her the go-between.

My philosophy on marital property came from a friend who offered me advice. He said "I fought my ex on a few thousand dollars in rrsp's. When all was said and done, I spent more on lawyers fees arguing over it than the value of the rrsps she wanted. Pick your battles"
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Old 08-21-2012, 01:29 PM
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If the situation was that the daughter had borrowed the chairs and taken them to mom's, I wouldn't consider it putting the daughter in the middle to have her be responsible for returning them - she WAS the one that borrowed them.

Just as if she'd borrowed them and left them at a friend's place, it seems unreasonable that dad would have to go to the friend to have them returned rather than asking his daughter to assume responsibility.
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