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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 01-15-2016, 02:32 PM
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Post Family Law and criminal charge

So here it is. This is following the first thread I posted on the ODF. I decided to share my case here as it appears to be distinct from all the others that relates only to false allegations charged by the ex. I must recall that adding to false allegations of verbal abuse and domestic violence made by my ex to CAS, I was charged with threats to harm my ex at work. Maybe it did happen to others on this site and they decided to spare the details so they won't be the target of numerous guilty trips. The purpose of this is to aware people going into a litigious separation/divorce matter to keep their emotions, frustrations and injustice to family and close friends only. Best advise as others will only play interpretations to what you have said and could cause you nothing but trouble.

Within the next three weeks, my criminal case should drop with "unconditional forgiveness". It took all that long to prove that the accusations at work were over exaggerated (My manager is a freak paranoid on medication and lives in a soap opera world.) But hey, I wasn't careful enough and shit did happen and I am the one to blame. Happy this nightmare will be over as it is far enough to deal only with the matter of separation.

I wanted to go back to work but with my long absence and knowing I was still dealing with both family and criminal cases, my employer recommended that I seek professional advise from a doctor at Health Canada. After over two hours of consultation, with the high conflict divorce I'm going through, his advise was to remain on sick leave as my job would be at risk and would not be of the best interest. Same with my family doctor and psy. So there, I'm on invalidity allowances.

Financial concerns adds up to my anxiety. From the last CC, CS was based on that income. I was granted with supervised access at one of the two centers in Ottawa for 2 hours per week but the centers are so crowded, the waiting list is not before 3 months. More to that, it took over a month and a half for my ex to send the application. This was to make sure I didn't get to see my kids during the Holidays. Sucks real tight! Also, the 2nd center did not confirm yet they had received her application for access. Telling me that she applied only to one center. Anyway, I have proof that I applied to both centers in November and provided the other parties with my proof through my lawyer.
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Old 01-15-2016, 02:55 PM
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It must be extremely frustrating for you. Good to hear that you are progressing, albeit slowly, through the appropriate channels and processes to clear your good name. I look forward to hearing the outcome of your criminal matter.

Your ex very well might have shot herself in the butt. Sounds to me that you now have appropriate documentation substantiating your medical leave (and undoubtedly a substantial drop in income).

Thanks for adding the details and for keeping us up-to-date. Sadly, many people find themselves in a similar situation as you.

Last edited by arabian; 01-15-2016 at 03:01 PM.
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Old 01-15-2016, 04:15 PM
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My new concerns. Next motion scheduled for mid-February. Items on the table is CS, SS, access and the matrimonial house.

The interim order says I pay CS based on my salary on invalidity. This is 70% of 85K. Since she has temporary custody of the children until the OCL assessment is done, the payment is from the table. No issue but she believes my income is still 85K.

SS for what? She wasn't doing her share of the domestic chores and was always too tired to help. She always vented that her husband was doing everything at home. With my full time job, I had to do everything at home so that the 4 kids will live in a saint and clean environment. She quit her school job of 28k per annum to operate a daycare at home making over 43K per annum. Now she states that she was a stay at home mother looking at our children. NO no no lady. I would have never permitted that. It was clear from the start that both of us had to keep working to maintain that lifestyle. For her to quit her job and to run a daycare didn't show in anyhow that she has suffered a career drop and financially. She is still working in her field of expertise and that adds up to her Curriculum. With her education, I can input her a descent income between 38K-42K. With the actual figures, interim custody of 3 kids and my regular salary of 85K, CS would be 1.6K/month and no SS. With shared custody, if entitled, would be very minimal for a 15 years marriage.

Undue hardship; impossible. She's young (39), in good health, good education, has assets, cable, internet, cell phone, a loan for her vehicle, wants to keep the house valued at 400K. She would need to drop some of these as I had to do once I was kicked out of the house.

Access; I want to see my kids at my place without supervision. She is using the criminal case to keep my access supervised. She signed an order given me access every Sunday from 1pm to 8pm for 5 weeks during the summer even though I had that criminal charge against me and it wasn't an issue at that time. With the charge dropped, I want to use this to see my kids at my place rather than in a supervised center that is presently crowded with plenty of demands. Also, the kids really liked my new house as there was several things to do to keep them busy. My doctor will provide me with a letter stating that I am not a threat to anyone, especially my kids and to myself either. My health condition restrain me from work but do not restrain me from parenting.

House; We had agreed on an appraisal done in January 2015. Settlement was suppose to occur in June but never did. Now, she still wants to keep the house but wishes to reduce it from 395K to 370K because some renovation needs to be done. I offer to reduce it no less than 390K as I haven't had a word to say in the appraisal as it was done secretly while I was at work. Several things were not shared with the appraiser along with showing some pictures that could have made a difference. Also, I noticed the market for houses went up 5.5% from December 2014 to 2015. Can I refuse her to buy me out and ask for the house to be sold at the market value with no refusal of a sale of less than 5% of the price?

Looks like this separation won't come to an end if she keeps on bringing stuff that were previously agreed. But I need to see my kids now, it's been over 5 months now.
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Old 01-15-2016, 04:57 PM
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It's too bad your boss did that to you. Whilst I agree nobody should take threats lightly....I think we can all recall a time where we said something among friend like ..."Oh my god, if Suzie said that about me I'd strangle her"...Or.."I'd kill for that damn divorce to be over".

Does this instantly turn people in to gruesome serial killers who kill and strangle? No. Exaggerated speech among friends and colleagues ... BUT a big mistake also my friend. I for one have a sneaking suspicion that you're not the Boston Strangler. That's just me. (Although you might consider changing your profile pic.. LMAO)

In the end it boils down to you and your "history of abuse" towards a spouse or child. Is there any?
AND

Can your ex prove that "divorce talk" around the water tank on break at work has "Affected Your Ability to Parent"?

Apologize profusely for the inappropriate comments (Divorce is an emotional time and you thought you were among close friends). Own what you said and make the judge VERY aware that silly things like that will never come out of your mouth again.

All of this forcing supervised, denying the access...oh yea..and $$$$$ .. roll with it...its part of the game and they seem to get away with it.

Oh yea .. use the CLRA laws below for your case (Ability to parent)

24(3)(4):
Quote:
Past conduct
(3) A personís past conduct shall be considered only,

(a) in accordance with subsection (4); or

(b) if the court is satisfied that the conduct is otherwise relevant to the personís ability to act as a parent. 2006, c. 1, s. 3 (1).

Violence and abuse
(4) In assessing a personís ability to act as a parent, the court shall consider whether the person has at any time committed violence or abuse against,

(a) his or her spouse;

(b) a parent of the child to whom the application relates;

(c) a member of the personís household; or

(d) any child. 2006, c. 1, s. 3 (1).

Last edited by LovingFather32; 01-15-2016 at 05:02 PM. Reason: CLRA rules/profile pic
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Old 01-15-2016, 05:21 PM
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Your situation is going to be interesting because from what you state you and your ex both had full-time employment, notably her employment (hopefully you have tax returns which will be essential to prove her income) which was out of the home while she looked after the children. Did your wife give up a career to opt to stay home and raise children/work out of the home?

Edit - would your ex be able to prove that staying home with children hindered her career (where would she be now career-wise if she had not taken any time off to stay home?).

Last edited by arabian; 01-15-2016 at 05:23 PM.
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Old 01-15-2016, 05:45 PM
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Thanks LF32 and congrats for your case, I've been following it from the first day I joined the site.

And no I won't change the profile picture... love that little mafia boy. LOL

Nothing during our 15 years together... arguments that is but no verbal or physic abuses. This is all about money... and control. If she gets sole custody, she gets full table amount and the rights to make all major decisions in the life of our children. We always had the same point of view concerning the sake of our children during our marriage and now... why would it be different? My children are old enough to communicate their needs to each of their parents (S15, D13 and D8) so if she thinks that we cannot communicate to each other and is the reason she opte for custody... I'll say we don't need to keep a "perfect term of communication" but just keep it to emails and log books and basically only to what is related to children needs only.

She knows I've been a good descent father from diapers to actual (yes material diapers... had to soak my hands in poops to washed those... no problem I was raised on a farm). I was very close to my children and I'm pretty sure they are requesting to see me at this time. I saw the attachment they have with me when I had access this summer. I mist the time I use to spend with them and the cuddling we were doing while watching a movie at night. My ability to parent has not vanished... it's the opportunity to continue it that was taken from me.

I tried to apologize to the court (my ex and judge) the first time we appealed but they did not pay very much attention to it. They mainly ignored me.

Thanks for the CLRA 24(3)(4)... it will surely be useful.
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Old 01-15-2016, 06:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Your situation is going to be interesting because from what you state you and your ex both had full-time employment, notably her employment (hopefully you have tax returns which will be essential to prove her income) which was out of the home while she looked after the children. Did your wife give up a career to opt to stay home and raise children/work out of the home?.
No she did not give up her career, she decided to manage her own business at home by doing the same she was doing at school... taking care of little children. At school, she was an aid-teacher helping with the little one in the class. She quit voluntary to operate a daycare at home taking care of little one.
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Old 01-15-2016, 06:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Edit - would your ex be able to prove that staying home with children hindered her career (where would she be now career-wise if she had not taken any time off to stay home?).
This is the thing... she was making 28K when she left her job at school. Now she was doing 43K with her daycare at home. Basically, it was beneficial to her to operate her own business than to work as an aid-teacher. 12 years later, with an increase of 2% per year (which is very generous for teachers as they got less than this) her 28K salary would be around 32-35K. So her daycare is obviously better for her. She made the remark on her motion to file for divorce that her salary at school was lower than what she is doing now. Of course, she denies making that much with the daycare but a lot of deductions are not allowed and should be included in her income on line 150. On top, her qualification would put her in a range of 40K to 66K. I also have proof of that for the region of Ottawa.
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Old 01-15-2016, 06:42 PM
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So she has no university degree in early childhood eduction or a teaching degree?
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Old 01-15-2016, 06:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
So she has no university degree in early childhood eduction or a teaching degree?
No. She has a College degree in Specialized Education to work with people with handicaps, mentally or physically. She landed working as an aid-teacher at the school because she was taking care of a little autism boy of a teacher who was working there.
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