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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 02-24-2006, 02:18 PM
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bman is on a distinguished road
Unhappy Feel sad and guilty

First of all, I will admit, I fell for another person during my marriage and now close to having a divorce (separated for 1 yr already). I am guilty no matter what the circumstances is. It's been a year, but the agreement during the year was that I have my son every other weekend, and every weeknite, I pick him up from school and stay with him until his bedtime...I also pick him up in the morning (wake him, make him breakfast) and drop him off school. Now of course, as in many cases, we are fighting about finances and custody. I can handle fighting for money etc..but I am feeling really bad about custody. She wants sole custody, and I get every other weekend..but she will "allow" me to see him everynite like before, but venue will be atmy place...then drop him home.

Lately, my ex-wife has been reminding me of the god times we had together, 3 of us used to be very very close...I am depressed now (waking up early in the morning - 4am), and feeling sasd and cry because of the fact that I took the "family" away from my son. I can tell he is not as hapy, altho he is handling it well...but at times, I can tell he is sad and sometimes cry...

Now I am crying myself everyday...I cannot tell this to my gf, she may feel that I still want my ex-wife back...don't know. I know am guilty, or you can say i did something wrong, but my ex always has a way to make me feel so bad..altho what she says are true....I just feel so bad/sad now...

How can I get over this...my son is 6 yrs old...I wish he could just tell me, it's ok dad, I'm ok...lets just be happy living separately......

sobbing dad
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Old 02-24-2006, 05:55 PM
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Gwen is on a distinguished road
Default One Step at a time......

You are obviously having some serious regrets about how your marriage ended. Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence until we're on that grass. Personally, I think that you should get your "marriage" straightened out before you head into another relationship. It sounds like your wife might consider rekindling things with you and, with some good counselling, it could be a possibility for the 3 of you to be back together. But, before that can happen, you have to dump the girlfriend. Even if you're not considering getting back together with your wife, dump the girlfriend & find yourself! Get to love the person YOU are on your own! Only when you learn to love yourself can you truly love another! When you do learn to love yourself, you won't have any regrets about decisions you make/made, you'll start to sleep better and you'll even develop a better relationship with your wife and son whether you are together or apart!
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Old 02-24-2006, 07:07 PM
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bman,

perhaps some guilt is eating away at you. There must of been a reason why you strayed to begin with. Is the reason still there to begin with.

You child still does have its family. It is best to remain child centered.

Incidents of custody and access are determined on the child's best interest test. Both mother and father are equally entitled to custody subject to the child's best interest.

Your child may be somewhat sad as it may somehow blame itself. Talk to your child and enforce that they are not to blame for the situation.

In regards to your own personal feelings , have you considered EAP program or similar programs. Many employers subscribe to a service for the wellbeing of its employees.
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Old 03-17-2006, 01:54 AM
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lady_of_the_moon is on a distinguished road
Default torn....

I know how difficult it can be to feel torn between relationships, and then to try to deal with your son, and his reactions to everything must be very difficult. I think that any relationship ending, no matter what the circumstances, makes people feel guilty. I am sorry that this is so difficult for you. I would suggest taking some time to reflect (reflect, not beat yourself up over) what happened in your relationship that changed it, and lead to it going to another direction. You'll probably remember what made you feel like you wanted a different relationship... both the good about the new girlfriend, and what wasn't working between you and your wife.
And let your son know that you love him, and want to be there for him... that is the most important thing. If he knows that, he'll be okay, because he has parents who love him.

Wish you the best and take care.
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