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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 03-31-2015, 09:33 AM
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A women's earning potential doesn't seem to matter. My ex wife had more education and earning potential and the same number of years of work experience I had. She loaded up on spousal support from day one and has never gone back to work to this day.

To this day she has told me she is extremely proud to have handled me the way she did to get everything she wanted.

Link is a bit cynical (and well earned) but still. Psychotic.
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Old 03-31-2015, 09:37 AM
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I see my son EOW, I saw more than 73% of my gross income taken away from me every month, and I even had the pleasure of sitting in police interrogation rooms being grilled after being falsely accused of sexual molesting children by my ex.

Like I said, Link is cynical, but he's not entirely wrong. Not every case goes as badly as he says, but many certainly do.

I even went to my doctor looking for help coping with my anxiety and depression in that situation and my female doctor told me she wouldn't do anything and to man up.
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Old 03-31-2015, 11:22 AM
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I wont get into the finer details of what led to my partners divorce. Ive gleaned info from him, his family, his closest friends (who knew him pre and post marriage) and his nightmares/talking in his sleep. He was a "mr mom" their entire marriage. Supported her so she could work through her field to the top. Lost jobs in his field because of it. Couldnt move up with companies because his field is nomadic. He sacrificed a lot. The only reason he complains now is because finally divorcing freed him from the emotional abuse of the marriage but cut him off from the only part he enjoyed--being a dad.

He finds ways to get through it. He has moments where hes angry and bitter. He spends time mourning what he lost. He also knows that there are men (and women) much worse off dealing with even worse situations.

You get through it. A little battered and bruised but you do survive. Just remember to keep breathing, stay calm and take a moment here and there to bitch/scream/punch a pillow. In the end you arent in the situation that caused it and you are no longer sharing space with some who sucks the life out of you.

He did go to see a counselor last year on my urging. Im not a fan of medication but more talking to someone. Even men are impacted by this and its just as devastating to them. He found comfort in what his therapist told him. It doesnt really help him when the ex is needling him or the kids are difficult but it did show him hes just as much impacted by what happened.
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Old 03-31-2015, 01:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
In the end you arent in the situation that caused it and you are no longer sharing space with someone who sucks the life out of you.
^^^Good point, aside from the welfare of your child/children, being able to live a peaceful life has to be your number one priority. Personally, I opted for a smaller settlement rather than years of battling it out in court with an unreasonable jerk who would rather blow it all on lawyers bills than do what's right for all concerned.

Vengeance/bitterness has a price.

I have the basics covered, everything else is icing on the cake. The main thing is no more DRAMA. I have the love and respect of my son ... and now I'm free of the Ex's BS. Life is good
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Old 03-31-2015, 02:24 PM
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@Annapurn66 I absolutely feel for you. I'm going through the similar thoughts and feelings. The whole process has left me feeling pretty down.

I started a new job about 2 months before my ex came out of the woodwork with her motion. When I had to file my response, it was a busy time at work. I spent too much time obsessing about things in my head, that it hurt my performance at work. Though my employer is verbally supportive, blowing out vacation days to attend court on less than 2 weeks notice doesnt make things go smoothly with the boss. (corp policy is 30 days notice)

Mentally I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to have to find a new job once this drama finalizes. At my pay grade it take a long time to find such a role. (6 months last go-around)

The system is so slanted to the other gender, and her woe is me story, I feel ashamed to call myself a Canadian.

The only way that I've been able to cope with things has been that I've had a great network of life long friends whom I can talk to about this. It doesn't make the problem go away, but good friends can help lift you up.
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Old 03-31-2015, 09:42 PM
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Quote:
. Even men are impacted by this and its just as devastating to them
Even men? Women generally score highly in divorce the only time women lose is if they screw it up afterwards (aka FB ex). Its men that get thrown out, deprived of money, children and a senss of fairness.
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 04-01-2015, 12:57 AM
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I meant it in terms of people think men arent emotionally impacted. My partners ex got slammed from a money perspective (in her opinion) and even though the decision was fair and equal, she continues to lead the kids to believe dad stole from her. She acts like he walked away ahead and shes so battered but losing his kids has taken a greater toll than her finances.
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